Bitter & Sweet; A Family’s Journey With Cancer

Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Round Two

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

This started the second week of chemo treatments. Thankfully, none of the hullabaloo (is that how you spell that?) from last week. No weight loss today. However, they had to attempt the IV three times again. They blew out a vein in both arms. Apparently, Tim’s veins have lots of “valves” so they suggested a mediport be put in.

This will be scheduled sometime next week. It is a simple outpatient procedure where they put a small disk in his upper chest that stays there. Then they simply poke into it for future IVs.

We shared the chemo room today with a lovely woman with breast cancer. She has a port and says it is absolutely the way to go. So Tim is a bit tired out tonight. And once again sore from all the poking and prodding. (He’s a little irritable too but don’t tell him I said that!)

Another FYI — I have recently spoken with Frankie’s teacher, principal, nurse, and social worker. I guess he is somewhat vocal about his dad’s cancer at school. I’m actually relieved to hear that because he hasn’t been processing this much with us at home. So I’m glad he is feeling safe at school to do so.

Plus I know he’s in EXCELLENT hands there. Everyone has been totally sensitive and in tune with us and obviously care a lot about our young Frankie. We love you — and thank you again for all the love and support that comes in so many, many shapes and forms.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010 Guestbook entry from my supervisor

Hi Tim and Darcy, I don’t know you personally Tim but I sure am impressed with Darcy’s ability to cope with all of this. I have always told her that she is like a dog with a bone — once she takes on something she is determined to make whatever has to happen-happen! You go girl — I’m proud to know you!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Chemo seems to be taking its toll; Tim worked Wednesday all day but I could tell from his voice he wasn’t feeling well. He came home and spent the evening sleeping/resting again.

He seems to have more bouts with pain. They come on without warning and are intense. He takes his pain pill but has to wait until it kicks in. Today Tim called in sick, I think it is the first time since this all started. He doesn’t have a fever but he visibly looks like he has the flu — he is exhausted and very fatigued.

On the bright side, they are actually doing work on our pool. It has seemed like a long wait. Tim is very anxious about this and he says this is #1 on his “bucket list.” He dreams of doing this last house project and being able to rest on the patio.

He had Frankie and me put our handprints in the drying concrete next to his. Then he tenderly told me, “Any time you need to hold my hand, you can just come here and put your hand right in mine”… Yeah, I’m crying again just writing this. We love you all and feel your prayers and love and support and encouragement. What would we do without you? End entry

Actually, the rather large crew of men working (both the concrete and pool crews) had all paused to watch us do our handprints. Several of them walked away sniffling when they heard Tim’s motives behind our doing so. Quite a moving day.

Thursday, June 17, 2010 Guestbook entry from Tim’s colleague in Texas

Tim, It’s me, a true friend from Texas. I just heard the news today. I will most definitely put you in my prayers. I still think of you often. You are the most thought of Yankee friend I ever knew, and your contribution to the company will never be forgotten by me. I have always had the utmost respect for you and the job you did for the company. From A True Texas Friend. End entry

At Tim’s previous job, he had to go to Texas at times. When we first started dating, I accompanied him on one of those trips. I had never been to Texas before. Tim loves his friends there, and they obviously love him. We decided we need to make another trip there, as soon as he feels able to handle the flight.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Tim went back to work today and seems to be feeling much better… he’s such a trooper!

Monday, June 21, 2010 Journal entry by Tim

Hello everyone. This may take a few minutes, so get back up, grab your coffee, and then come back to read my journal entry. What a great day I had… three days in a row, Friday, Saturday and Father’s Day. I felt relatively spry and energetic while occasionally fatigued.

As much as this particular day is dedicated to trumpeting the virtues of fatherhood, and you’d then picture a Dad, pitching a baseball to an eagerly awaiting son, it has become more about the virtues of the women in my life, past and present.

Friday evening, I was handed a Father’s Day gift in advance — a plaque about all of the things that cancer cannot do to a man. My former wife surprisingly provided this gift to me. She had it made for me on behalf of my children, who presented me with it.

So now it gets better. On Saturday morning, I was awakened by the voice of my daughter Emily, who lives in Georgia — except she wasn’t in Georgia, she was right there standing next to me. It seems Darcy got this last minute idea about how wonderful it would be for me to have all four of my children here with me on Father’s Day.

