Bitter & Sweet; a Family’s Journey with Cancer
INTRODUCTION
When my husband Tim was diagnosed with cancer, one of the things that we did differently was to start to read together. We would often take turns reading and as his condition worsened, I did most of the reading. Usually, he would fall asleep at some point and I would bookmark where we left off. We were exposed to some great books. They were instructive and inspiring and helped us tremendously.
After his death, I continued to read more. Excellent books on grief abound. I reference some of these books throughout the text.
When I began to give serious thought to writing this book, I thought “Another grief book? Do we really need one?” That was when I realized that one of the dreams for this book, is to be part of another’s arsenal. Perhaps our book will be one in a stack of helpful books for someone else — including those who are going through a terminal illness, and those who love them and want to understand how to be involved in a meaningful way.
As we read, we often came across the idea that the tragedy you are dealing with is a gift. Many people evolved to the point where they could honestly say they were grateful for whatever trauma that was brought into their life.
Because of the way they had grown or because of whatever benefits they derived due directly to having their infirmity, some even concluded they would not remove their issue if given a chance to.
We never reached that point. We never stopped thinking that cancer is a hideous beast. Tim often said his cancer was “particularly clever” because of the way it hid itself until it was too late. The “bitter and sweet” became our mantra. We saw the bitter.
But we did truly know and see that there were also gifts in our lives, every step of the way. And we knew that many of those gifts would not have come if it weren’t for the cancer. And we were truly grateful for those gifts and felt blessings deeper than anything we had felt before.
But don’t think for one moment that we wouldn’t have forfeited the gifts and blessings if we could be rid of the robbing and cruel disease if we were given a choice. We could have continued down the slow path of evolving ourselves in “normal” life circumstances and be okay with that.
Somehow, I don’t feel like we missed the boat though. People still experienced us as inspiring on every front, in spite of the fact that we didn’t express gratitude for the cancer. There are absolutely silver linings in every cloud, but the cloud is still there.
I can’t possibly begin to thank the myriad of people who helped us get through this ongoing event in our lives. God. Angels and spiritual beings. Family and friends (especially my “ya-ya’s”). Colleagues, church family, agencies, hospitals, and counselors. It would be impossible to list them all.
Mostly though, I must thank Tim, my husband, and my partner. He was the biggest hero of them all. I’m not sure what you believe about the afterlife, but I have come to understand his presence and dedication to me and our family in a very real and steadfast way since he has departed from this life. Thank you, my love!
This story is as true as I can make it be. But because the story touches much more than just me, all of the names in the book have been changed with the exception of Tim, myself, and our pets in order to protect others’ privacy.
While Tim was sick, we were informed about CaringBridge, a website where people can write journal updates to keep loved ones informed. Much of the text of this book comes from those entries and the guestbook entries people responded with. The format is set up so that actual journal entries that were published online are boxed in. Guestbook entries are set apart by shading so you can recognize them when they occur.
My hope, desire, and prayer are that you find this to be an exercise in genuine life — opening yourself to feel the most bitter of human emotions, and then allowing yourself to taste the sweet that comes alongside it. Blessings to you!
Link to chapters 1 & 2
