Breaking a Habit — Building a Family
Friday. No work. How will I survive two full days of family time? Or as my wife calls it Family Fun Time. I struggle to find the fun of this waste of time but maybe it is not too late to change.
Friday. I left work 20 minutes ago and am now turning into our driveway. As always I look at the driveway and wonder how I ended up here. I am looking at my house and realize that this is not the house I had in my dream when I was young.
“Hi, dad. You look tired. I am off to Fred — I will be home in a few hours.” My son met me on his way out, he didn’t even wait for a reply.
In the kitchen, my beautiful girl looked up and I saw the disappointment on her face as she realised it was me. I am no longer the most important in her life.
“My Princess, how are you?” I asked as I hung my keys on the little board we have on the wall, so they are organized correctly (just by looking at the board you will know who is home, my wife says).
“I don’t have time to talk now, dad. I have to finish this before Jennifer is here. I am having a sleepover at her place tonight.”
“As long as mom is okay with that,” was my reply. “I think mom has some plans for us together.” Not that I know of any but my wife always has plans.
“What plans? She didn’t say anything to me. You know, I make plans too and it is not like your plans are so much more important. I am almost 14 and can manage my own life, thank you.”
I wouldn’t say I liked how our family had turned out. I am not convinced we have been the better parents. I am thankful I only introduced two new inhabitants to this world and just as I think that, my wife walks in the door.
“Oh, you are home already,” she says with disappointment or maybe it was surprise in her voice when she sees me.
“I love you too, darling wife. I hope you had a wonderful day at work and have been looking forward to the weekend.”
“I did and all I dreamt about was going home. Finally Friday. We will have an amazing weekend.”
“But mom I want to go to a sleepover at Jennifers. Dad said it is ok.” My deceitful daughter tried and I just shook my head to my wife.
“Silly you. You know weekends are Family Fun Time and we do things together in this family. We all agree on that so it is not open for discussion. You’ll have fun, you just wait and see.” My wife does have plans but she has not yet shared them with the rest of us.
We have routines in our family. My wife says it is a good thing as we do not need to discuss everything every time. With routines, we get a more fulfilling life and the routines make everything much faster.
Like tasting our food before adding salt as often it has been tasted by the chef before being served.
Like washing clothes every Friday after work so it is dry late Saturday so we can put it away Saturday evening so we have all the Sunday off to relax and have fun.
Like always be positive. Even bad things can be a blessing in disguise, my wife says. We just need to focus on the positives of everything. “I slept terribly” should be “I didn’t sleep much but it gives me an excuse to take a nap a little later.”
Like always help and take upon yourself to do something helpful every day. It can be taking out the trash even if you are not told to do so or mowing the lawn without being told to do so.
We have many of those rules and routines. I should not call them that. My wife says that are negative words and the correct one is traditions. Traditions are all good and cosy. Rules and routines are boring and sound like work. I seem to mix the two words up often.
A rule we have is meeting around the kitchen table every Friday after work. This is where we will make the plans for the weekend as a family.
Usually, it is my wife that lays out a plan that the rest of us adjust to. I have tried to make other suggestions but they are never as good as those my wife has made.
This weekend plans are waiting until we all are home and we are missing the Frankton of the future. I turn on the TV and look up the game. We should make a family trip to the big game in a few weeks.
Eric, our son, would love it. Not so sure about the girls but maybe even Janice, our daughter would like it because it sure would be different. But I will not suggest it as I know one that will dislike that idea.
Eric must have come home as I hear the ringing of the old brass clock we have in the kitchen — this is the signal; the family meeting will start soon.
Jolly Friday at the Frankton’s home.
We sit at the round table in our usual places. My wife is in the chair closest to the kitchen and stove. I am usually the one carrying everything to the table when we have dinner but she wishes to be closest to the food as she has to go to it more often, she says.
I sit next to my wife and on the other side of me, my daughter is sitting. My son is too old now to care much about those family weekends and even before we start, he will inform us that he is not able to be around this weekend. This has become a tradition by now.
“You live under my roof and as long as you do that you participate. You will cancel your plans and we will have fun.” Standard argument every Friday.
