Borrowing God’s Brain
When my human brain feels like it is on vacation.
I am an extremely busy person. My daily life even during a pandemic, when, by wise choice, I am sticking pretty close to home, is filled with activity, albeit much of it in front of a computer screen. I see therapy clients via telehealth. I create articles for various sites and publications. I do PR and marketing work. I offer editing and writing consulting services.
I babysit my 14-month-old grandson four mornings a week while my son and daughter-in-law are at work (her parents or sister take the afternoon shift) and then occasionally on weekends I have family time with all of them. I have not seen my sister and her family for over a year. I have sporadically spent time with friends, at a distance, masked and if possible, outside. Weird for this woman who was accustomed to socializing at pot luck gatherings, concerts, drumming circles, faith services, community activities, and classes/workshops. This consummate hugger who offered FREE HUGS events, racking up thousands of embraces with people I have met since Hugmobsters Armed With Love launched in 2014, can count on both hands MAYBE, the number of humans I have hugged in the past year. The snuggle is real!
If you want to geek out, there is a paper I just discovered called Social Touch and Human Development. It describes the impact of touch on humans. We have skin hunger which is right up there as a must-meet-need, below food hunger. Without it, we fail to thrive. In the past year, many have been emotionally and tactilely starving. I have gotten resourceful with self-care, cuddling stuffed animals and pillows, snuggling in blankets, doing self-massage, and hugging trees. Of course, baby cuddles are the best and I guarantee that even if I was not limited in who I can safely hug now, my grandson would still be my favorite. Time with him is mutually beneficial. My heart goes out to anyone who is completely alone.
One of the downsides of physical isolation for me and many who are reading this is that my brain is hungry for the chemicals that make us feel good and thus stimulate brain function. We all need a heaping DOSE of:
- Dopamine
- Oxytocin
- Serotonin
- Endorphins
I am wondering how much of what I call CRS (Can’t Remember Sh*t) Syndrome is connected to having the flow of those brain stimulants dammed up. That whole memory challenge has been a source of anxiety. As I am now 62, with an active life, I was sure I would be sharp as a tack. The tack seems to be dulling. I don’t sense that it is early-onset dementia, although it is, admittedly a fear. As long as I can think and speak and write, I can work. Thank goodness for the thesaurus function on my computer.
I cut myself some slack since my cranial ‘hard drive’ is full and the problem isn’t storage; it’s retrieval. I find myself staring into space, without purpose. I can call it Zen practice. What I am attempting to do is push the reset button so I can recall the last thought of who I intended to call or write to, a writing prompt for an article, or something as mundane as items on a grocery list.
I amaze myself at times that I am functioning even at the level I am. I have started taking brain fog supplements. Hard to say if it’s helping. Word finding difficulties pop up more often when I am working with clients or teaching. I get creative at those times and often describe what I am thinking in flowery terms and inevitably the person I am speaking with will say, “Oh, you mean….” I smile (even if they can’t see me) and make a mental note so that the next opportunity that arises, I can remember the reference. I have noticed that I am slowing down, doing things more meticulously, narrating my activities…”Okay, now we’re going to get ready for work, set up the computer, plug in the external camera and the charge cord. Remember you are going to be on a Zoom panel today on “COVID 19-A Year in Review and a Look Forward,” so be sure the room is set up and the lighting is good. Oh, and remember to put on makeup.” That I have done only a handful of times in the past year. No need to since I am wearing a mask when I am out and about. From the comfort of my living room, I will be sans mask. I take copious notes for each of my projects, crossing them off when completed. I get 7–8 hours of sleep a night which helps recharge my brain. I work out daily in my living room gym. I have tested myself when listening to music, coming up with the name of the song and artist and perhaps even a think link to an encounter or person the song reminds me of.
Recently, I worked myself into a free-fall frenzy as our counseling practice launched the use of EMR (Electronic Medical Records). It is a complex system with a steep learning curve. We had been preparing for it for months. I took advantage of the pre-launch classes, reading the online material, poring over the user manual, met with my two supervisors and a co-worker. Still, I found myself flustered and engaging in negative self-talk. “You’re never going to get this. Your brain is too full and too slow. What if you screw it up? What if you can’t be present with your clients (via telehealth) if you have to be doing data entry at the same time? You might have to quit and find an easier job. How can you find one that would fit your current schedule? What if you are unemployed, how will you pay your bills?”
I’m not prone to anxiety or depression, but I felt like I was being sucked into a vortex of despair. I had a clearer idea of how some of my clients feel daily. Then I took a deep breath and gave myself the pep talk of a lifetime, saying the things I would tell my clients if they were in a similar situation. I would certainly have compassion for them. I decided to avail myself of the strength and support that had sustained me through multiple losses and challenges over the years. I took a leap and said to the Divine, “I would like to borrow your brain. Please let me understand this system through your mind.” I then expressed gratitude for the loaner and set about opening the program. Within minutes, I got it! All of the pieces started falling into place. I was relieved and exhilarated. What took hours to complete the first few days is now whittled down considerably. It served as a powerful reminder that I still have what it takes to keep up with tech developments and reprogram my brain blips.
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. ― Steven Wright
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The story was previously published on The Good Men Project.
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About Edie Weinstein
Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, inspiring transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, editor, radio host, BLISS coach, event producer, certified Laughter Yoga Leader, Cosmic Concierge, the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary and co-author of Embraced By the Divine: The Emerging Woman’s Gateway to Power, Passion and Purpose. She has also contributed to several anthologies and personal growth books. Edie has interviewed such notables as Ram Dass, Wayne Dyer, Debbie Ford, don Miguel Ruiz, don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Grover Washington, Jr. Noah Levine, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Ben and Jerry and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She calls herself an Opti-mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. Edie writes for The Huffington Post, Psych Central, Beliefnet, Elephant Journal, The Good Men Project, Expanded Family, Meaningful Mom, Happenings Media, as well as a growing number of other venues. Edie is the founder of Hug Mobsters Armed With Love, which offers FREE HUGS events on a planned and spontaneous basis. www.opti-mystical.com
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