Breaking the Barriers of Society

Grateful for my journey in life making impossible things possible

Growing up with weird societal norms

The confident woman who stands here has a lot of life experiences and has learned many life lessons.

Life started with loving parents with nothing much to complain about. My parents always wanted me to progress. They were happy to have a daughter which was not the norm of the society when I was born.

I disliked the words by my relatives that I was brought up like a boy being given full liberty to exercise my free will in doing things.

I did not like the fact that a male teacher tried to brush past me touching my body parts and I had to repress myself and not speak about it because society would not like it and it would be my fault and not the fault of the person who did it because he was a man.

I also thought it distasteful when a friend of my parents came alone to meet them and wanted to take me for a ride just to touch me inappropriately.

These were things in the society where we could not speak and I did. I tore apart these terrifying facts in debates but did not speak the full truth as I did not name any person because I was afraid.

Why was I afraid? Society did not accept this kind of open behavior from young girls. We were the repressed bunch and the men had an edge over us. It would tarnish the image of the woman but nothing would happen to the male.

I started driving at 18 which was the legal driving age but it was not acceptable because women were not expected to learn to drive as they would go out of hand.

The drivers on the road were mainly male. They would drive and come close to my vehicle in an attempt to scare me because I was a female.

I gave a lift to a 19-year-old boy and two days later he started asking me for money because he said that he had to go to the police station since he was seen around with me and he bribed the policemen to come out. How was I responsible for it? I gave a lift in good faith and he took advantage of it to blackmail me.

I had the good sense not to let him away with it. I refused to give him the money.

These are small incidents but go a long way to show how repressive society was and I had to brave it all alone.

Women in our times have gone through a lot and put up a brave front each time an incident like this happened.

There has been so much gender stereotyping that a woman should be adept at keeping a beautiful home. She should study to be an asset to her husband. She was to be talented and well-educated but obey and behave like a docile cow. So many double standards and judging a woman as a wrongdoer always.

Seeing people in a natural state is always a wonderful feeling. Society puts so much pressure on women to behave and look a certain way.

Women would feel so real if there was no one to impress, no one to influence us, and we could live and be ourselves.

It was my parents who were always motivating and inspirational and led me on. My father is the eternal romantic to see his daughter achieving goals and creating inroads in the male-dominated society.

My efforts to break the barriers of society often led me to despair and unhappiness. I would rant and take it out at home and my parents would listen and support me but just let it be so I had to fight my battles alone.

When I had to go for admission to my undergraduate degree, my father was keen that I do business studies because women would not tread on such subjects and I had to be different.

He only wanted me to do things that would help to shape my personality. How much I had to stride and fight only I knew. It is not easy to be in a crowd of boys where society does not accept it.

The boys make fun of you and you are a target all the time. You have to dress, speak, and conduct yourself correctly all the time.

At times, I used to be angry that my father pushed me into new things that were beyond my limits and brought me a lot of pain trying to fulfill my plans.

I had somewhat got used to being ridiculed as even in my master's I was the only female student.

While completing my final year, I got a job in a corporate organization, I was able to get a job in the accounts department of a multinational organization.

Marriage, career, and constant nudge

A year after working in the company where also I struggled not knowing how to proceed being the only female from business studies with no help. It was an arduous task.

In the meantime, I was married. I faced the challenges of continuing in an office job as women working in companies were not considered to be of good character. People urged me to stop working but I was stubborn and continued to work.

I changed my job and went into higher education and started teaching in a college. This brought relief as teaching was considered to be respectable. Little did people know that there again I was the only woman.

The male staff ogled at me and I took it all with dignity.

At home, I was an outsider being a daughter-in-law of the family and to add to it a working woman. Daughters and daughters-in-law of the extended family were kept away from me lest they also wanted to work.

They would sit together as a family in closed doors which I was not invited. I found this odd that there should be silent oppression in daily life too.

I worked against all odds with a fear in the internal world but sheer confidence to show the world I was not scared and believe me today the women in the household all have a career. Someone has to dent the inroads of societal norms for others to follow.

I had written earlier about how I was marginalized and lonely while doing my Ph.D. and you can read it here.

However, I faced many societal challenges but made the way for others to flow through their Ph.D. easily.

I traveled alone in India and abroad and in my time it was not considered to be good for women but I had no option but to choose to live a free life under the pressure of society's norms.

I had a long career working in the corporate, being an entrepreneur and of course the longest in the academic world.

Everywhere I worked for women to have a better standing in life. I supported several women in distress and helped them to address their challenges with dignity and to break barriers in society.

Present and future

I am no longer afraid of societal pressures and have made a life for myself. I am healed. In turn, I find many women not able to get out of the rut.

One of the women I support has worked for 12 years where the husband takes away all the money she earns and plans finances his own way without consulting her and she has to ask for permission to get some money.

There are many such incidents where women are facing pressures due to society’s norms.

I work for such women without shouting at people but giving them back silently in the same way as they push others.

I see a future of dignity for women at home and in their careers. At least they do not have the kind of fear I faced being the only woman doing new things in life and surviving.

I am grateful for my journey of life. I do not have the fears I once had. I am confident that in the next few years, I will be able to train women to stand on their own terms and pursue a life of happiness.

©Dr. Preeti Singh, 2024.

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