Build Your Leadership Council — Part 1

The four advisors you need to build your resilience

This article is the first part of two to help you build your dream team of mentors to guide you to your best self, wherever you are in your leadership journey. In this part, I want you to think about how you react to situations and how you relate to others.

Once you have dominion over your internal world, the external world will see your authority in your actions, not from your title. If you don’t have this part together, everyone will leave you.

Asking for help is actually a strength. When you don’t do this, your weaknesses take center stage because you’ve forced everyone else to deal with them, usually with resentment.

Being a leader in the 21st century goes beyond the bean counting of the mid-1900s to maximize shareholder value. What are you doing for the world we all live in?

Everything we do, everything we experience, is on display for the entire world to see. Workers are well aware we are no longer in a time where we can live comfortably off a white collar wage with a guarantee of a pension after serving a long stretch. Now we worry about affording healthcare for children, or getting laid off two months after a return-to-office mandate. If you want loyalty, go hire a Golden Retriever.

These young kids nowadays are getting hip to the concepts of leading with purpose and leaving a legacy in our communities. Whether or not your organization is committed to B Corp or Conscious Capitalism standards, drag yourself into the modern era and stop making the safe decision that benefits only a handful of people who don’t care about you or your family. Instead of shrugging at cost cutting measures, challenge yourself and your team to 10x your revenue.

Anyways, enough with the manifesto-ing. Read through these key people and focus first on nurturing the relationships you are currently doing right. Ask them what you are struggling with the most, and do you research to find someone who thinks differently than you, but whose advice resonates.

We might not be lucky enough to have mentors a text away, but we are lucky to live in an age where we can watch videos of very smart people on YouTube, hear them on podcasts, and read their books. Become so acquainted with them that when you hit a fork in the road, their face appears on the sign pointing the right way.

Spiritual coach

Does your team lean on your vision when times get tough or are you too overwhelmed and confused to think straight? What decisions have you made from fear or desperation? Do you have to do a lot of mental gymnastics to prove (to yourself) you’ve done “the right thing”?

I once had the misfortune of working for someone who didn’t have a trace of coolness, no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise. Every day, literally every day, she would say how she was a “scholar of metaphysics” and that she meditated for three hours that morning, which would be promptly followed by her losing her shit over someone not responding to an email she sent 14 seconds ago.

It was exhausting. And I didn’t stick around for long, because I’m not the type to run on a hamster wheel. I tried explaining that the problem du jour will work out, but she just could not see beyond the current situation.

One of the hard truths in life is that you can do everything right, and subsequently everything will go exactly wrong. Learning from setbacks and moving forward, with enthusiasm, takes a lot of backbone.

A spiritual pursuit is different from following religion — instead of following the path laid out for you, you retreat into yourself to light your inextinguishable optimism. Be forewarned: people who lack this mental toughness will be incredibly bothered by a cool, objective, hopeful mind.

Coach from afar: Thích Nhất Hạnh

With a demeanor that’s seemingly impervious to stress and disappointments, this Buddhist monk has shifted the mindsets of many people around the world to focus on being a positive effect on society. His introduction of mindfulness to the West has us thinking more about the consequences of our daily actions.

Mental health coach

Are you able to identify the feelings that you have? Is it easy for you to admit you were wrong and then fix your mistakes without complaining? Are your colleagues getting paid enough to cope with your instability?

In a position of power, we’ve all seen too many people switch their focus to self-preservation, even at the cost of their coworkers and their society. Stop being a slave to your ego and rationalizing your bad decisions. Learn how to recognize your emotions (fear, vulnerability, confusion, etc.) and don’t let them block your legacy reaching its highest form. Respond, don’t react.

Of course, we can only do so much to overcome unfortunate circumstances from our past and sometimes our brains can’t help but sabotage our objectives. Seeking out a therapist or psychologist can be prohibitively expensive, or impossible based on where you live. Do whatever you can to delegate pieces of your authority to others — there’s no need to hoard all of it.

Coach from afar: Robert Sapolsky

Behave is not an easy book to read, but it’s incredibly informative. My main takeaway in relation to mental health is that in order to overcome our biases, we must first acknowledge them. We all make decisions based on our subconscious minds’ biases, which can come from fear, cultural assumptions, or avoiding feeling uncomfortable feelings. So if you don’t have access to a mental health practitioner, start journaling about your actions from the day, and review them to spot patterns. Also take note of the reactions of those around you, even if your words are met with silence or averted gazes.

Relationship coach

What have you done to keep the people around you happy? Have you asked them what they want? Do you focus more on “what can I get?” instead of “what can I give?” Do you have what it takes to make your relationships fulfilling?

One person compromising does not make a good relationship, yet employers are genuinely surprised when their overworked and underpaid superstars leave. Of course they left — you didn’t do anything to keep them. Your job is to create a valuable support system for your staff.

Relationship management is important for everyone you have in your life — they all tend to bleed together. I’m sure you’ve noticed when a bad relationship has affected the way you interact with others.

Think about how you view yourself and how you treat those around you. Your entitlement, or perhaps self-loathing, shouldn’t be someone else’s problem. Focus on how you can help others, instead of only ingratiating yourself with those you perceive as more valuable than yourself.

Coach from afar: Esther Perel

I knew I liked this woman when I saw in a talk she gave the audience strict rules for asking questions. Anyone who prioritizes giving a group of people value in a short amount of time gets a +1 in my book. She’s mostly known as a romantic relationship therapist, but I think her no-nonsense advice is solid: listen, put in the work, and acknowledge all the emotions that are being felt.

Public image coach

Do your superstar colleagues trust you? How do you interact with others in the world of social media? Are you really as unique as you think you are? Do you come across as a wise problem solver?

A great leader is not attention-seeking, but leans into their own individuality for the benefit of others. We are now living in an age where attention is the global currency, for anybody with any objective. Luckily for the forward-thinkers, the majority of people are overly focused on conforming to hit some arbitrary vanity metric in the short term, and are not paying attention to creating a strategy of trust.

Coach from afar: In the beginning, before the dawn of the social media influencer, there was Oprah.

She openly, and with great vulnerability, shared her personal story with the world. But that wasn’t the source of her rise to power and wealth. She was a great listener and gave normal people the opportunity to open up, making her audience form a trusting, emotional connection to her. This reminds me of a quote shared by Olivia Fox Cabane in her book The Charisma Myth when a certain lady met up with two prime minister candidates in the Victorian era: “After dining with Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest person in England. But after dining with Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest person in England.”

The Oprah Winfrey Show was not the extent of Oprah’s reign of influence. She capitalized on her popularity and diversified her work to producing, writing, publishing, and more. In the workplace, we might not want to be seen as the unicorn who can do everything, but we should use our image to provoke trust in our decisions over a broad range of subjects.

Don’t let your stunted growth in any of these areas prevent you from achieving your goals. This is going to sound corny, but it does take a village. There are a lot of coaches that can help you, if you are willing to live outside of your comfort zone.

In the next part, I will cover the experts you should have in your life for your professional growth.