A Little Law and Lawyer Humor (#2)
I enjoy lawyer jokes, even being a lawyer. And I’m not an outsider taking shots. I’m an insider speaking more what I know.
Lawyers are called ‘legal eagles’ (or is it beagles?)
HERE IS THE LAWYER’S CREED: We lawyers are the legal eagles of society. We are the custodians of liberty. We are the protectors of the people. We are the stalwarts of justice. We are the upholders of the Constitution.”
And if you really believe this, then I also have some oceanfront property right here in Colorado to sell you too.
I feed myself on this type of stuff because it’s hard for most of us lawyers to stay motivated. This is because we’re always suing someone.
We are known as the most enthusiastically negative people in the world. But it’s not without cause.
In defense of lawyers (most of whom need a lot of defense), … do you have any idea how difficult it is to stay motivated or ‘up’ when you have to face one negative person or situation after another all day?Law offices are negative places because they consist of lawyers.
Lawyers’ secretaries… are often down in the dumps because of their bosses. How would you feel if you were a legal secretary and you were ready to leave work for the day. You pop your head into your bosses’ office saying, “Hey, boss, have a nice day!” He snarls back: “Don’t tell me what to do!”
This is how it is in many law offices.
Lawyers Are Always Fighting Someone
Lawyers seem to have to fight with everyone — even judges, some of whom think they’re God, and often act like God in their courtroom.
They always fight with other lawyers too. They have to fight with their clients to collect their fees — especially if they lose! What a life. This is why lawyers often collect fees up front.
It is said: practicing law is lot like prostitution.
In both cases, the value of services rendered GREATLY DECLINES once those services have been performed.
And then, after tough days at the office, then lawyers spend their nights worried about the next day’s battles.
And you thought being a lawyer was just a lot of fun and games, right?
We lawyers are also accused of sending people mixed messages!
It’s just that the law is so complicated today. It is not easy like when I started. I just stayed away from certain things like water law, tax, oil and gas, etc. But most things weren’t difficult. Today they sure are.
Plus, we lawyers are trained to help make things more complicated. After all, you can charge more money if things are not easy.
This reminds me of the client who was listening to his lawyer say:
“I don’t believe I’ve succeeded in answering all of your questions. Indeed, I feel as though I have not answered any of them totally. The answers I’ve found only serve to raise a new set of questions, which only lead to more problems. And some of these we weren’t even aware were problems when you came in.
To sum up, in some ways I feel we are as confused as ever. But I feel we are confused on a higher level, and about more important things.
A client of mine called and he was laughing hysterically.
He said, “What do you call 500 lawyers with leg-weights on at the bottom of the ocean?” I told him I didn’t know. He replied, “A start.”
And to think I even won his case for him too.
Lawyers vs. White Rats?
I read where they are going to start using lawyers, instead of white rats, for certain biological experiments. They claim there are three reasons for this.
FIRST, there are more of us. SECOND, it is said folks aren’t as attached to us. THIRD, it is said there are even some things white rats won’t do.
A Lawyer vs. A Skunk?
Perhaps this is where some lawyer jokes are born, like the rhetorical question about the lawyer and the skunk: “How do you tell the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead skunk in the road?” The answer is there are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Newspapers don’t say nice things about us lawyers.
They always seem to run negative articles:
“DIVORCE LAWYERS: A Glimpse Under the Rock.”
“LAWYERS: Protectors of the People? or Parasites?”
With articles like this, how do they expect us lawyers to stay ahead of the game?
(What lawyers call a game, some people call a racket).
They even talk about lawyers in songs. I remember a popular song by Jackson Brown from the 70s: “The Mating Cry of Lawyers in Love.”
The first time that I heard it I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I even called the station to make sure what I was hearing was correct. It was!!!
At least country music talks about everything with songs like:
“The Shades of Night Were Falling Fast, but I Got A Pretty Good Look Anyhow.”
Another song says: “I Called You Up to Tell You I Don’t Know What To Say.”
And yet another: “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth I’m Kissing You Goodbye.”