Breastfeeding vs Formula Feeding Is Not A Topic Of Fight
As a first time mother I died of Mom-Guilt almost everyday
The universe seems to do its job correctly. It has blessed women with the gift of motherhood because it knows that moms are very courageous. But this world has become deeply cruel because it has now stereotyped moms into various categories. There are working moms, non-working moms, at-home moms, normal delivery moms, caesarean delivery moms, exclusive breastfeeding moms (ebf), mixed feeding moms, exclusive pumping moms, and formula feeding moms. Whichever category it is — being a new mom has been the most amazing and tiring experience, at least in my life.
Welcome to the world, little baby
With an elective c-section, you expect things after childbirth to be under your control. But life sometimes never goes how you plan it. I had read everything on breastfeeding, nap times, sleeping schedule and nursing positions during pregnancy time. But never did I ever create a backup plan. I thought once the baby was out, I could naturally feed. But sometimes it doesn’t work. Almost 12–15 per cent of women face lactation issues.
Strangely, nobody really talks about what to do if you cannot breastfeed.
In no time, the nurses introduced my little baby to formula milk just after the birth;
First, because in the initial moments, the doctors had kept me under observation for 3–4 hours after the caesarean surgery and the baby definitely needed to be fed.
Second, during the first delivery, sometimes the milk supply comes in a day or two after childbirth. And it’s absolutely normal.
New moms should not get paranoid when nurses feed formula to the child. Formula milk is no poison. Instead, parents must prepare themselves from home. Keep a set of sterilised syringes or bottles and warmer whatever you are comfortable with. And even some feeding and burping napkins.
I don’t know how hormones work, but my doctors gave me medicines to start the breast milk supply and after the first 2 doses, there were no signs of any milk. But then the very next day, the medicines worked and my breasts got badly engorged. Engorgement would be an understatement. It was like putting up heavyweight rock hard solids on your chest. Because of latching issues, the nurses gave the initial colostrum after pumping to my child. Now you would ask why pumping? Well, it was an easier option as per the nurse attending me in the hospital and, believe me; she was quite an experienced one. With a caesarean to try latching, again and again, is a painful task. Believe me to cough and sneeze and can make tears come out. Since I could not feed directly so yes, I had gotten extremely sad and depressed. Those unsuccessful feeding sessions used to make me feel less of a mother every time. But my breast pumps were becoming my friends. I slowly and gradually started getting dependent on my breast pump and as days passed by, I actually became an exclusive pumping mom. Which means I used to pump breast milk during frequent intervals to feed my child.
The unseen consequences of pumping breast milk
Day and night with a month old baby, to pump and feed means — cleaning, washing, sterilising, feeding self and baby in a limited time span. I had set a tight routine and my sleep-deprived body felt happy managing all the chores. I remember there were days when my husband and I used to sleep only for like 2–3 hours. There were bottles of my breast milk stored in the refrigerator for the baby and sometimes the house help, or my hubby used to feed him because I was constantly pumping round the clock. The initial 3 months where I should have bonded with my child, I hardly got any time to be with him.
I had kept warmers in different rooms, pumping stations with comfortable seating were installed, and all of it felt like some achievement. Back then, The best day of my life was when I had pumped nearly 16 ounces daily. My diet was strict, and I had to be really conscious of my hydration levels. In this chaos, I hardly got any time to step out of the home.
Earlier during my pregnancy, I had read everything about breastfeeding and now I got obsessed with exclusive pumping. We used new terms in the house like — power-pumping, supply increasing diet, lactation cookies, electric and manual pumps, valves of the pumps, etc. All this was not natural, but this journey took me on one hell of a physical and mental ride. I enjoyed that pain because I thought breast milk was the golden thing to be given to the child. Sleeping hours were decreasing, and exertion was increasing. I never actually thought about starting formula milk and I become a zombie attached to a breast pump almost all the time. Nobody helped me there.
Dear mom, You are not a failure if you formula feed.
Turning point came in our lives when my husband had to be hospitalised because of some unknown major heart condition and I had to leave my 4 months old little one behind. Then from one clinic to another and doctor’s appointments made me stay away from the baby. I pumped in the time that I could manage. The rest of the time, he was with my family. Slowly and gradually, things changed and my baby had adapted himself entirely to the formula when I was not around.
My family came as a rescue and they advised me to sleep while they took care of their grandchild. I remember, my mother one day told me that love is all that matters in feeding the little one. She asked me to stay strong and that my husband needed my love and attention at that moment. I was terrified in the initial days of giving formula to my little one. But as time passed by, things fell on the right track. His weight increased and all his growth milestones were getting achieved even with the formula.
It’s true no one in the world is a better teacher to a child than a mother.
Trust me, breastfeeding is tough, but only pumping and feeding or mixed feeding is tougher. It not only takes a jolt physically, but mentally as well. Formula milk is not bad. In fact, I wish I could go back in the past and correct myself, and be in that time zone where I could spend hours playing with my little one. If you can happily manage all the things, then nothing like it. But if you are finding it difficult, take some help and don’t suffer. To anyone who is going through the same pain as mine — I know it’s tough to give your newborn something other than breast milk, but please do nothing at the cost of your own happiness.
With my story I want all moms reading my post to realise — whether formula or breastfeed or mix feeding or pump and feed, do only those things which are under your control.
Mothers should never question their motherly love and get stuck in the stereotypical world.
You are a mom and that too an amazing one! Keep reminding yourself of this line every morning.
Exclusive Pumping mom signing off
On that note, By simultaneously packing my three breast pumps from different companies with which I have spent hundreds of hours of my life, I am finally signing off as an exclusive pumping earlier, mixed feeding later and switching over to just being a mom. To many more happy hours of feeding, Happy parenting to my readers. As August is the breastfeeding awareness month — So here’s my small tribute to all the exclusive pumping moms and even formula feeding moms. I just want to say that you are definitely not alone in this journey. The importance of breastfeeding and creating its awareness started way back in the nineties. It started back then because high rates of infant mortality were being recorded because of malnourishment and improper feeding practices. But times have changed now.
Initial few days after delivery is all about lots of love and care. Don’t ruin the entire phase by only focussing on feeding. I remember my paediatrician once told me that the child will not sleep for long hours until they feel relaxed. A full tummy, nice breathable clothing and pleasant surroundings will keep the child happy. A depressed mother will struggle in finding her calm. Don’t let motherhood become suffering. Be the reason for happiness in the lives of your loved ones.
Aditi is a writer on Medium and has been sharing her views on the new age principles of Urban Parenting. Share this article with any mom or a new parent; you know who is feeling lost. New moms and dads sometimes need to be mothered. Not always, but sometimes! Be there for them in this tough time.