Buddha is Frighteningly Accurate About Modern Love Problems!
3 Most Important Things to Note About Love and Relationships
Are we doomed to repeat the same romantic blunders for eternity? Probably.
We, humans, have changed our paradigms throughout history. Change has been truly constant in our development of habits, cultures and civilisations. But despite all of our development, it appears that we have yet to mature when it comes to love.
We appear to be experiencing more envy, yearning, affairs, and heartbreak than ever before. What exactly is going on? Why do we have such a hard time making relationships work?
As the love problems are ancient (modern life has only worsened), perhaps we can take a leaf from the ancient wisdom.
I seek good old Buddhist philosophy for answers to modern love troubles.
You’re probably wondering, “Buddhism?” What do ancient monks have to say about modern love? Didn’t they desert the worldly desires to seek something transcending?
Buddhist views on life and love maybe thousands of years old, yet they are surprisingly relevant to modern relationships.
Let’s take a dive.
Unrealistic Expectations.
We destroy excellent relationships by having unrealistic expectations.
What it is to be really in love, is it a demand of romantic comfort or is it a commitment to supply that comfort to another?
The truth is that life is full of pain. That is not to suggest that everything is negative. Suffering here alludes to a low-level discomfort that we will never be able to eliminate.
This unease arises from the realisation that everything in life is temporary. We strive to hang on to everything — our good looks, belongings, relationships — but everything eventually just goes.
As a consequence, we are filled with dread about what is ahead for us in the future. Also, we regret what we have left behind in the past.
However, it is not the impermanence of things that produces misery. It is one of Buddha’s Nobel truths: attachment is the source of suffering. In other words, we suffer because we are unable to let go of the things to which we have grown connected.
Knowing the cause of suffering is one thing, but it’s by no means imposed upon us. It is possible to put an end to suffering. To do so, we must first embrace reality for what it is. Knowing that everything in life comes and goes, we must let go of our ties to things as much as possible.
But how should we go about doing so?
Buddha holds that there is a route to transcending suffering. In Buddhism, this route is known as the Noble Eightfold Path. It provides the many components of the Buddhist’s moral life, which, if followed diligently, will lead to enlightenment.
Love is not the same as a relationship.
Relationships and love affairs are not the same things. Feelings are essential in love situations. We like them because they make us happy.
Because the emphasis is on how this other person makes me feel, love is rather self-involved. On the other hand, relationships are about true connection and closeness with another human, and they do not necessarily make us happy.
We anticipate that love affairs will result in beautiful relationships and that relationships should stay love affairs. We anticipate that romance, love, and desire will stay continuous. But, in reality, this is not the case. I am sorry to break it so bluntly.
Relationships have their own nature and requirements. They cannot meet this elusive standard. As a result, when the passion fades, and the exhilaration subsides, we believe something has gone horribly wrong.
The reality is that it’s not horrible at all. Its relationship taking its natural course. Relationships vary; that’s what they are. Emotions ebb and flow. Our passions fade, return, and then fade again. We might admire our partner one day and be irritated by them the next.
We experience a hard time accepting this for some reason. That is why, according to Buddha’s Second Noble Truth of Love, we make our relationships more unstable by expecting love to be steady. That is, we exacerbate discontent in our relationships by attaching unreasonable expectations to them.
The way couples feel about one other changes in unforeseen ways.
Now, don’t feel bad, as I am not saying this to discourage you. Instead, it is intended to give you a realistic perspective. Relationships are a roller coaster! And, as we’ve seen, attachment is the incorrect way to react to this journey.
The solution, please?
Sure. Fathom this:
love is knowing full well that the journey would be difficult but choosing to continue nevertheless.
Love is the willingness to ride the emotional, yearning, and perplexity rollercoaster with another being just for the sake of connection.
So, please don’t get into a relationship expecting it to be simple because it won’t be. That said, don’t let it deter you. Relationships are meaningful and satisfying because of their difficulty.
One just can’t float through a relationship; it either builds or breaks. The process of communication and interpretation is like a perpetual motion machine.
Relationships never remain constant, and you are almost always compelled to work on them, rethink them, learn from them, and experiment with them.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, don’t ever assume that a partnership has fully explored all of its possibilities.
Take-Aways.
The mountain of love and relationship is not meant to be conquered. They are not the destination — they are just an ongoing journey. to make them joyful and meaningful, know that:
- It is wrong to attach unrealistic expectations to relationships.
- Love is not the same as a relationship
- Love is all about remaining engaged in the knowledge that the ride will be bumpy.