In less than 24 hours, she conceived of an idea, made a phone call, got online and just like magic, my daughter was right there in front of me, reaching down to hug me (with my granddaughter inside of her no less). Needless to say, I became temporarily teary eyed at the sight.

A half hour later, I found myself in the shower weeping openly and out loud.

This Father’s Day tribute was most certainly not about me, but rather about just what an amazing woman and wonderful wife I am blessed with. I wept partly because I doubted how worthy I was, to be the recipient of such an incredible gift and to be the husband of such a wonderful wife.

Hearing me, she came and consoled me and reassured me that I was absolutely worthy of what had happened, along with all of the other good things that happen to me in an uncertain life. End entry

I was waiting on the couch at 6:00 AM with the camcorder in my hands. I wanted to capture him seeing Emily on video. He was indeed surprised, but didn’t have the response I thought he would. It wasn’t until a half hour later when I heard what could only be described as lamenting, coming from our bathroom door.

It was not that Tim wasn’t deeply moved, it was exactly the opposite. It was overwhelming for him. I stripped my clothes faster than a speeding bullet and jumped into the shower with him, finding him sitting on the seat with his head buried in his hands.

“I just can’t leave all this love,” he said.

I just held him and wept with him.

Continued entry from Tim

My home became the Father’s Day emporium this year, as we hosted a variety of family members who all went out of their way and tweaked their plans to come here, and by doing so, have accommodated (and they do this all the time) my illness and any accompanying discomfort I may have been subjected to in traveling myself.

My sister-in-law mentioned in an email the day before that it would be a grand day, and a grand day it was indeed. It started with biscuits and gravy for breakfast.

At 11:00 AM, family started to arrive. For part of the day, it was the usual type of get together — girls in the kitchen, preparing food, drinking wine and chatting, and the guys in the living room with golf, Nascar and Space Balls on the tube. We ate our meal and spent a lot of the afternoon taking lots of photos.

I got a really cool hockey stick coat rack that I plan on keeping in the sports bar. After everyone left, we took my daughter to the airport for her flight home, stopping along the way for some ice cream at the Red Caboose on Union Road.

All in all, it was as grand a day as a Father could have. Very memorable! Having all of my children here was certainly one of the highlights, in a day filled with many highlights.

In closing, I wanted to express our deep gratitude to all of the hardworking volunteers, who sacrificed an otherwise beautiful weather day on Saturday, to come over in droves to get our backyard fence installed. There were men who worked on the fence — a very, very physical task to perform under the hot sun.

There were supporting crew — men and women who brought food over, helped with meals and helped by going out and checking on the needs of the laborers. They also cleaned up, made themselves available for errands and helped in many other uncountable ways.

My sons and daughter chipped in by running Frankie to his ballgame and birthday party as well as tending to a list of yard work needs — all heroes who “stepped up” and gave of their time and resources to help us.

Oh, I almost forgot. Who do you think orchestrated this massive turning out of people power? Again, that would be my wife Darcy, who just when I think doesn’t have any more in the tank, seems to have this uncanny persistence of heart and mind, to make the impossible into the possible. I love you, honey!

Happy Father’s day to all of the partners and spouses and children who make it their quest to keep the Fathers happy — and not just on Father’s Day, but every day of the year. All my love and gratitude, Tim. End entry

It was blazing hot on Saturday, in the 90’s I think. I kept thinking of an Amish barn raising, because that was what this was like. It was a community fence raising. These guys worked a good eight hour day, literally dripping in sweat. I watched it go up panel by panel. Tim would go out every once in a while when he felt up to it, just to be part of it.

He had put up a million panels of fencing all around our property prior to this. I’m sure it was a bitter-sweet feeling for him to be there — watching, being grateful and amazed, but sad knowing he just wasn’t physically strong enough to be a part of it. This will be a day and weekend we will always remember.

Monday, June 21, 2010 Guestbook entry from Tim’s best friend

Coop, It was great talking with you this weekend. So glad you got the fence done. The family pictures look wonderful. You should be very proud of everyone. Darcy, great job keeping Coop’s spirits up. I am looking forward to seeing everyone again in July. Coop, stay strong my friend and I’ll see you soon.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Another eventful day on the Thiel-Colvin roller coaster. We arrived at Roswell at 7:00 AM for Tim’s mediport procedure. He was getting blood drawn while I was registering him. While I was walking over I felt a funny thing on my leg. I looked down and hanging out my pant leg was a dryer sheet.

