Mental health poetry
Burnout
A poem about mental exhaustion
People come and go As I look at the empty rails The music in my headphones is a deathblow To the myriads of thoughts my day entails
Four minutes left until the metal beast drives me home Someone rushes by me My soul has left to roam The dark fields that lead to my abyss by the sea
The next song comes up A black metal scream grounds me I contemplate what would it take to jump The thought is gone until I count to three
It is my profession so I know what’s wrong I’m severely burned out and can’t keep up Holding the pretense that everything is fine all along If I were to complain my senses would erupt
My chariot is here and it awaits I gracefully step on and disengage I notice the emptiness in me as my brain narrates The lyrics to the song that first got me on stage
It is my profession so I know what to do “Please stay calm and just go home” My mind says to me as it comes through I comply and let my soul once again free to roam
The emptiness will stay with me for two more weeks It’s plenty of time to find strength Take care and practice all the techniques After all, I just started exploring at this depth
I wrote this poem during the last week of December 2019. I was under a lot of pressure for a long period of time without a break and even though I had experienced mental exhaustion before, that was the first time that it got so intense. The emptiness and indifference to the world startled me, as I’m not used to feeling that way. I knew what was going on though, so I gave myself the time I needed to recover.
Looking back, I know I should have never let myself reach that point of burnout. I was so keen to hide the fact that I was getting tired, that I wasn’t sharing the whole truth with my psychotherapist (even though he knew something was up).
In the end it’s never worth it and the employers couldn’t care less about the amount of work they dump on people. That realization of apathy and emptiness gave me a new outlook on life. Perhaps one day I’ll write more about that.