Bitter & Sweet; A Family’s Journey With Cancer
Chapter Eighteen: On Moving Forward

Monday, October 18, 2010 Guestbook entry from my client
Dear Darcy, Even though I met Tim only one time, it is quite apparent how loved, admired, and appreciated, he was. He will be sadly missed by all that knew him.
May you and Frankie find comfort in friends and family now. I hope you can all lean on each other, to heal and to remember what a beautiful man Tim was and all the wonderful contributions he made in this world.
Friday, October 22, 2010 8:36 PM
Surprised to hear from me? I wasn’t sure if I would write again. And I’m not sure if I’ll write again after this. I’m not sure about anything anymore, but they all say this is normal.
It has certainly hit me that our journey is far from over. It has significantly changed and taken a deep, deep turn in the road, but it is still a journey. I know many of you struggle and I certainly am as well.
Let’s continue to use this amazing tool (CaringBridge) available to us. Feel free to sign the guestbook and write your thoughts. If you want to talk about how you are processing this — the good, bad, and the ugly, please do.
Some have even asked about writing Tim… Write away!
In this way, the journey hasn’t changed at all. I am learning how to tolerate opposing feelings, just like accepting the diagnosis and prognosis, alongside feeling gifts pouring out on us.
I still feel loved and supported and blessed beyond belief, while at the same time saying that every tiny inch of this SUCKS. It all sucks.
I don’t need advice; just join me on the journey if you want to. End entry
Okay, that was an impulsive statement to make. I need lots of advice and always do. I think maybe I meant that for people who feel like they need to say something.
The truth is, they don’t need to say anything.
I just need people to walk beside me.
It is hard to know how to conclude a book like this because the journey truly never ends. I am finding that writing is helpful in processing the day-to-day events that unfold.
This book has focused on how to look death in the face, how to help someone die with dignity. I suspect then there will be a sequel to see how loss and grief take shape in our lives, in those first years following Tim’s death.
I am sure there will be courage required again to look the aftermath full in the face. Somehow, I am worried that the gifts might be harder to find, now with Tim gone.
There are more journal entries to come as this site was kept open for another year after Tim passed away. By the time we closed it, there were well over 15,000 hits!
I have decided to end with an excerpt I wrote for the bulletin at Tim’s funeral. I don’t even remember writing it, but I think it was appropriate then, and it is here as well.
“While cancer is a cruel and clever disease that wreaks havoc in your life, my husband and I were able to find and experience so many gifts, treasures, and healing, in our lives.
Since his diagnosis, we have truly been transformed, as individuals and as loving, lifelong partners. Our spiritual lives blossomed and grew in ways I would not have thought possible.
And so much of that happened because of the loving, compassionate, strong hands, arms, and feet of the people of God. No one would deny that we are truly the luckiest people on earth, even with the loss we suffer.
Few others could boast the kind of dedication and support we have felt poured out upon us. May God bless you one hundredfold for all the blessings you have given us. Darcy Thiel”