Burning Light in the Tuesday Run

To the baker’s girl

It was probably a Tuesday evening I finally got some time to go for a run The sun was about to set The sky turned to this glamorous golden color The air started to become cool and the birds started to chirp

You were with your family when I saw you You were at the front skipping and racing with you little sister while your parents were at the back holding bags of groceries You were wearing a grey dress and a pink jacket Your hair was short Two purple hair clips lay there gently on your hair You were wearing a pair of red glasses You were beaming beaming so beautifully and cheerfully

Your parents saw me and said hi They could probably recognise me already from my frequent visits to the bakery back then They asked me where I had been and that they hadn’t seen me for a while I replied that life was getting hectic with assignments and finals that life was getting too tiring with what was happening out there in the society that I didn’t get much time to run in the evening that I didn’t get much time to visit the bakery

I was not finished with my sentence You rushed forward and shouted hello to me You yelled so loudly, ‘Hey, I’m faster than you!’ Of course you were faster than me, I thought I had been running non-stop for 45 minutes already and there you were starting to run only when I saw you! I smiled innocently at you, signed and waved farewell to your dad and mum

So I continued spinning my legs I didn’t like to stop while I was doing my runs Your voice struck me The carefree side of it struck me The innocent side of it struck me I had not heard such a voice for a long time

How real your voice was How energetic it was How free it was from the constant worry of saying something wrong all before societal pressure comes in and takes away the fun of life all before you are told to always think before you speak all before you grow up and realise the gruesome fuzz and buzz of being an adult all before you are told to be perfect and strong all because that’s what society expects us to be

Someone perfect and strong Someone who will always think consciously before she speaks and never offends anyone Someone who talks with confidence and strength Someone who hides her emotions and pretends to be okay even when absolutely nothing is okay

‘No one likes to see you being that vulnerable all the time’ as they said So there you will go Trying to pretend life’s all great when you are in fact under a huge pile of deadlines and stress all the time Trying to pretend you are winning life when you literally stayed up all night confused and lost with your future Trying not to take it too seriously when you are ‘judged’ not being able to do tiny things that you are supposed to know

Let’s not mention that time when you embarrassed yourself when you nearly burnt the whole place up as you forgot what’s not to be put in an oven Let’s not mention that time when you nearly locked yourself up in the washroom as the lock was just too fancy for you and you were too embarrassed to ask for help So there you will go Slowly covering up all your emotions and feelings Slowly making yourself the ‘perfect and strong’ person in society

I guess it’s always the tiny moments like that day when I met you, dear little girl, when I heard your voice, that reminded me of how I really want to stay being a kid

I really want to stay being a kid A kid who only needs to care about school and whether mum will give me candies after homework A kid who can run around the playground all day freely A kid who does not need to worry about relationships and adulting Who does not know that all lives will come to an end Who does not need to worry about my aging parents A kid who will always have my parents by my side supporting me… A kid who does not realise how cruel society can be A kid who does not need to worry about what matching outfit to wear the next day A kid who can speak carefreely because I am a ‘kid’

But then, it’s also the tiny moment like that when I met you, dear little girl, that I realise this is life Life’s tough And it’s challenging It always kicks you in the butt and makes you fall But then you get back up You get through the day, and you grow Everyone grows and no one stays being a kid But you are the one who can choose to always be a kid inside you

As you grow and learn to become an adult As you grow to accept the realities of the world you are living in You stay being a kid A kid who admires and finds the joy in the smallest things A kid who loves life for what it is and does not overthink things A kid who is vulnerable and real with her feelings A kid who doesn’t let the outside world define you You define yourself

Dear little girl, Thank you for being you Thank you for being the burning light in the gloominess I wonder how you are doing now I hope you are not getting bored with school suspensions under covid I hope you will always stay being you Be grateful for the time with your parents Help them sometimes with work in the bakery Treasure the time with them For time like this will not last Always be true with your feelings Never be afraid to speak them out when you are sad and confused and stressed For those are something we all experience And those are nothing to be ashamed of

Dear little girl, I do not know your name and I rarely see you in the bakery But I would really like to thank you Thank you for appearing in a single minute of my day Thank you for making me think things through Now let’s wait for covid to dissapear So I can hopefully come find you at the bakery And let’s have a serious race some day!