Bubba and Bessie Cowbird Are Planning Their Family
Shiftless, lazy no count varmints
“Count them. Ten bluebird houses Bessie.”
“Bubba it is time to UNLOAD these eggs and regain my girlish figure.”
“What about this year WE raise them, Bessie. I can teach the little fellas to scarf up bird feeder grain and beat up sparrows.”
“First chance you would be off to that thicket where the Dooley sisters hang out and be strutting your foolishness. Leaving me to find food when you know I am an artist of words. My next novel won’t write itself.”
“It just sticks in my craw to have my little tough guy raised up by bluebirds. You know they are a bunch of slicked-up dudes. My boy is not going to be a candy ass.”
“No, he will be a lazy yard slug like his Daddy Bubba.”
“Look the Bluebird is over there on yonder sign Bubba. Time to slip and flip. Thirty seconds to slurp an egg and pop in one of mine. That birdhouse hole will be a squeeze for my lush figure.”
“The Migratory Bird Treaty Act says you got to leave our eggs alone cause we are native, not like those house sparrows.”
“Where are you gonna put the next one Bessie? You know those robins and blue jays and woodpeckers got it out for us. They will give you that ten-mile stare then smash a new egg like a grape.”
“Look Bubba, a Chickadee my favorite. I love to watch those fellows hopping up in the air trying to feed one of our big galoot babies.”
“Bessie they are puny as heck but do what you hafta.”
“ I can pitch out three eggs at once from this silly little nest.”
One Month Later
“Keep it up chump, Bubba Junior has got things to do!”
“But the blue babies are all taking care of their own selves. Why you such a layabout loaf Bubba Junior?”
“Gonna be a big old brown thing sitting on a fence post setting the ladies to darn near die of wanting me ya blue goofball.”
“This is the last mealworm, Bubba Junior. Now you go out to that meadow and find your no-count people!”
“Go home, Bubba Junior. Go home.”
“You our brother but we are sick of your looks and your fat butt.”
“Go grub your own bugs trash bird.”
So Bubba Junior lugged himself to a yellow meadow and settled down with a gang of cowbirds hitting bird feeders with some savage squirrels. After a while, he met a girl and started up his own deadbeat tribe.
“You know Bessie, Medium is a great platform for readers and writers.”
“Bubba if it were me I would want to subscribe for just five dollars a month to get great stories from Gaurav Jain or KiKi Walter or even Scott Younkin.”
“Your payment will help feed that Younkin fellow. He just a Cowbird like the rest of us. And that Gaurav he sings like a lark.”
