Bittersweet

The taste of a life well-lived.

Sometimes nostalgia hits me right in the gut.

It covers me with waves of memories so potent that I can barely catch my breath. It could be the sight of an old tractor sitting in a field, the smell of biscuits baking, or the soft call of a whip-poor-will.

When I was a child, a memory was a happy thing. Last summer’s vacation, a sleepover, what I got for my birthday. Now, memories tend to be more bittersweet.

People say that bad memories cause the most pain, but actually, it’s the good ones that drive you insane. ~Kid Cudi

The memory of my Grandma standing in the kitchen whipping up her famous biscuits brings a smile to my lips but a sharp pain in my heart.

The sound of a congregation singing Amazing Grace fills me with inspiration while bringing me to tears because it’s all I remember about my Grandpa’s funeral.

The memories I cherish of my adult children as babies are precious to my soul, but they leave me with a sense of longing. I would never wish them to stay children forever, but maybe I could travel back in time, watch them while they sleep, or hold them just one more time?

The love that began at the tender age of 19 for my now ex-husband was innocent, pure, and blind. Thirty years later, to learn he lead a double life taints the images I hold in my mind and leaves me sifting through memories trying to distinguish truth from deception.

A heart that’s broke is a heart that’s been loved. ~ Ed Sheeran

So much of my life hasn’t turned out as I had hoped. There have been good times — moments filled with such joy, I thought I would burst. Then there were seasons of grief so strong I felt part of my soul died and the other part continued only to mourn its loss.

Peaks and valleys, joy and pain, love and loss, bitter and sweet. Both are necessary, and neither can be denied. They are the taste of life.