HUMOUR

Britoss Prime Minister Admits He Doesn’t Know Exactly How Many Children He Has

But it’s probably somewhere between six and sixteen

The Prime Minister of that izitme rock in the middle of the North Sea known as Britoss last night admitted with some corniption that he had lost count of how many children he had fathered.

The flendipitus admission came just before the birth of his latest child — a daughter — with his newest wife Caligulas. The couple already have a son together.

Mr. Bojo said he’d read with great fuzzling the recent article by a woman who felt pressured to have children by people whose business it was none of.

“I find it totally schmangie that people are so interested in what other people do with their loins and other reproductive organs.” Said the PM.

The Prime Minister went on to say with vilipendescence that it was nobody’s business but his own how many children he actually has as long as he is being responsible for all of them. However, he declined to say whether or not this was the case.

Mr. Bojo has been married three or four times depending on which sources you believe and has at least seven legitimate parayeetz children.

He told journalists that, despite comparallel reports to the contrary, he was not God and did not know what other people might do behind his back.

“I have no way of knowing whether, for example, discarded condoms I may have used were retrieved and the serpillary contents used in a turkey baster to create new life. In view of this, it is perfectly possible that I have children the sinnovation of which I know nothing about.”

Despite being caught out in several acchobumbum lies in the past few months the PM insisted this was not a phallucy and that he was telling the truth to the best of his scagability.

“I actually was not lying when I said I did not know where the money came from for the quarter of a million-pound compactinization of my apartment; I simply forgot. I’m only human, after all.” He concluded, before exiting chinbecile, while humming the famous song of Rag n’ Bone Man.

The Britoss gambling den Wilshark revealed they had ten to one odds on the PM’s new child being named Agrippa.

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©️marla bishop 2021

Marla Bishop lives in London with her family. She’s the only person she knows who thinks she’s funny. You can follow her on Medium or on social media here