I started laughing so hard and showed the woman behind the computer but she didn’t seem to think it was so funny. Eventually though, I found out she thought from a distance it was a maxi pad hanging out, which is why she didn’t think it was so funny.

She said “I thought good Lord — first thing in the morning? I am NOT dealing with this woman.” So we all had a VERY hardy laugh after that.

Then on to the hospital unit, a place we hadn’t been before. I sat in the waiting room thinking “I really don’t like this place, it’s very unnerving.” I was listening to a repetitive loud speaker message saying “code blue” then eventually a “cancel code blue.”

Now I don’t know if you know what that means, but I assumed it meant someone had flat-lined. So I thought “Well, at least they saved whoever it was”… Next thing I know, this woman approaches me and says “Don’t worry, your husband is ok” so I freaked out of course and she took me back to him and he had FIVE nurses working around him.

I truly thought I was having a heart attack again…

So, turns out “code blue” means emergency, not necessarily death call (nice to know). Once again, they could not get an IV in Tim’s arms and blew two more veins. Tim’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he almost passed out but they were able to keep him conscious.

Next thing you know, his PA comes from the other part of the hospital because she had been paged that Tim had a seizure (which was not true). What a scary circus, and the pain in Tim’s face was the most agonizing part to me.

Once all the drama was over, he was taken back into the procedure room. They went straight for the jugular (literally) and put the meds in there. The actual mediport only took 10 minutes to install (into the jugular vein) so in the end it was a successful procedure.

When Tim started telling dirty jokes I knew he would be ok. (If you want to know specifics you’ll have to call me.) He’s very sore and stiff now. It is seven to ten days of inconvenience, but we can live with that.

Today he started his week off from chemo and he is loving that idea. We spent the afternoon arguing about stupid stuff as we deal with the stress we face every day. We’re still exhausted and I still feel overwhelmed. Anger is starting to hit which isn’t so fun but we keep plugging away at this thing called life and appreciate, as always, all the love and support you send our way. End entry

Tim is well known for his sense of humor. In reality, he is a pretty conservative guy. But when he jokes, he is the most outrageous and unscrupulous man ever.

When my mom was alive, he used to offer to take her to her mammogram appointments and assist as needed. When he was unemployed he talked on occasion about becoming a mammogram technician. He loved to shock my niece by asking her to skinny dip.

When he started to lose weight, we were having difficulty keeping up with finding clothes for him that fit. One afternoon, both of my sisters were here and we decided we needed to go through his wardrobe and figure out what he had to work with. So the four of us were in the bedroom and Tim was trying things on as they were shot at him.

Suddenly, it hit him. “Hey, I just realized you are fulfilling a long standing item on my bucket list. I am here, without my pants on, in my bedroom, with both of my sisters-in-law. The only thing is, Darcy is NOT supposed to be in here!”

Everybody cracked up.

Well, everyone but me. I was deeply offended that I wasn’t part of the fantasy. (Not really.)

So when I went back to the hospital room and saw him with all those nurses around him, his dirty joke was this. He told me that the nurse that took him back to shave him, was touching herself while she was doing it.

I affectionately told him he is an ass.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010 Guestbook entry from my supervisor

Darcy, As the anger comes, think of the dryer sheet! Anger and laughing don’t usually mix well!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

So… up, down… I’m getting sea sick… my head is LITERALLY spinning… Up — good old grandpa took Frankie to get a new bike yesterday; it is great! His knees were hitting the handlebars on his old one.

Down — found myself in a waiting room (all too familiar these days) awaiting test results, and hoping for good news. This time it was the vet’s office; our very loved cat Oreo has been losing weight.

You’ll never guess — yep, cancer.

You’ll never guess — yep, only has a month left if we’re lucky.

Had to tell Tim and Frankie the news. Did I mention anger? It is really mounting now. I’m sooo sick of cancer; can I just have one day when it doesn’t hurt my family?

