Building a New Life

New husband and new farm

Six years ago, I built a new life. Eight years ago, my first husband had passed away. I had moved and built a new life. I did it again when I remarried and moved to a farm.

My first new life was my first marriage. My second new life was having children. The third new life was widowhood, and the fourth was remarrying and moving to a farm.

I love the farm. All forty acres are peaceful and beautiful, and I have always wanted to live this way. Life on a farm is different. We spend our summers killing weeds and mowing fields. A friend rents some of our land to grow alfalfa, which becomes hay.

Because we wanted more work (not), we planted orchard grass on about 6 of those acres. That meant watering, mowing, baling and stacking. We realized the stacking was not for us, so we paid someone.

I started over with marriage. We were newlyweds but knew much more about life than in our first marriages. My husband was a widower, and I was a widow.

We clicked and have a wonderful marriage because we took actions that made it easier.

Building a marriage the second time around

People get remarried for many reasons, and you have to build a new life together when you do.

Before we met, I had adjusted to being single and was doing well. I had my own business, and so did my husband-to-be. Although we live in a small town, we had never seen or heard of each other, but a mutual friend brought us together.

1. Create a sound foundation

When you remarry, you know more about yourself and what you want out of life, which is a foundation to build a new marriage. We wanted the same things, and it worked out well.

We’re more relaxed with each other. The devastating loss of our spouses taught us to cherish this new relationship.

2. Combine families and belongings with a smile

When I moved to his farm, we combined two families’ worth of life. It’s a chore. We both got rid of belongings since having four coffee pots isn’t necessary!

We merged two households of belongings, furniture, and other things collected over many years.

3. Be willing to make changes

You also have to get used to each other.

You bring habits, preferences, and ways of doing things that are new to each other. You also have to decide how you might need to change some of your ways. If you love someone, you’re willing to do that.

There must be flexibility along with a willingness to make changes.

4. Getting along

At this point in our lives, we have less pressure. When you’re young, you have jobs, children and financial pressures. We don’t have any of that so that we can enjoy our lives in a more relaxed way.

We go to church, do things with friends, work, play and laugh together. It came without some minor bumps, which we smoothed out.

5. Be totally honest before you get married

We talk, laugh and have fun together all the time. It was that way before we married, which was one of the signs that we were good for each other.

We each learned to like new things our new spouse liked.

No matter why you build a new life with another person:

• you need love and patience,
• be sure of who you are before you take the step into marriage,
• don’t pretend to like something about the other person that you can hardly tolerate,
• full disclosure is a must,
• be the real, authentic you from the start,
• and the process of building a new life together will happen with ease.

Complete honesty builds trust and strengthens love.

Thanks for reading and God bless!