Birthdays, Glasses and Avocados
An article about growing older and aging gracefully
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Birthdays
My birthday was in September… yippee.
I am not announcing this in order to receive a plethora of well-wishes and happy birthday messages. I much prefer getting presents and cash. Just kidding (kind of). As an adult, a birthday is usually not as exciting as when you were a kid. The slide at McDonald’s just doesn’t hold quite the level of thrill anymore. If you want to know more about my thoughts about celebrating birthdays, please read my article Is Your Birthday Killing You?
Glasses
Last month, I bought my first pair of “readers.” I’ve noticed for a while that I haven’t been able to see things close to me as clearly anymore. I’m holding instructions at arm’s length (because they were apparently printed for Smurfs or the Antman), I’m squinting (because that always helps), in some cases, using a magnifying glass (only because I like pretending that I’m Sherlock Holmes), those sorts of things. I was at a big box store and decided to try on a pair of readers. The sign above the display suggested trying the lowest level first, which was 1.25, whatever that means. I grabbed a nearby box of Tylenol and I am sorry to say that the glasses helped. Well, here we go.
I am not opposed to wearing glasses. I have, in fact, been wearing nonprescription ones for a while just for the fashion. I have different styles and colors for various outfits. I happen to think wearing glasses raises a guy’s level of attractiveness. After someone told me that I look good in glasses, of COURSE I started wearing them more often!
Avocados (and Cucumbers)
The other night, I rubbed an avocado all over my face because I read that it’s supposed to have anti-wrinkle properties. If it makes it any better, I bought the avocado to eat, but this one sat around until it started getting those brown streaks in it. So, I thought as expensive as those things are, I should at least smear it on my face, right? I placed a couple of slices of cucumber on my eyes as well. I don’t know if any of it helped, but it didn’t hurt. My cats may have thought I looked odd, but cats don’t get wrinkles when they age, as far as I know, so they have no right to judge me and no one else was around to witness it, so who cares?
People usually guess that I am younger than I really am, which is just fine with me. I will try to carry that regenerative aspect of myself for as long as I possibly can. How old am I, you ask? I will not be answering that question; in fact, it is quite impertinent of you to be so nosey. Moving on…
Aging Gracefully?
Now, I leave it up to you, dear readers. Are you fighting off old age like he’s your sneaky, Hollywood stalker? Are you adorning your face with fruits and vegetables? If you had the money, resources, etc, would you get Botox, plastic surgery, a face lift? Do you dye your hair? Are you scanning the labels of every facial cream in the store aisle, looking for supposed age-defying ingredients like hyaluronic acid? Please leave a comment!
I certainly don’t have the money to pay for age-altering, wrinkle-reducing, skin-tightening surgeries, so I’ll continue to do my skincare shopping in the grocery aisle.
Copyright © 2022 Brandon Ellrich
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