Break Free of the Box

Will you define — or be defined?

The human animal is a caged beast. Full of potential, it sputters in idle for most of its life.

At the core, it’s a psychological problem — one that’s self-imposed. David Goggins calls this limitation The 40% Rule, where he likens humans to stock cars. Our minds and bodies have huge reservoirs of potential, but — like a racing vehicle — we each have a governor impeding us from reaching our maximum velocity. We must remove that perilously restrictive governor.

We all have dreams, but the limiting beliefs and constructs built into the fabric of society always seem to bite back:

• Did you come from a lower-class upbringing? “Your ceiling is here.”
• Do you want to teach? “Here are your ‘educator’ pathways.”
• Want to build financial wealth? “Go climb the corporate ladder.”
• Seeking to change professional fields? “You must go back to school.”
• Want to genuinely help others? “Go do social service or charity work.”

Boundaries are quickly drawn all around us as we grow up, and we perceive them as very real. Our options are seemingly few. Family, friends, teachers — often unknowingly — describe what is and isn’t possible in our lives. And we accept nearly all of it.

We become boxed in. And we don’t realize it until well after it’s happened.

We live within the confines of someone else’s systems and rules, not even questioning the situation. Low ceilings are fixed above us, so we just duck — unwittingly accepting the situation. Limiting beliefs and societal systems press down on us, saying, “stay down and in your lane!”

We accept being average and ride it out across a lifetime. Don’t let this be your story.

You know in your heart you’re capable of SO much more. You stir anxiously at night…and you rage at those “boxed in” moments during the day. Those are signs that you’re made for something greater. So, how will you start to see clearly and tap into your 100% potential?

Begin By Wrestling With “Passion”

“…making progress in life is never just about your passion and your confidence…It’s also about how well you foresee, comprehend, and react to prevailing conditions in the world around you.”

— Reid Hoffman

We need passion. It ignites our curiosity. It spurs us to question the status quo and — eventually — punch a hole through the box we’ve been living in.

So many commencement addresses and inspirational monologues tell us that, to be happy and successful, we need to go find our passion.

Well, good luck — you won’t. It’s not sitting under a rock waiting for you to lift the right one. Passion is not something you find. As Cal Newport says, it’s something you cultivate.

And realize this: what you’re passionate about will evolve. What energizes you now will fade and transition to something else later (though it might have adjacencies). As in the Indian religious concept of dharma, we’re on a journey of continual course correction to identify our true calling. It takes time.

Expect your passions to change in both your professional and personal lives (if you choose to bifurcate that way). Coming out of college, hardly anyone gets it “right” by picking a major and then following a decades-long, linear sequence of better and better jobs that cleanly align to that early-chosen pathway. You might stay stubborn and stay on that one-lane highway, but chances are, you won’t feel fulfilled and you’ll miss opportunities.

Or take the personal angle — in my early 20s, I was keen to have a thriving social life and travel a lot. I could feel a burning passion there. That all changed. Now, in my mid-thirties, I am overwhelmingly focused on living a philosophy-inspired, virtuous life focused on being a great husband and father. It burns within me, and I love that I’m drawn to those roles.

Expect to zig and zag — in fact, make sure you do. Doing so develops range and perspective. This helps you generate career capital, which opens up more doors. It builds your wisdom and ability to spot opportunities that you wouldn’t see otherwise.

“Find your passion” is weak advice and will not help you break free of the box. Instead, keep an open mind and continuously seek signals for things that enliven you. Experiment where the fire flickers. Move away from things that drain and toward things that resonate.

Only then can we begin to discover our potential.

Find Out What You’re Truly Capable Of

All those people living the life you dream of — you think they weren’t scared to defy the norm? Of course, they were. We all fear the unknown…the uncomfortable. You can — and must — take the same leap they did.

Staying in our comfort zone nearly guarantees an average life. The standardized systems around us — education, career paths, relationship norms — are predictable and lead to mediocre outcomes. Are you really okay living within these limiting boxes? Or are you going to take some bold chances with the precious time you have on this planet?

Tapping into our potential depends on our ability and willingness to identify the boxes around us and actively choose to leap beyond those boundaries. As legendary basketball coach George Raveling said:

“If we allow people to keep us in boxes, how will one ever reach their outer limits?”

Being inside the box is comfortable and “known” — that’s why we instinctually choose it. Going outside is scary. Learning new skills, reading different books, exposing yourself to worldviews opposite than your own, applying for jobs you’re “unqualified” for — this is difficult.

It’s never too late to take chances — to reinvent in some way. Small changes, well-aimed, compound to generate life-changing results. We each have one life to live. How will you spend it?

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