Black and White (?) Voices I’m Reading and Hearing Right Now.

And my reasons why.

I’m uncomfortable.

Good. You and I should be. We’d damned well better be uncomfortable. Because nothing changes until enough of us are uncomfortable enough to upend the apple cart. That’s what’s currently underway. While that is of course terrifying for a lot of (mostly)white folks, it may well be slowly dawning that terrifying has long been a way of life for Black folks. I’m not sorry you’re uncomfortable. We might likely be far more sorry it took so long for so many to even notice that we should be uncomfortable.

How long do you and I want to live walking around on the comfortable floorboards of our houses, knowing that beneath the carpet and the expensive hardwoods are the blood, bones, broken bodies and tattered rags of those who built the country we call America?

As a white chick with several long-term Black friends and a history of Black family members, how I hear and how I engage in the current debates allows me a slightly different avenue to understanding. However. That avenue, as I’ve written elsewhere, doesn’t absolve me of what I could have done better or differently. Where we are is everyone’s problem. I’ve actively engaged in work that has benefited Black and other minority companies, trained Black and other minority entrepreneurs and other actions which have kept me close to the topic for my entire life. Still there is so much more I could have done.

This morning I had my heart ripped right out of my chest.

For the Deep South where I was born and raised, the Confederate Flag that still gets raised speaks to the spreading, insidious, unspeakable sickness that results in this:

Twenty-four-year old Robert Fuller is the the 21st’s Century’s Strange Fruit. Whether his death was indeed a lynching or a suicide, the visual was quite enough.

Because just this week, more Black men were shot and killed by police even as we are struggling to come to terms with what has already been shoved into public view.

If any of this came as a surprise to you, if you were shocked or put off by the protests and level of anger, well. If you were among those who were quick to point out the less-than-stellar backgrounds of any of the Black folks who were killed, you’re not listening.

There is no time for any Black person to take a breath, because in America if you are Black, and breathe, you are a threat and an insult to the State of the (White Supremacy) Union. But I would prefer others to speak to their truth for I am not Black. However as a white chick with an investment in these topics, I do wish to share several voices which have offered valuable introspection and insight.

America as a Domestic Abuse Partner

The inimitable, very outspoken Marley K. wrote an article which compares being Black in America to living in domestic abuse. For anyone who has ever lived with domestic abuse, the way she explains this might finally give you some real insight into what being Black in America is like.

It’s hard to read. If you back out, if you won’t read it to the end, I might suggest that that is part of the problem. We do not wish to witness this kind of pain. Pain that you and I in one way or another benefit from. The whole point is to listen. Your discomfort isn’t Marley K.’s problem. Your unwillingness to sit with discomfort is the entire Black community’s problem.

A note on disagreement

I don’t always agree with MK. Most of the time I do. I may have a different take. However not only does that not take away from the veracity of her point of view or her experiences, it also does not negate it. It most especially does not negate her experience simply because my view is white.

This is what so many white folks don’t get. Your POV isn’t right just because it’s white. That’s the knee-jerk devaluation of the Black experience that ends a conversation before it starts.

Where we do not see or experience the same things is precisely where we learn the most. That is where I can appreciate what folks in the personal development space used to euphemistically refer to as her “come from.”

Sometimes we see differently, and that is where I get to sit whatever part of me down that begs to differ, shut the fuck up and just listen. That we may have a slightly different take is precisely where the learning happens. Black folks are exhausted being told their POV is wrong, or there there, it’ll be all right. No. It isn’t. Never was.

If it was going to be all right Palmdale would not have found a young Black man swinging from a tree in 2020.

It is never going to be all right in that kind of world.

Please. Can we shut the fuck up and just listen.

The second story that I read this morning comes from a fairly new relationship in my life, Rosennab. Dr. Bakari and I met before these most recent events began. It is my deep honor that she did not shut me out, but rather, allowed me to bear witness, listen, learn and have parts of my person weep blood as I have done so. We have moved through this time intact, which is saying something. A lot of folks with the Token Black friend no longer have them. Black friends are earned. You don’t keep Black friends by posting racist memes on Facebook and claiming “you didn’t mean it that way.”

Um. Yes you did. Otherwise it never, ever would have occurred to you to post such a thing. Or like someone else’s hate meme.

I have immense regard for her work, as any of my regular readers will note how often I’ve linked to and quoted from her material. She is formidable and she humbles the holy shit out of me.

After some shocked and painful silence, she is “Black and she is back.” I offer her latest from this morning:

Read to the end. Please. If we can’t listen, if we cannot sit with the discomfort with others’ pain, we can change nothing. NOTHING.

