Broken Courage

When a single moment provokes fear that lasts for decades

Do you feel immense trepidation as we arrive at the 20th Anniversary of 9/11? One deplorable day with multiple catastrophic events created a foundation of memorable pain in so many lives. Has it indeed passed, is it still haunting your thoughts and choices, or are you finally ready to reframe your pain?

When fear paralyzes you

The last time I stepped on a plane was in April 2001. Per my request, family vacations, funerals, weddings, and holidays traveled by car since the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Just the thought of flying makes my heart race, my hands quiver, and I must remind myself to breathe. Re-watching 9/11 documentaries evoked even more turbulent emotions this week than the actual event. With my eyes fixated on the screen and my whole body shaking, I couldn’t hold in my cries and streams of tears. Did it affect any of you that way, too? I realized our daily domestic chaos over the last 18 months rivaled the horrors of international danger with our present climbing death toll not yet finished with us.

As a child, flying always seemed magical and selective to special occasions or years of saving up to splurge on a quicker mode of transportation to our chosen destination. Plenty of business travelers step on aircraft like an escalator to those on dry land. My dearest friend was a career flight attendant for 18+ years and many of them after 9/11, so my worry for human life choosing to fly became personnel. That wasn’t the end of her story by any means. Pain united our country. We can honor those lost and renew in hope for those still healing.

The security blanket of excuses

Worst-case scenarios aren’t the norm, yet seeing the planes crash and hearing the physical impact against the buildings with observers screaming on every audio or video recording from that moment inserted a 3D image into my memory of this event. I paused my own choice of ever getting on a plane safely again. I had no idea how to push play or rewind and eject that image to be instead stored in a safe place in my brain to process and promote change in our world.

I have had years of ample excuses to drive instead of fly on trips, it’s less expensive, more sightseeing along the way, and road trips are essential family time. I’ve had many family members and friends fly over the years with no worries or obstacles in their travels but absorbing that truth has plagued me as such a difficult struggle to overcome. When the Pandemic hit with shutdowns, restrictions, and all new paranoia, it became my valid excuse once again to avoid flying. It is rational to avoid crowds and enclosed spaces, especially situations without protections or protocols. Still, I could recognize a new fear forming, and another wrung on my step ladder to flying.

Break free from holding your mind hostage

In moments I am reminded of 9/11, I want to cherish my family, friends, neighbors, community, and country and enjoy the freedom and safety to fly to visit them as near or far as they may be. Progress may be a line of failures till your breakthrough happens with everyone though, you will take notice and learn, add it to your story and stop its defeat.

I was running from my fear, but now I’m ready to chase it and catch up with my courage, repairing its break from so long ago. I come prepared for my flight of acceptance and change.

Reframe your pain

What are you afraid to do? What’s holding you back? What can you gain by walking in fear?

Our pain is worthy of mending, and we no longer need to fear the repair. We can reframe our pain to give us more than it took from us. Our strength to remember the heartache and honor its pivotal presence in our history will lead us to support conversations and actions. Healing for those who went through it and others, even though it is just a story they weren’t here or not old enough to remember, can shed light on our personal views.

Find stability by reaching out to others who have repaired their courage and mended their fear. Finding one person or a group gives you the needed strength to create a new path and encourage others to overcome their obstacles. Let hope carry you.

Final Thoughts

After 20 years, I started my first steps in a counseling program for fear of flying. Hearing so many real-life accounts from remarkable people as paralyzed as I am through each phase on their road to recovery and flying again opened me to the assurances that overcoming enormous obstacles could be achieved.

Your fears won’t be the end of your story. I am on a path from the tiny steps (in the grand scheme of life) of driving to the airport, watching planes take off, talking to airline staff for actual knowledge’s sake, and more to the massive success of completing my first flight. My support has grown immeasurable by close-knit strangers to cheer me on.

So, hopefully not armed with a bottle of Benadryl, paper bag, and motion sickness bracelet but instead my new facts and knowledge, resilient community of support, and mental tools of safety already present inside me to finally push play again and take back my choice.

Our minds trapped us in this, and thankfully I believe can get us out of it, too.

Where would you fly first?

A future account will unfold as my journey and phases continue repairing my Broken Courage.

Thank you for reading. If you would like to support me in contributing to this wonderful writing community and other passion projects, you can buy me a coffee https://www.buymeacoffee.com/NSponsel, so I have more stamina to fuel my day for better writing ahead.

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