Blow Jobs… Meh.

Not all men are as into blow jobs as you might think

Let me start by saying that as a red-blooded male with an outrageously high sex-drive, I like it when my partner decides to give me oral sex.

I find it hot, exciting, titillating, seductive, arousing, stimulating and every other synonym for “Sexy AF” that you can come up with.

Again for the peeps in the back… I LIKE BLOW JOBS.

But…

I’m not totally obsessed with them like a lot of men are.

Blow jobs are not on my “Mount Rushmore” of sexual activities.

And more often than not, I have a take it or leave it attitude about them — if my partner is interested in giving me one, giddyup, but if not, I’m not going to feel like I’m missing out on anything.

The Power Dynamics of Blow Jobs

Over the past few days, I’ve read two really interesting articles about blow jobs that inspired me to write this.

The amazing Yael Wolfe wrote a piece about making women feel safe while giving you a blow job that resonated with me because it made me think more clearly about how some women (or men) feel vulnerable while giving a guy head.

You can check out Yael’s story here:

I think I knew instinctively that some people felt like this, and subconsciously, I understood that this could be a confronting thing for someone giving a blowie because they are quite literally having something big and hard shoved deep into their mouth.

The truth is, I just never thought of it that way because that’s not how I “receive” blow jobs (which we’ll talk about further below, I know you’re excited to read about that!).

Then, in a follow up to Yael’s post, Meaghan Ward wrote a good piece about why some women love giving their man a blow job.

Here’s Meaghan’s piece for completeness:

Meaghan also talked about the power dynamic of blow jobs and she sees it as being empowering for her. She pointed out that having a man’s cock, his most vulnerable appendage and one associated more often than not with his very masculinity, in your mouth, just a small bite away from causing serious damage, was a very powerful feeling.

That resonated with me because that’s how I’ve always felt personally when receiving a blow job — my partner has my most sensitive body part under their total control.

Blow jobs make me feel vulnerable if we’re being truthful.

Understanding Control and Submitting

Yael does a great job of describing how to ensure a woman feels safe while polishing your knob, so there’s no point in giving any advice about this — she nails it, go back up above, click on her post, read it thoroughly and give her some claps.

But I do want to share the way I handle blow jobs and maybe some of the guys reading this can take away some pointers about being a good recipient.

1) I go where my partner wants me to go

If the moment takes us to a place where my partner wants to give me oral sex, then I fully follow their lead.

Want me on my back? No problem.

Standing up while you kneel in front of me? Okey-doke.

You want to lay your head over the edge of the bed and have me fuck your mouth and throat from a standing position? You’re sure about this? Alrighty.

I let them dictate the position and pace.

2) I tell them what I like and encourage them

I’m not talking about cracking out the pom-poms here and cheering them on — this isn’t high school football.

But, a little bit of, “That feels amazing” or “Yeah, yeah! Keep licking that spot!” goes a long way in getting what you want, but it also makes the person giving you the blow job feel like an absolute fucking sex champion.

3) I never grab or touch the person’s head

Look, I’m going to be honest here. I have a small fear that the person with my cock in their mouth might just bite down and damage my little soldier, so I think it’s a bad move to force it down the other person’s throat.

They’re the person in control of this situation, so I think it’s best to let them do their thing and vocalize a bit (a la point #2) if there’s something I want.

“Take it deeper into your mouth” is a much better approach than grabbing her or him by the back of the head and stuffing your dick down their throat when they aren’t expecting it.

4) Give them the head’s up when I’m about to cum

Yael made a point about discussing upfront whether you can cum in your partner’s mouth or not.

I can honestly say, I’ve never had that conversation with someone.

In the past, I’ve had women say to me, “Don’t cum in my mouth, ok?”

But usually, I just give the other person a 10-second warning, with something simple like, “Fuck, I’m going to cum!”

If they want to pull out and jerk me off to completion or go harder and let me cum in their mouth, I leave that up to them by giving them ample time to make their own decision.

Generally speaking, I rarely cum from blow jobs, so this isn’t something I’ve had to worry about too much.

5) Swallow or Spit? That’s their call

Seriously, if you’ve just sucked my cock and let me cum in your mouth, if you want to spit that out, I’m perfectly ok with that.

Honestly, I won’t care if you literally spit it out on my cock and balls or my stomach. When I’ve just put a load of semen in your mouth, this is no time for me to be precious.

This is a personal choice and I stay out of it, no pressure either way.

6) Post blow job kissing protocols

I know a lot of guys get super weird about this.

Their partner sucks them off, takes a mouthful of their sperm, swallows or spits it out, and then slides up for a kiss and the guy gets all grossed out.

One time, in a conversation with some buddies, one guy physically gagged at the table when I said that I didn’t care if a woman kissed me after sucking my dick or if I’d just cum in her mouth.

Gagger McGagFace got all squirmish about “cock breath” and it made me more certain than ever that his wife was probably having horribly unfulfilling sex with her squeamish man-baby of a husband.

If your partner gets you off with their mouth and then afterwards wants to kiss you, be an adult and pucker up.

*- Caveat here, if she’s trying to snowball you, and you’re not into that, you can object, I give you clemency here, boundaries are important.

Here’s The Crazy Thing… Not All Men Love BJs

I touched on it a bit, but it’s worth repeating…

Not all guys are totally obsessed with blow jobs.

There is a quiet cohort of men who, if they’re asked in relative anonymity, will tell you that they could take or leave regular blow jobs as part of their usual sex life.

Once in awhile, excellent.

Every time as a regular part of foreplay? Nah.

Why do men not discuss this openly if they don’t care either way for blow jobs?

We go back to Yael’s post. The general perception among men is that it’s masculine and virile for you to have your woman suck your dick and if you’re not really into it, it calls into question your manhood.

It’s a sexual power dynamic thing — alpha males get blow jobs regularly from their women.

That kind of antiquated bullshit doesn’t interest me — I think recreational, casual sex is about doing what’s fun, making sure everyone has a great time, and goes home feeling good about themselves.

I know for me personally, I’d rather spend time pleasuring a woman with my hands or my mouth and making them orgasm than getting blow jobs.

Because women are far more multi-orgasmic than men, spending more time pleasuring a woman like this means that their sexual arousal gets heightened and before long, they will be pleading to be fucked.

And like a lot of men will tell you, they find fucking, WAAAAAY better than getting a blow job.

The only time when I absolutely LOVE a blow job is when my partner is also fingering my asshole and playing with my prostate. Having a finger in my ass while getting my cock sucked is a completely different experience from a straight-up blow job — I literally do not even consider them the same sexual activity.

But most men aren’t into letting their partner explore their ass (we’re back to antiquated gender identity roles), so they’re missing out on this little “sex hack”.

The bottom line is, I will let my partner give me a blow job if they want to and for me, that’s a form of submission as I’m turning over control to them.

If they’re looking to just give me pleasure as part of our sexual experience, then I can talk to them about my other “Mount Rushmore” activities which will get me off in a much more exciting way.