From her piece:

Since the first slave ship crossed the Atlantic, anger has been a death sentence for Black people. Comply or die.

If I had a dollar for every time I stuffed my anger for the comfort of white America just to survive… The death of George Floyd burst an emotional blood vessel. I didn’t know what to do or say to my majority of white friends who love me but care nothing about my community. (author bolded)

If you have ever said to a Black friend that they weren’t like “all the other Black people” and honest-to-god thought that was a compliment, you’re not listening.

What grows out of your head is an affront

This woman calls out the way society polices, demeans, controls Black women’s hair. As Dr. Bakari said this morning, Black braids are illegal in some places. Didn’t know that? With respect, where have you been? None of this is new. Why on earth is Black hair so goddamned frightening? What so threatens white folks about such glorious expression?

From her article:

I was reminded of that day as I watched a video footage of a black student in Gretna, La: crying as she was forced to leave school because school officials objected to her hair. They claimed her box braids violated a dress code prohibition against “unnatural” hair styles because the braids included hair extensions. Extensions are sometimes used in black hairstyles, like braids, that don’t require the use of damaging chemical straighteners. The student and a classmate sent home for the same reason were not allowed to return until a judge issued a temporary restraining order against the school after both girls had missed several days of classes. We are shamed or made fun of our hair because of this ridiculous bias against black hair. (author bolded)

How about we women issue a temporary restraining order against the white penis, folks? What a difference that might make in society. But I digress. You see the point.

It’s not just skin, it’s hair, it’s syntax, it’s dialect, it’s a thousand sharp and deadly touchpoints about what’s so very wrong about being Black.

There is no White Fragility

Finally, two pieces about Robin DiAngelo by Medium writer and economist Johnathan David Church. All respect to Mr. Church I cannot yet decipher through any search whether he is Black or white. My impression is white.

But kindly, I don’t know. So please take the following comments with a large block of salt, although I still would make many of the same arguments.

If Mr. Church is indeed white, I am not sure that publishing this piece which picks apart the very popular book on White Fragility is particularly well-timed. He might well be right, but I haven’t read the book yet. I am not arguing against his points because I don’t know enough. I do argue the timing.

But that’s just me. His piece:

If you are a well-educated white male with all the benefits that those things can and often do convey, I struggle to understand why you would attack a book which is at least creating a critical conversation. ALL books are flawed. However this one at least engenders a different kind of discussion about racism at a critical juncture. I don’t know that I buy all DiAngelo’s arguments either. But going after her when the book appears to be helping lots of people ask very hard questions? How on earth is that helpful except to undermine the arguments about racism?

He writes another piece about DiAngelo’s work which is here:

I offer that as a balance to his critique. However, there’s another part to this that I find particularly unsettling.

From his article:

In February of this year, I signed a contract with Rowman & Littlefield to write a book that presents a systematic critique of the theory of white fragility. (author bolded)

You will forgive me if I point out that not only is that statement also rather poorly timed but I sure as hell wouldn’t have gone public with it. That level of tone deafness is precisely the issue. STFU, bro.

If he is going to attack White Fragility, Mr. Church might have provided other options for us to read. It strikes me as more destructive to destroy a book which is part of the national conversation right now. I agree that we should question a lot of things, but when a book forces conversation where many have refused to go, I’d say DiAngelo did her job. We sure haven’t had those talks before.

That Mr. Church is now under contract to pick the ideas apart have to lead us to ask who is paying for that, why, and what’s the point, if not to dismantle the discomfort around being called racist?

I did listen to DiAngelo on NPR a few days ago. I heard her, I learned from her, and I asked myself some very hard questions as a result. That is the whole goddamned point. Here is that interview:

Uncomfortable. It’s supposed to be.

Like I said about Marley K., I do not have to agree with every single thing she says to learn, to consider, to grow and to understand. There is enormous benefit in

JUST. FUCKING. ATTENDING.

Yesterday I listened to a piece on National Public Radio which outlined the early history of the American police force. How did they start? Listen:

How you can learn

If you read these pieces, as you read them, watch what leaps up to justify, argue, excuse, deny or dodge. Those are your red flags. You and I deny and resist what doesn’t validate our precious point of view. When something threatens to rip the wool off our eyes we will sometimes do terrible things to people to prevent transformation.

Like hang them from a tree in Palmdale.

This is who we are, America. Are we GREAT yet?

With heartfelt thanks to Rosennab, Marley K., Elizabeth Ronaldo and Mr. Church. I am attending.