Bitter Love

Monday’s Prompt: Bitterness — shows you where you need to heal, where you’re still holding judgments on others and yourself

Empty promises You failed to keep. Left alone, Bitterness grew strong.

If you have ever suffered a broken heart like I have, you know what it means to lose yourself, to lose your emotions to deep dark thoughts. Your heart becomes empty, then lonely, and eventually turns to bitterness.

It took me a few years to fully get over the broken heart I suffered from my last relationship. I became unrecognizable, a shell of myself, just going through the motions of daily life, passionate about nothing. Food became tasteless, no birds sang, the sunsets became dark gloomy skies, the moon and the stars vanished, personal relationships suffered, nothing mattered. Darkness encompassed my world, and the worst part was, I was robbed of my genuine smile. Laughter existed, but only to cover the intense pain and chaos that boiled inside, I lost myself.

I thought my ex was the person I would’ve spent my life with because for the first time, I was in a relationship that felt like home. Home meaning, I felt safe and our love felt authentic. I loved him despite his flaws, and he had qualities that I truly admired. It was a love that developed effortlessly. A love that merged our minds and bodies and vibrated within the core of our spirits. It felt whole…harmonious.

Our love flourished until something life changing happened to him, that plunged him into a depressed state, that I couldn’t rescue him from. Our relationship eventually fizzled when he moved away to pursue his dreams. He left me with a promise that we would still be together, a promise he failed to keep.

We did everything together and it was difficult to have that ripped away. It felt like my world collapsed and it caved in on me. Back then, I wasn’t emotionally equipped to handle that curve ball. So, I fell into a state of bitterness, a state of despair, and I blamed him for it all. He was the reason for my suffering and I held on to that pain for years.

Happy to say that after some serious self-discovery, soul searching, and healing, I have risen and found my way back to love. I had to forgive him and while I reflected on forgiveness, I discovered that I still love him because he taught me love. He taught me the identity of love in an intimate relationship.

As I sit and write this today, I am in a place of love. A love so vibrant and bold that it exudes from the deepest crevices of my heart. I love life, I love my family, I love my friends, I love reading and writing, I love nature and sunsets, I love laughing, I love helping others, I love food, and most of all, I love myself. It took me letting go of bitterness, forgiving my ex and loving him again, to realize the greatest gift in life, to experience love.

Life can take some difficult turns. Roads might get bumpy and you might even get lost, but at some point, you will eventually discover your true path. It took a few years to let go of the bitterness that lived inside my heart. But once I let it go, my entire world opened up and it led me to discovering the true essence of my being, the true reason for our existence…love.

Thank you for reading and thanks 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊. for today’s prompt. Happy to share another piece of the puzzle, as I continue on the path of enlightenment and self-awareness…self-love.