Build a New Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Summary

A father reflects on his strained relationship with his son due to his past actions and is determined to rebuild their bond through personal growth and unconditional love.

Abstract

The article narrates the personal struggle of a father who has been absent for three years due to imprisonment related to addiction and mental health issues. He acknowledges his failures as a parent and the pain he has caused both himself and his son. Despite sporadic contact over the past few years, the father expresses his unconditional love and the desire to set a positive example for his son. He details the challenges faced in reconnecting with his son, including being ignored and disrespected. The father remains hopeful, focusing on his recovery and preparing a "maintenance plan" for a future reconciliation. He forgives his son for the recent estrangement and is committed to building a strong, lasting relationship, confident that time and effort will mend their bond.

Opinions

The father believes that his past selfish and thoughtless behavior, driven by addiction and mental health issues, has led to the current estrangement from his son.
He admits to letting his son down and feels deep shame and pain about the situation.
The father is aware that his son's recent behavior, including deceit and disrespect, may be a reflection of his own past actions and accepts this as a form of karma.
Despite the hurt, he harbors no ill will and is ready to forgive his son, emphasizing his unconditional love and the importance of reconciliation.
He is focused on personal improvement, both mentally and physically, to be ready for his son's eventual return.

A father tries to reconcile with his son.

Is there enough love to bring them back together?

Because life is cruel, mainly when you have an addiction and mental health issues. You create bad luck by default because of the thoughtless & selfish behaviour your issues bring. By definition a 3-year absence due to imprisonment. It is consequential of your stupid and selfish actions. Which leaves a gaping wound for both parties beyond repairs, deeply hurt by situations and the aftermath of events in the past.

Within the last two or three years, I have had sporadic contact with my son. We can try and be fluffy and cute by sugar-coating things. However, as I write this post, I would not insult myself or my son with a basic and naive error of judgement.

I have gravely let my son down on two separate occasions that is an open and honest fact that causes me shame and pain too. I have unconditional love for my son and always will. That is why it hurts us both so much because you have no intention of causing harm or suffering. You just don’t think about the domino effect one situation can cause. Nobody is infallible either, but I feel situations are avoidable if you are being a good parent. I should be setting an example to my son and exceeding expectations. Because when I am fit and well also, at the end of my recovery and planning the maintenance strategy, which will create the next chapter of my new life. I do not doubt my now crystal clear headspace I can be the father any son would be proud of.

The barrier in front of me, stopping me achieving a celebrated success at this moment is my son. He is 16 in June and I am fearful that as the last time I saw him. He ran off upset and angry because we had previously fallen out, over the fact that just this once he had purposely deceived me and hurt me to try and portray I was a “Let down Dad” and he failed to mention it to his mother. So I told him straight I had proof from messages and calls only engaging with me twice from the 12 attempts I had made over three weeks that I had contacted him on various platforms and he read the messages but blocked me for some reason only leaving one app open to messaging him only.

This is when he tried to imply I was meeting him on a pre-arranged day but failed to appear. We had in principle agreed a Wednesday after school six days earlier however once agreed it took me over another week to hear from him because I was being ignored. I can’t just turn up at his school unannounced. Without knowing if he was doing extra revision or fulfilling his role as Head Boy of the whole school which sometimes keeps him late or even in a different place apart from school.

When I got an extremely rude text message off him on a Monday at 7 am insinuating I was a letdown father. Telling me to fuck off and respect his personal space. I just snapped because It dawned on me after 6–8 weeks of not seeing him. My son was taking me for a ride and essentially making me look stupid. I told him that he should have some respect as I had all of our messages and calls history in front of me. He then called me “pathetic”. So I told him straight that he was a cocky shit and should remember who is the senior adult. Show me some respect as his Dad, not turn against me just to make the scenario go in his favour. I suggested when he was ready to apologise we can talk go for tea and I will never mention it again. My reason for instant forgiveness and reconciliation?

Two main reasons

I feel responsible for his behaviour over the 3+ months. A period of one contact meeting then evasiveness and deceit. I believe it was karma smashing me in the face with a bat. Let’s be honest you can say I got what I deserved.

Lastly, I created my son. I carried him to the operating table at 2 weeks old when he was extremely unwell. I took him to church for the first time to be christened. His first words were Dadda. I was the one person he was screaming for when he had broken a little bone in his arm. After 3 years he still remembered who I was and we played football in the garden as I cried with happiness. I took him for his first football session and I made sure he had his kit and boots. When I was away with work I would drive 2 hours just to see him for 30minutes. I bought him many gadgets, trainers and clothes. Which I am not complaining about at all. I am his Father so the expectations are limitless. I love my son so much he is the reason why I believe I am still alive today. I forgave him instantly and wanted to reach a resolution and move on.

Unfortunately, he failed to contact me at all telling me in our last encounter to stay out of his life and leave him alone. I have not seen my son properly since October 2019. He has blocked me on all contact sources.

So, for the time being, I am concentrating on myself and getting ready to move into the recovery maintenance plan that I have in place. Keep improving mentally and physically with my levels of fitness. Because I have already started, building a new bridge over our troubled waters for the new chapter in our lives and my life of positivity and wellbeing. I deserve to be happy and content, as does my son. I believe in 12/18 months when my bridge will be strong and everlasting. Which my son can use anytime he likes and I will be there greeting him with open arms whenever he is ready.

I Love You Leo x.

DAD X