Boris Johnson. №10 Squatter.
Early afternoon, Tuesday 12th July.
Boris Johnson: [looking out of window] Look at them down there, milling around like things milling around on Downing Street. ….Here comes Mordaunt, “I want to celebrate Britain. I want to make a splash. I had footage of the London 2012 Paralympics featuring convicted murderer Oscar Pistorius in my glossy campaign video.” What an absolute bloody buffoon.
1st Downing Street Aide: Grant Shapps has dropped out the contest.
Boris Johnson: Typical Shapps, can’t commit. Well at least the railways are sorted out.
2nd Downing Street Aide: They’re not Prime Minister.
Boris Johnson: Typical Shapps, can’t commit.
[knock at door]
Penny Mordaunt, Minister of State for Trade Policy: Afternoon Prime Minister.
Boris Johnson: Penny, what a coincidence. I was just saying you’re one of the few politicians I respect. What can I do for you today?
Penny Mordaunt: I was wondering if I could seek your endorsement.
Boris Johnson: Sorry Pen. I’m not backing any leadership contenders; I wouldn’t want to damage anyone’s chances with my support.
[silence]
Boris Johnson: It’s a joke Penny. You’re supposed to laugh.
Me: Another tough audience.
Fly: Sorry. I don’t understand.
Boris Johnson: I notice Jeremy Hunt’s running.
Penny Mordaunt: Yes Prime Minister.
Boris Johnson: Does Jezzer honestly think he can beat me second time of asking?
Penny Mordaunt: You’re not standing Prime Minister.
Boris Johnson: Er, um, yes of course.
1st Downing Street Aide: Sorry to interrupt, Prime Minister, there’s some ‘breaking news’ on the television.
Boris Johnson: Sorry Pen, I’ll have to fire up the old cathode ray tube….
[coverage of Sajid Javid leadership campaign launch on the television]
Boris Johnson: He’s a bit of a sweater isn’t he? Would’ve thought he’d be used to the heat where he comes from.
1st Downing Street Aide: [whispering to 2nd Downing Street Aide] Rochdale, Lancashire?