This Friday though my daughter has her saying too. She also feels she is too old for this now and that she “actually has a life” so will need more time on her own with her friends.
I am usually quiet. I just wonder what the main event will be this weekend.
“I have felt a strong tension in this house lately. You, Janice, seem to be so unhappy with your father and me and always want to do something else. And you, Eric, are never home during the week. We need to fix what is wrong by building a shared experience and finding something we all will have fun doing together. I am open to hearing your ideas but I have made some arrangements — after that, we can try some of yours too.”
My wife jumped out of the closet of secret planning. “I have found something we all can enjoy. I have found a sport that will be so much fun; Square Dance. We start tomorrow at 10. Isn’t that just wonderful?”
A family that dances together sweats together.
The response came immediately. “I will not participate in some old country thing. Everyone will make jokes about that,” my son said.
“Square dance is only for old people. I refuse to do that,” my daughter explained.
“I have made the arrangements so now we are going and just so you know, we will have a great time — and each of you will make sure of that.”
“Now, I need all your clothes for washing in the laundry room in 10. And then I made this list of chores with your names on. We will start making dinner in 15 as soon as the washing machine is spinning. Later I have ice cream for us.”
The Queen of the house had spoken and she turned around and we all got up to get our laundry for her. I loved how open and adventurous my wife used to be but since the kids got older she has got so strict and bossy.
Life might serve you lemons but it is your responsibility to turn them into a lemon cake.
Saturday we arrived at this large building that could be mistaken for a warehouse. Inside they had made a small western theme village with a saloon, a hairdresser, a kiosk and other wooden houses for different purposes.
At the far end, a small scene was lifted off the ground and a set of musicians was playing some old country music. I realized that I knew many of the songs already. My mother had the radio turned on always and she loved country music.
My feet moved to the music as I heard an old Kenny Rogers classic.
“… His mama named him Tommy. But folks just called him yellow. But somethings always told me, they were reading Tommy wrong.”
We got escorted to the bar and there we were greeted by a big woman, who had a dress on with fringes and frills and lots of layers so it strutted beautifully. A colourful western dress that certainly didn’t make her look any smaller.
She was full of energy. “Welcome to Western Town. I hope you will have fun today.” And then she explained what we would be learning.
Soon we were out on the floor among at least 50 other people. It was clear to me that we were the new dancers and we made a lot of mistakes but everybody just laughed and had fun.
What was most surprising was how our kids soon had fun learning the steps. A sweet young girl soon helped my son the correct steps and he kind of moved away from us. My daughter stayed close but she was smiling and made fun of my mistakes.
Later while we had a break from the dance, we acted like a family once again and even made jokes and talked about next time.
My wife was so happy. “I knew it. I knew it,” she kept saying. “I think we can try it again next week.”
My son was the first one to respond, “Will all the same people be here again?” I think he was only interested in one specific person.
On our way home Eric found some more country music that he thought was not so old. Soon we could sing along to the choruses.
A family that sings together are not all bad.
The laughing, singing and the jokes in the car on the way home had been missing for some time. Especially Eric wanted to go as soon as possible again.
“June told me they meet on Tuesdays too at The Tipsy Cow. Can we go, mom?” So now we know her name was June.
“Eric is in love with June!” Janice said while laughing. Yesterday that would have made Eric fight her but today he just laughed.
“We will find you a cowboy wannabe, sis. It is about time you get a cute little boy to hold your hand.”
We now have new routines or traditions depending on who you ask. Saturdays, Tuesdays and sometimes Sundays we join the Western Town and dance and eat and have fun for some hours.
The kids do not need to be home every weekend as long as we share this one thing as a family. My wife has loosened the rules much.
Even I find it much more fun to come home and just last week I bought the full outfit as a cowboy —the family laughed and thought it was too much but secretly I know, it will not take long before they go all in as well.
A happy family laughs together.
Eric and June have been seeing each other more than just at the dances. They seem to be very fond of each other.
Janice has not a boyfriend yet but I know it is a matter of time. She often hugs me when I come home from work.
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This story is fiction and I have not used AI in any form.