Black Iris: Chapter Seventeen
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CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Driving to my dad’s place takes 30 minutes door to door with the typical traffic of a late Saturday morning. When I first lost my license, he used to come to pick me up, but now there’s a new bus route with a stop in Right Haven. It’s a 45-minute ride, and it leaves me with a 20-minute walk, so it’s kind of a pain in the ass. At least it’s quiet and scenic once you cross the Helmand Bridge and get outside of the city.
Mayor Bottom actually lives out here, in the mansion that was Annette’s childhood home. The city provides a perfectly good mayor’s residence just a few blocks from City Hall Plaza, but it wasn’t good enough for the Bottoms. Some people think Annette just wanted to keep her philandering husband as far from the temptations of the city as possible. If that was her plan, it failed miserably.
The bus stops along the main road in front of a park that separates Bottoms’ neighborhood from ours (and a 250% drop in property value). When the mayor moved in, they put up a 10-foot wall behind the bus stop. I could shave 10 minutes off of my walk by jumping over it, but it’s too damn hot today to exert that kind of energy.
When I arrive at our house, I’m drawn to the kitchen by the crackle of sizzling butter as my father flips one of his patented grilled cheese sandwiches with a spatula.
“Just in time,” he says, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his wrist.
“Nice.” I sit down at the round kitchen table and get blasted in the face by the sun coming in from the sliding glass door. “I see you still haven’t replaced the blinds.”
He glares at me. “No, I haven’t.”
As a kitten, I couldn’t keep my paws off of them, and it’s a habit I never got over. The last time I was here, I tugged on them a little too hard and snapped the rod in half.
“Well, I can’t sit here,” I say, shielding my eyes with my hand.
“Fine, we can eat in the living room. You want milk?”
“Yes, please.”
I set up TV trays in front of two plush recliners facing the television, and he brings in our food and beverages.
“How’s work?” I say before sinking my teeth into a hot, gooey sandwich.
“Fine, I guess. How’s sitting on your ass all day?”
“Can’t complain.”
I was here the day after my lawsuit was thrown out and told him everything that was happening. He was more understanding about my suicide than I thought he’d be. While he knows what I did was stupid, he admits that he might well have done the same thing if he were in my shoes. Apparently, he’s already on the waiting list for a donor dong in Aaru, anticipating what 200 years wrapped in mummy bandages is going to do to his anatomy after he dies.
He takes a sip of beer and turns on the TV. Mayor Bottom appears on the screen at a podium in front of a bright-brown ribbon with the words “Marbles Center Grand Opening” printed on it.
“I recorded the Consumers Energy 400 last week,” my father says. “Want to watch it?”
“No, keep it on this for a minute. I want to see what the mayor has to say.”
“If you say so.” He rests the remote on the arm of his chair.
Bottom clears his throat before beginning his speech: “Helios Industries has been a pillar of this community for generations. Not only have they provided both career and educational opportunities to the fine people of Kibble, but they’ve also been extremely generous philanthropists. Over the years, they’ve donated millions of their profits to schools, hospitals, religious organizations, homeless shelters, and soup kitchens all over the city. I, therefore, consider it a great honor to be here celebrating the grand opening of this medical marvel.”
“Hey, Dad, is it just me, or does Bottom seem… off?”
“What do you mean ‘off’?”
“Well, for one thing, he’s a lot shorter than he used to be.”
My father squints at the TV. “Maybe a little.”
“A little? His chin barely comes over the top of the podium.”
He grabs his glasses from the coffee table. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. He’s supposed to be 5' 10’’, and here he looks barely 5' 4’’. Hmm.”
“So how do you explain that?”
“He was sick recently.”
“Seriously? What kind of illness causes a middle-aged man to suddenly shrink six inches?”
He shrugs. “Osteoporosis?”
“They said he had food poisoning.”
“I don’t know, then.”
Bottom continues: “… We have excellent hospitals here in Kibble — maybe some of the best in the state — but I’ve had the privilege of taking a tour of this new facility, and let me tell you, there’s nothing like it anywhere else in the world…”
“And it’s not just his height either. I don’t really follow politics, but what happened to all that charisma he’s so famous for? I mean look at him standing there. The guy’s dull as fish water.”
“I think the saying is ‘dull as dishwater.’”
“I like my way better. But don’t you agree?”
“I don’t know, I guess. I’ve never been a big Bottom fan myself. He hasn’t exactly been the best neighbor over the years.”
Sometimes they host parties so large that valets have to park cars on our street. Their security team often blocks off streets or reroutes traffic to accommodate both personal and city business.
“Have there been any problems lately?”
“Actually, the mansion’s been pretty quiet.”
“That’s good, I guess.”
“…And without further ado, I’d like to introduce Helios CEO, Peter Marble.”
Applause from the large crowd accompanies a thin, boyish-looking man as he walks into frame. He’s got a Clark Kent-ness about him like he’s trying to hide his secrets behind a pair of nerdy glasses. As the mayor steps away from the podium, the two men shake hands.
“Hey, Dad, what do you think of this Marble guy?”
When you’re the director of a museum that relies heavily on donations, you familiarize yourself with the city’s elite.
He shrugs. “I don’t know much about him. He’s only been their CEO for about a year.”