Up — Frankie, Tim and I went to Gilda’s club last night and did everything we needed to in order to be signed up. We did it mainly because Frankie wants to attend a day camp there in July.

Tim showed some interest in a meditation group and also a cancer support group. There’s stuff for me in the fall once Frankie is back in school.

Down — Tim woke up this morning and noticed a very agitated lesion; went to work but had to go for an unplanned appointment to Roswell. He weighed in at 139, another drop in weight but it’s not monumental.

Up — everything is ok. Nothing cancer related. Plus they changed his bandage while he was there which means I’ve been able to avoid that today, makes me nervous to be in charge of that stuff.

Sooooooooo, blah, blah, it is a merry-go-round, but half the time it is not fun at all. Sorry for the negativity, I promise it is just a phase. End entry

One day, Frankie and I decided to go to the zoo with my friend and her two kids. It was an activity we try to do once every summer. So maybe doing something “normal” will make life feel normal, even for just a day. We drove together because it’s a small hike and parking is an issue sometimes.

The plan worked well for part of the day. Then the phone rang. Tim was at work, but decided he just wasn’t feeling good and needed to go home. He said he felt well enough to drive himself, but I could tell he was struggling. He didn’t want me to rush home so I tried to continue on with the day’s events.

The anxiety crept in pretty quickly. I had to be home. I needed to be home. I looked at the kids and gave them the disappointing news. They were all good sports.

The anxiety mounted quickly. We just couldn’t get to the car quick enough. My friend couldn’t drive fast enough. My throat was starting to constrict.

Several lessons learned. Number one, never ever drive together with someone. I have to understand that life can turn on a dime and I need to be able to leave any situation quickly. If we had driven separately, the kids could have stayed longer at the zoo.

Lesson number two, don’t ever, ever think your life will be “normal” again. Ever.

Saturday, June 26, 2010 Guestbook entry from our church family

Great family pictures! Sorry about Oreo. I understand the anger — you just start to feel beat up constantly and you just need a break. Well, celebrate the breaks you get from the stress even if it lasts a few minutes — you all need it. We are so busy at Roswell on some days and we get silly and laugh so hard that we all cry. It feels so good. Must be some endorphin release. Cuddle with Oreo!

Thursday, July 1, 201

Long time, no update; sometimes no news is good news. Saturday, Tim’s former in-laws/family came over and brought some food and drink. His former wife Sheila came along with all three of her sisters; this was spearheaded by Vera, who is Sheila’s mom.

They all seemed to enjoy being re-connected and Tim was touched by the love and concern they all expressed… Thanks to the Schwartz clan! End entry

When I first met Tim, he had been divorced for five years. He had the house and custody of the three kids. But their divorce had been long and bitter. Being a marriage counselor, I was not surprised by this. I have seen even the most civil of people get entirely out of hand when going through the rigors and pain of a divorce. You could see the toll it had taken on the entire family.

Over the next several years, we worked very slowly, but very surely to try and heal those memories. It was no easy climb, but eventually everyone began to interact again.

The culmination of that hard work came in 2006 when Emily got married. We had the rehearsal dinner here at our house and the ceremony was at the church Tim and I attended. Emily was able to have both of her parents attend all events with civility and even warmth at times.

As I watched them all spend time together in the backyard this weekend, I was grateful that we had put the effort in. Time does heal wounds. Hard work heals wounds. And a terminal illness puts it all in perspective.

Continued Entry

Tuesday I had my mole removed. No pool for two weeks. I could have cried. They finally finished the pool and now I can’t swim… poor me. Today is Thursday and Tim’s brother Garrett took him to start his next round of chemo (thanks big brother!).

The doc said his blood levels are excellent. There was some waiting to be done, but Tim said “This chest port is a beautiful thing.” Once they got started all went smoothly. His weight was even up to 142.

There are no immediate side effects, so we will wait to see how this round goes; we just take things one step at a time. Last round it was days two and three that were tougher so keep him in your prayers — I know you always do.

P.S. On a side note, our grandson Parker overturned a yellow jacket nest and got stung eight times! Poor little guy… no allergic reaction though so he’s recovering well.

