Brexit is Seamless Compared to Divorce in the UK
The Modern Reality of Exiting A Marriage As A Low Income Carer of an SEN Child
Getting married is easy. So very, very easy. It’s good for business too. In their 2019 National Wedding Survey, www.hitched.co.uk found the average cost of a wedding was £31,974.
Pre Covid 19, the wedding industry contributed £14.7bn a year to the UK economy, according to Sarah Young in an Independent article on 11th October 2020. Truly staggering. Of course, it is an industry severely affected by the pandemic. Time will reveal the true impact but the fact remains, huge amounts of money are spent with terrifying ease when one ties the knot.
The EU referendum took place on 23rd June 2016. We finally left nearly four years later on 23rd January 2020. In November 2013, circumstances forced me to leave my union, nearly eight years on and there’s still no deal. The primary reason for the length of this distressing process, I am a carer. The result of which meant I was financially dependent on my husband.
I have been a carer for my neurodiverse daughter since birth, obviously, that’s what parents do. However, I was identified officially in my caring role when she was 12. Officially, I provide in excess of thirty-five hours of care above what is expected for her age. It is a full-time job. Allow me to paint a picture of the army of carers in the UK before we further examine the impact of this role on divorce.
Carer Statistics According to a report by Carers UK in August 2019, * 50% of working-aged carers live in a household where no one is in paid work * 1.2 million carers live in poverty * 43% of carers experience mental illness due to the financial pressures * 8% of carers were performing their role for children under 18 (728,000) and 5% for adult children (455,000).
According to Carers UK, two out of three adults in the UK will become an unpaid carer.
8th June 2020, UK Carers released the staggering news that 4.5 million additional people became carers in the UK due to the pandemic. This is on top of the 9.1 million already fulfilling this role, bringing the total to 13.6 million official, unpaid carers.
In a Carers UK press release on 26th November 2020, they stated unpaid carers were saving the state £530 million every day of the pandemic.
As a carer, I attempted to work in many different jobs, all with only one prerequisite; they could fit around my caring role. I could not afford to be picky and worked as a cleaner, Avon lady, leaflet distributor, to name but a few. Ultimately, I had to leave them all, such were the demands upon me.
It is not just a matter of being physically able to work, it is also negotiating the impact upon one’s mental and physical health. Years of being “on-call” day and night take their toll. Concentration becomes a distant memory, functioning on a few hours of sleep is harder with every passing year. Then there’s the fact that a holiday is never really a holiday. It is as intense as the first year of having a child, only it doesn't end.
Usually, one parent takes on this role to enable the other to continue earning. The real trauma begins when separation and divorce beckons.
When this happened to me, my priority was to establish a fair arrangement that crucially, would reduce the trauma for my children and keep any traumatic changes, such as moving house, to a minimum, especially for my neurodiverse daughter.
Divorce with robust representation is only accessible for the monied. It is no longer a fair fight.
Legal Aid Facts * The legal aid system was created by Clement Attlee’s labour government, through the 1949 Legal Aid and Advice Act. * The white paper preceding legislation stated its aim was “to provide legal advice for those of slender means and resources so that no one would be financially unable to prosecute a just and reasonable claim or defend a legal right, and to allow counsel and solicitors to be remunerated for their services”. * However, changes made to Legal Aid in April 2013, has utterly redefined its purpose. * Post-April 2013, people on a low income (benefit or means-tested) only qualify for legal aid if they fall into one of four categories; domestic abuse, local authority child protection cases, child abduction cases or forced marriages. * I believe there should be an additional category added; the family unit cares for a child with additional needs and consequently has a low income.
How morally acceptable is it for only those with money to achieve skilled representation in divorce proceedings? What is the potential long-term fallout for children caught up in the unbalanced battleground of this inequality?
A Snippet of My Story Like many, many others, I have willingly handed over my life to the role of carer for my loved ones. With the pandemic, I have been “on duty” solo since 4th November 2019. There have been many days I would wake, not sure how I am going to get through the day but I did, I always will. Carers dig deep and find a resilience they had no idea was within them. We’re a tough crew, full of love and a sense of duty.
I’m not a “take him for everything he has” kind of woman. That’s just not me. I simply wanted to secure a fair arrangement that was in the best interests of my children. I genuinely do not think that is too much to ask.
Nearly eight years after separation, I have finally convinced my spouse to divorce me. I have no legal representation. I cannot afford it. The toll on my health has been relentless. This, of course, impacts the well-being of my children. This is simply wrong.
When divorce sadly looms, dependent on income, families with children who have additional needs and therefore require one parent to become a carer, should be afforded more legal aid support through the process. It is as simple as that.
In the UK, divorce is a minefield of financial inequality. The tragic consequences of which impact our society's vulnerable children the most.
Michele Grieve is a writer and speaker who advocates for carers and neurodiversity understanding.