Bringing Your Trauma into The Light
The Shift from Being a Victim to Becoming a Victor

There is one day each year that I can count on struggling. That day is my birthday. A malaise comes over me a day or two before my actual birth date, and try as I might, I feel powerless to stop it. Once my birthday has passed, the melancholy magically lifts, and all is well again.
I have done a lot of inner work and therapy to move through the emotions and responses associated with my childhood trauma, but this birthday thing has been something I’ve yet to overcome. I believe it stems from a lack of being valued in my early years. My defense mechanism has been to treat my birthday with an attitude of disinterest. I will tell my partner and my children not to buy me anything and do my best to set myself up to avoid disappointment.
In 2019 I was turning 60, and I began to stress about my impending birthday because 60 felt significant. For the first time in my memory, I did not want the day to pass without a celebration of some kind. After a lengthy discussion with my partner, I decided I wanted a multi-leg trip with a couple of bucket list experiences mixed in. We began some serious planning to make it all happen.
I also knew I was changing the rules, so I sent a group text to my kids and let them know that this year I had an expectation of a gift from them and gave them a couple of ideas. The three of them were more than willing to accommodate my newfound birthday interest. For my part, I was trying to ensure that I wouldn’t set myself up to be disappointed by expecting something of my children that had never been expected in the past.
My partner and I planned an adventure-filled trip to Florida, Las Vegas, and the Grand Canyon, which would hit the high points of interest for me. Beach time, speed, and my first Grand Canyon experience. One of my favorite places to be is on a beach. Whether it’s sunny Florida or the stormy Oregon Coast, I am energized by the sea, so we started our trip off in Florida. We had a great time at the beach with some close friends and then hopped on a plane for Nevada.
While in Vegas, I got to check off one of my bucket list dreams of attending a high-performance racing school. It was amazing! I spent a full day driving a Porsche with an instructor and doing other driving-related activities. There is nothing quite like going 120 down a straightaway or maneuvering through the curves of a racetrack. I’m proud to say that this “old lady” had the fastest lap time on the track that day! In full disclosure, this wasn’t my first rodeo. I had the opportunity to take a few laps at a Washington racetrack in both a Ferrari and a Lamborghini in 2018, so I had a little bit of experience with high-speed driving before attending the Vegas race school.
Seeing the Grand Canyon was next on the list, and it was an awe-inspiring experience. Pictures do not come close to showing the vastness of the canyon or the beauty in the canyon walls. As we approached it, I was stunned into silence. Our experience rarely equals or exceeds our expectations, but this was one of those times.
I returned home to two meaningful gifts from my children and the satisfaction that I had orchestrated a different experience for myself. I chose to create a new reality surrounding my birthday that year. Rather than being a victim of my past wounds and disappointments, I decided to manifest a more positive experience and become the victor. Many of us battle daily with the fallout of trauma, and I am grateful that I could break free from that for my 60th birthday.
By confronting the “why” behind my birthday malaise, I was able to deal honestly with my childhood disappointments and realize that my parent’s inability to value me did not mean that I had no value. Instead of looking to someone else to give me that value, I needed to count on myself to create that value simply because I deserved it. We all do.
This experience reinforced that I am the creator of my inner reality. I do not have to be controlled by my negative circumstances. For me, bringing my trauma into the light helped me manifest a new reality and dismantled the victim mindset I had been operating out of. I will continue to encourage myself to live in the light rather than hide in the shadows.