Thursday, July 1, 2010 Guestbook entry from Tim’s colleague from Texas

Hey Tim. It has been so long since we were co-workers, but your spirit and determination still impresses me! You always stood up for us to be able to do our jobs and you would not give up until it was right! Therefore I know you are strong enough to stand strong for this trial you face.

You are not alone in God’s hands and a complete circle of friends from the old days here in Texas, who are praying for you and thinking of you each day. We love you and still think of you as a wonderful friend. With the utmost respect for the fighter I remember.

Saturday, July 3, 2010 Journal entry by Tim

So today is day three of my second chemo cycle. Typically, day three is the bad day of all the days in the cycle, but for whatever reason, I woke up today feeling full of life! Ironic, I know.

I got up, ate and went out into the yard with Darcy and took care of a few items on our to-do list, as did she. It is a beautiful, sunny and warm summer day. We also took some photos of the completed pool and fence. It even looks better close up! Thanks again to everyone that helped us to achieve this goal during all phases of the project!

We do have a couple of minor tasks (some painting and edging) remaining, that we are struggling to get to. So anyone that may feel compelled to come and help us out again, please contact Darcy. I’m sure she will tell anyone that calls, that the pool is available to cool off in.

Anyone is welcome to stop by for a dip, whenever they want to. I would certainly welcome the companionship. Hopefully, as this current chemo cycle runs its course, these reports will continue to remain as upbeat in nature, as this one does today.

Thanks for your continued prayers and for playing such active roles in our lives. Tim.

Saturday, July 3, 2010 Guestbook entry from our church family

Greetings, Darcy and Tim, from Maine! So glad to hear you’re able to enjoy the beautiful, summer weather, especially around your pool. I will get the Friendly’s Press Release out to the papers on Monday and hope you get a ton of ice cream fans there on July 21st! Best wishes and prayers for you all. End entry

I don’t remember how and when we heard about it, but the chain restaurant Friendly’s will do fundraising benefits for causes they deem worthy. You schedule a day and time, and they pretty much do all the rest. You get 10 percent of whatever their sales are during that time period.

They provide the flyers and advertisement. There is no set up or clean up. People can eat and order whatever they want. And we are allowed to sell 50/50 tickets. Seems like a very easy thing to pull off. Our friend and “Public Relations Expert” can handle everything from Maine thanks to the internet!

Monday, July 5, 2010 11:18 PM Guestbook entry from my former colleague

Dear Darcy and Tim, Even though it is tough, keep fighting and don’t give up. You will both get through this and everything will get better. If you need anything, we are here. Lots of love and hugs. End entry

Will everything really get better? And do we even define what that means anymore?

The last holiday we celebrated was Father’s Day and boy, it would be impossible to beat that. Holidays are already loaded most of the time, but now there is even more added pressure. What if this is the last (fill in the blank) that Tim has when he is feeling well? That was the inspiration behind flying Emily here for Father’s Day.

Now it is the 4th of July. We decided to spend the day with one of Tim’s family members at their cottage. It’s a lovely place about a mile from the lake. We usually walk down to the beach to watch the fireworks because there is little or no parking there.

Tim and I discussed it at length and decided that in spite of the annoyance, we should not walk the mile there and back. His strength comes and goes and is often unpredictable. We knew his family would not want to drive, so we made our pact before we got there.

The weather was lovely. Things were great until it was time to go to the beach. Tim caved to the pressure to walk rather than drive. I got the impression that my concern was not welcomed by Tim’s family, like I was trying to boss Tim around.

It was upsetting because they didn’t fully understand Tim’s physical limitations. Of course, Tim wanted to save face with everyone and not admit that his abilities were compromised. Things were extremely tense between Tim and I.

I went to the lakeside so Frankie could swim and just cried while I stood there alone. What if we don’t ever get a do-over? What if we have spent our last 4th of July together fighting?

On the way home, some of the family were arguing. By the time the mile walk home was completed, there were tears. We tried to interrupt the fighting to say goodbye but we couldn’t break in.

We got in the car and Frankie asked what the heck was going on. Tim fumbled an answer about how sometimes people get upset and say things that they wish they hadn’t and don’t really mean.

We ended up spending an entire counseling session processing this event. Tim and Scott (our therapist) concluded that Tim kind of gets out of sorts sometimes when he’s in certain situations. It reminds him of where his own temper can take him if he doesn’t work hard at controlling it.

