Breaking News: Secret AI Writers Discovered On Medium

Just When You Thought You Were Getting To Know Someone

There has been a lot of buzz going on lately concerning the advances in artificial intelligence. Content creators have expressed worries that AI will soon replace human writers, artists, and other creatives.

I’m not here to blow sunshine up your ass and tell you that it’s never going to happen — that human intelligence is too creative and far-ranging to never be replaced.

I’m here to tell you exactly the opposite.

But it’s worse than we feared.

Much worse.

It’s already happening as we speak. The evidence is more than obvious. I will provide two prime examples that reside on this very platform.

Supposed live people who produce copious amounts of great content as well as appear to be in multiple places at one time. They are not only successful multitaskers.

No.

They are androids or AI-enhanced humanoids. Call them whatever you wish. Think of Data from Star Trek and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what we’re dealing with here.

I think the evidence will speak for itself when you check it out. I’m doing the right thing and blowing the whistle because this shit is getting out of hand.

I have uncovered at least two, but I’m sure there are many more. I’m calling out Jason Provencio and Rusty Shackleford. They may even be programmed and managed by the same handler. At this point, anything is possible.

All I know for sure is that there’s no way in Hades these two stellar writing aficionados exist IRL. They might have come from the Dark Web.

I know they definitely came from somewhere dark, maybe The Darkside or maybe even The Dark Side of The Moon. They could’ve even come from the backside.

If you don’t believe me, just check out their Discord server or the sheer amount of award-winning blogs they produce. I can attest to automated brilliance when I read it. No way can they physically be in three different places simultaneously.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

In the event I suddenly disappear after divulging this information, please alert my family that I have backups of my research to prove all this. Go to my address at… wait, what are you doing in here? You can’t just come barging into my home like this. Help! Help! Can anyone hear…

Thanks for reading.

P.S. If you’re still here, please come and rescue me from Rusty Shackleford’s basement where I’m being held against my will along with the moderators for his Discord server. If you free us from captivity, you will be handsomely rewarded. I will personally gift you my three-year-old barely worn running shoes, size ten. They have been used mainly for laying in bed and playing video games. I also pledge to buy you a large coffee of your choosing from Dunkin Donuts. That’s right — big money — I said large and I mean it. Shhhh, someone’s coming.