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Breaking News: Medium Writer Caught Procrastinating Procrastination
A special report of a near-fatal writing experience brought to you by The Kraken News
Saturday, 14 January 2023, Wyaconda, MI. In the middle of the night, Medium’s Rapid Response Team (MRRT) broke into the house of one Gerd Gerald Geraltson, fearing for the Medium writer’s life. Illegal keyboard tracking revealed the fiction writer was typing the word “of” for seven consecutive hours.
“We were apprehensive,” says Medium employee Philip Crossword, “usually such writing behaviour suggests a seizure or a similar event. Because Mr Geraltson is a fiction writer, we normally wouldn’t have noticed because of their sh… eh … low views.”
Instead of finding a dying fiction writer, the MRRT first responders found Mr Geraltson healthy but bored. The middle-aged writer used his total lung capacity to sigh repeatedly between pressing the o and f keys.
Mr Geraltson explained his odd behaviour by pointing out his writing coach had taught him writing anything that comes to one’s mind was better than a blank page.
Asked why he wrote the word “of” a few thousand times, Mr Geraltson replied, “Of? Oh, you got that one wrong. I felt so blocked that the only thing that came to my mind was ‘Oh fu..’”
Back to the studio and a special report by Jonathon Sawyer!
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