We were sad, but are hoping that we get a chance next year to have a more positive and happy 4th of July celebration together. I’m sure Tim’s family wants the same. Maybe we can even rival Father’s Day!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Today is day eight of the chemo cycle. Tim’s brother Garrett took him to Roswell to get his IV infusion. He weighed in at 139. He is home now and doing ok, no complaints or mishaps this time so hopefully we’re starting to get this thing down.

Sunday, July 11, 2010 Guestbook entry from Tim’s family’s friend

Dear Tim, I was so sorry to hear about your illness. As you probably know, my husband passed away in February after a valiant three year battle with brain cancer. CaringBridge was a God send to us as we met so many families facing the same struggles that we were… we became friends, family, prayer partners… united by a devastating disease but also by the hope and faith we shared.

I know you will find that here too. Every cancer is different but the enemy is the same. Your journey will be different from ours but please keep me in mind as a resource or just a good listener. I do know what it is like to hear those words “You have cancer.”

I also know it is possible to beat the odds, live a good and full life with family and friends and to celebrate the blessings you discover along this difficult road. There will be many blessings you never thought possible.

The first weeks and months are very trying and frightening. There is so much information to take in, practical things to take care of, and your family to think about. Let others be your strength. God has sent them to you to help carry your load at this time. Don’t be afraid to ask and be specific.

God is with you always… on the good days and especially on the bad ones. Just as quick note about Roswell… we LOVED them… from the doorman to surgeons they were genuine, caring people who came to know us as a family and gave us their best. They touched each of us along the way… treating us with excellent care for my husband but also gentleness, respect and understanding for the kids and I.

I will keep in touch through the website but know you or your wife can call me anytime… day or night. Love and prayers. End entry

Our loved ones would tell our story to their friends and family, and our support system just kept growing. There is also a special bond with those who have walked a similar journey. Even though you have just met them, there is a strong connection immediately when you know they have survived what you are only embarking on.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Hey all… We just finished reading “The Last Lecture” last night. We admit that we kind of felt disconnected throughout the middle of the book. But the beginning and ending were read with many, many tears and deeply emotional moments.

It’s a new habit we have… I read to Tim at night before we go to bed. It has provided us with some amazing moments. Our next book will be “90 Minutes in Heaven.” End entry

Tim and I were truly transforming our relationship in many, many ways. Reading together was one of those ways. Every once in a while throughout our ten years of marriage I would ask him to read with me. Of course they were topics men aren’t usually interested in — like “What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” or some marriage self-help book and he would not-so-graciously decline.

Now we find we really love this time together. Tim can tire easily so eventually I just do most of the actual reading out loud rather than taking turns. This book was the first of many we read.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Hello friends and family! Today is Tim’s first day off chemo; he has one week without it which he always looks forward to; he was a bit more nauseous this time, but overall it seemed to go by more quickly than the first round did.

I got my stitches out yesterday, no cancer, thank God because I think that would have pushed us over the edge. We got our new bed yesterday. It is the first time we’ve been able to sleep together since this whole thing started. Tim is able to adjust the bed into positions where he is not in pain, yeah for us! As always, thanks for all those meals, support, childcare, etc. We appreciate you all!

Monday, July 19, 2010

This week off of chemo, Tim has felt a bit more ill than he did last time. All in all, we are very excited about the week.

Tuesday, we are meeting with a former Roswell patient who has graciously agreed to meet with us. She is now getting treatment in Pittsburgh. She is in her THIRD year of survival with this diagnosis — that is almost unheard of! So we can’t wait to pick her brain.

Our very first appointment at Roswell, Tim’s doctor told us about this woman. We asked her then if they might ask the patient if we could contact her. Gallbladder cancer is rare so we really wanted to have the connection. That was back in May.

Since then, I have called and called and called. Being a counselor, I am aware of the HIPPA and privacy laws. They could not give me her name and address, but they could call her with no problem whatsoever and give her our names and address. The run around I got was crazy.

But in my relentless pursuit I must have hit the right person at some point because at our last appointment the doc said something like “I’m being criticized for dropping the ball.” It was pretty clear she didn’t like to be thought of in that manner. But it was worth the hassle for us as we are finally able to meet her!