Their previous CEO managed to survive a sex scandal involving taxidermy bears only to be caught up in the biggest blunder in company history. Their sex drug N-Gorge was meant to be a game-changer in that, unlike boner pills such as Viagra and Cialis, it was designed for both men and women. The problem was they rushed it to market before they were aware of the side effects. Some women grew full beards, some men grew giant lactating tits, and many people went blind. Nobody knows for sure how these things were overlooked, but they suspect someone either falsified data or just chose to ignore it. The Phantom speculated there might never have been any human trials at all.
“Shit, that’s right. But he’s done a lot in a year. It isn’t just this hospital. There’s a whole campus out there where that burning mountain of tires used to be.”
Marble raises the mic to accommodate his taller stature. “First of all, I’d like to thank Mayor Bottom and his administration for their tremendous support. They understand what our new hospital can do for our children and our community, and they’ve done everything in their power to help us turn our vision into a reality…” Marble smiles and waits for more applause.
Meanwhile, the mayor stands off to the side, staring straight ahead, stiff as though carved out of wax. I’m counting the number of times he blinks. So far, I’m at zero.
My father shakes his head. “Marble looks like he’s still in high school.”
“He’s 24, which currently makes him the youngest Big Pharma CEO in the world.”
“No shit. Still, it’s kind of egotistical to throw your name on the side of a building before you even have pubic hairs.”
“Agreed.”
Marble continues: “The name Helios has become synonymous with quality when it comes to the medicine we produce, and we plan to apply this same measure of excellence to direct patient care. Not only have we built what will undoubtedly be the new gold standard for American hospitals, but we’ve also gathered the best doctors and specialists in the world together under one roof.”
Mayor Bottom’s eyelids still haven’t budged.
“Hey, do you know anyone that tried N-Gorge while it was available?”
My father frowns. “Is that your way of asking me if I tried it?”
“No, no, it’s just… friends of yours who are the same age… you know what I mean.”
“No, none of my shriveled old friends tried N-Gorge. Not that I know of, at least.”
“Ok, ok.”
“… But it’s not about our state-of-the-art technology or our award-winning medical team. It’s about our philosophy of always putting patients first and providing the absolute best possible care for the people who need it most. Thanks to all of your support, I know we can do just that…” Applause starts prematurely and stops when he continues talking. “And now, to assist with today’s ribbon-cutting, I’d like to introduce the new Marble Center mascot and chief surgeon, my new friend Corbin the Clown Bear…”
Polite laughter dwindles as a terrifying 12-foot mountain of felt and foam wearing big floppy shoe struts into the frame carrying oversized scissors. The mayor barely cracks a smile.
“Thank you, Corbin.” Marble takes the scissors from the monster’s paw and snips the ribbon. More applause.
My father turns off the TV as the newsfeed cuts to one-on-one interviews with various Helios execs. He lifts his glasses and rubs his eyes.
“So, I think I was murdered,” I say.
“What?”
“The air conditioner. I think someone dropped it on me on purpose.”
I proceed to give an in-depth account of the latest developments in the case, including my conversation with the Phantom, my discovery of the vacant apartment, my encounters with the men in black, and my so far fruitless efforts to locate Alsephina Realty and anyone involved in the suit. While skeptical, my father admits that there’s reason to be suspicious.
“Definitely talk to that McCarthystein bastard. Whether it was murder or an accident, he didn’t act in your best interest.”
“I’ve been trying, but he’s slippery. I’m going to drop by his office again on Monday.”
“Good.” He takes a sip of beer. “Just be careful. If these guys killed you once, they can do it again.”
“Trust me, I know.”
“And if you’re going to be doing anything dangerous, you might want to see if Mandi can help.”
“Right.” The truth is, I’m still not sure if I want to involve her in this. I know she herself isn’t corrupt, but the rest of the department is a mess. “Hey, has Meatballs mentioned anything about the trouble he’s having with the law? Like what’s going to happen with his warehouse?”
“We don’t talk about that stuff. Especially not at the museum.”
“Fair enough. I suppose I should talk to him myself.”
He furrows his brow. “Do you have to? If you ask him certain kinds of questions, it could make things really awkward for me.”
I know the type of question he means, and the fact is, that’s exactly what I’m planning on asking.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be discreet.”
“Please do. I happen to like my job.”
I peel myself out of my recliner and stretch. It’s 4:45 p.m., and I want to catch the 5:17 p.m. bus back to town.
“Ok, I should get going.”
My father walks me to the door, and we hug goodbye. I’m not sure we’ve hugged in years.
“Do me a favor,” he says. “Talk to someone.”
“Talk to who?
“A professional.”
I exhale hard. “That’s what Gia says.”
“She’s a smart woman.”
“I guess. But therapy seems like a waste of time.”
“It works for me.”
“Seriously?”
He nods. “You have no idea what it’s like being a mortal man married to a goddess living in another dimension.”
“That’s fair.”
“Anyway, I think you should give it a try. What’ve you got to lose?”
“Ok, I’ll think about it.”
He pats my shoulder.
The sun has ducked behind a cloud, making my walk back to the bus stop a little more bearable. Once on the bus, I fall asleep immediately and don’t wake up until I’m three stops past the one I needed to get off at.