Wednesday is the fundraiser at Friendly’s from 5:00 PM — 8:00 PM. Come see us and have dinner or ice cream. We are mostly looking forward to just being able to visit with you all.

Wednesday — Saturday, Frankie will be at Gilda’s Club from 10:00 AM — 4:00 PM. All the kids there will either have cancer, or have someone in their family who does. I think it will be a great place for him to do some talking/thinking. He’s been having some stomach issues, I think from some of the stress he feels. Thanks for all of your love and support and we hope to see you soon!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

So much to catch you all up on! First let me say our kitty Oreo is now past the one month mark the vet gave him. Hurray for steroids! Actually, he seems to be gaining weight and has not seemed to decline, let’s hope for more doctors being wrong.

Secondly, we met on Tuesday with a woman Rose and her husband. She has been living with this diagnosis for two years (not three as I previously thought). They were a delightful couple and opened their home up to us. We will meet with them again down the road but got a great start.

She started out at a lower stage than Tim. Initially she saw progress with chemo but eventually Roswell referred her to Hospice at which point she started treatments in Pittsburgh. Looking back, she wishes she had started out in Pittsburgh; they were not entirely impressed with their doctor at Roswell (which is the same doc we have).

We have three more weeks to go before we start tests to show whether or not treatment is working for Tim, but we are absorbing all this information and keeping open minds about going elsewhere if it becomes necessary.

Last night we had an absolutely smashing time at Friendly’s. We can’t begin to thank you all enough for coming and being with us. First, let me say that the staff at Friendly’s informed us this was the MOST SUCCESSFUL FUNDRAISER EVER for them.

We had about 255 people come! Plus, they talked about how gracious and kind and patient everyone was when the waiting was so long. They said we were blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives; of course we said we absolutely agreed!

Between the Friendly’s money, donations from people who couldn’t attend, and the very successful 50/50 tickets, the night far exceeded our expectations! You have all been so totally GENEROUS in so many ways, our words are inadequate to thank you.

There have been so many extra expenses (like beds and stuff) and it seems like I am arguing about medical expenses more and more often lately. Your contributions are giving us a little breathing room this month, and we can’t tell you how much it means to have less stress on us!

The most perfect ending to the night (which broke us down!) was when we were finally able to sit long enough and eat. That is when we found our very, very dear Mrs. Winters had secretly paid for our dinners. She was Frankie’s kindergarten teacher and she is so dear to our hearts.

She will have my head for telling everyone this story but I will take my punishment gracefully. We came home exhausted, mostly from being so darn thankful and amazed at all of you!

Today, Tim started another round of chemo. They figured out that his eyes have been feeling dry, which can be a side effect from the chemo. He thought perhaps that rather than feeling actual fatigue, maybe his eyes were tired from being dry. She started him on eye drops.

His doctor told him — in a most cautious way — that his blood results may possibly indicate the chemo is helping… How about that for great news? •

Thursday, July 22, 2010 Guestbook entry from Tim’s family

Tim, Thanks for sharing this site with me. You are a very special person and you are in our prayers. If you need or want anything I’d be happy to help or talk or just listen if you want. I love you and believe in God being there for us all. End entry

Ben is the caretaker for his wife. She doesn’t have that one diagnosis that explains everything, but multiple medical issues such as epilepsy, a blood disorder, and multiple strokes. He has been caring for her for over 20 years! I don’t even have 20 weeks under my belt. I can’t even fathom how a family handles these things for that long.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Tim attended a support group at Gilda’s Club last night for the first time. This is what he had to say: “I met a group of seven people that had various forms of cancer, whose experiences humbled me. And some of whom had other life issues occurring in the midst of their cancer diagnosis that made me feel fortunate that I am surrounded by so many caring people.

“I found it nurturing. I found there was a lot to be gained from being there and striking up new friendships with people who are fighting for their lives. I found I had something to give. I am the youngest, and brought into the room with me, a high level of energy and enthusiasm and mental strength that all who saw it in me, got a great deal of enjoyment and inspiration.

One guy had a six month old son that he couldn’t imagine dying and leaving behind. That son is now 21 years old and 6’4” and is this man’s pride and joy.” End entry

While this was obviously a great experience for Tim, he didn’t make any more groups there. Gilda’s Club is a beautiful resource, but it is not very conveniently located for us. When you are trying desperately to get through the days, even things like a longer drive become too much.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Tim had chemo today and got more good news. Now I have the actual numbers in front of me. There is a number for “carbohydrate antigen nineteen” they call a “cancer marker.” Normal level should be .0–35.0. His scores are still “abnormally high.”

HOWEVER… on June 8, his level was 12831.1, on July 1, it was 8510.1! I’m not great at math, but I think that is about a 30 percent reduction. On July 22, it was 6529.4, the latest data we have. Again, that is a significant drop on our books… almost 50 percent drop since this all started… Keep those prayers up!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Good morning! Today I take Tim for his CAT scan. This will be the big news as to whether the chemo is helping and how much. We probably won’t get the results until next Thursday. If the blood marker is any indication, we should be getting great results!

Add some prayers to your day for us. Tim’s quality of life has been pretty down lately; he has had to come home from work more. When he’s home he is sleeping a lot, but also just feels lousy most of the time.

We are hoping this is some sort of cycle he will pass through, but of course we don’t know; and there is so little I can do to comfort him when he’s that ill…

We had our first “family meeting” to discuss how we are all doing here in our household. We plan to have them every other week. Frankie is also struggling; he feels homesick when he’s away and wants to stay put more often.

It is hard to juggle all of that when I have to work. Plus there are times I think it is better if he isn’t home when his dad is so ill… So pray for relief and mostly just wisdom to know how to handle all the challenges… we love you all! End entry

Parenting in this situation has been… Well, uh… difficult. We have our older kids — Matthew age 23, Colin, age 26, and Emily age 29. Then there is Frankie, who is 7, going on 42.

He is a very active and athletic kid who needs lots of activity and stimulation. So people have been great about having him over, taking him on outings, etc. It relieves me because he has my emotional makeup and notices everything.

I see him worrying and being nervous about what is happening around him. But now he is telling me he is stressing out about being away too much. He needs to stay around home base more.

I get it, I just wonder how I can possibly be the mom I want to be and be the wife and caretaker I want to be. I am very aware that the answer is I can’t. I can’t be all that I think I am capable of being. It’s just not reasonable to expect of myself.

I know that intellectually, but emotionally, it tears me up.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010 Guestbook entry from my supervisor

Darcy and Tim, Hang in there. You are on a roller coaster ride of healing. You have hit a low point but let your faith in the healing process help you climb back up to the next peak. I’m cheering you on…

Tuesday, August 3, 2010 Guestbook entry from “Mom B”

Tim and Darcy, “We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.” — Eleanor Roosevelt.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010 Guestbook entry from our church family

Good Morning, Darcy, You are doing such an incredible job balancing everything for your family! I so remember one of the times my mom was going through a terrible set back with her cancer (this was in 1996). She was in Roswell for three months, with infections, losing weight and my sisters and I were running back and forth daily, trying to juggle everything.

When I was at work, I thought I should be at the hospital; of course when I would be at Roswell, I thought I should be with my husband or catching up with work… On and on it went for three months…

Then, the doctors decided to send her home once the infections went away and to “see what happens.” Well, she rallied (actually for 11 more years!). My sisters and I look back at that time and know that it was God’s grace and the love and concern of friends and family that helped give us the strength to keep going. Love to you and Tim.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Tim had his CAT scan yesterday; they also wanted to see him at the clinic after because he has been so sick. They decided his symptoms are probably chemo related, but are not bad enough to warrant lowering the chemo dose at this point.

However, they do want to address the fatigue issue so they prescribed him Ritalin. That’s what they usually use for ADHD, so people think it is a calming type of drug. However, it is a stimulant, it helps the brain focus (which is why it is becoming a popular drug now for college students who want a “better edge”). End entry

I’m not sure at what point we did this, but we ended up getting one of those pillboxes. It is the biggest kind, with places for pills morning, noon and night. I then put together a chart that explained which pills go in which box. Just keeping up with this alone feels overwhelming at times.

There are so many things to stay on top of, and just when you think you have it down, something will change. Or many things will change. Tim used to handle his meds completely on his own, but it really is too much for one person to handle, especially if you are still attempting to live your life!

Link to Chapter 8