Puberty 2.0

Bimonthly Update — 3/19/22

Maniacally Marching Maudlin, Maybe…

As someone who finds joy in the typical precision of written language, I find the word bimonthly frankly frustrating. Scratch that, that’s not fair to monthly which is clearly concise comparatively. Which leaves me with the prefix “bi.” Bi comes from Latin, bis, meaning twice or doubly. Consider me bifrustrated.

As many of my diligent darling readers can confirm, I started hormone replacement therapy nearly two months ago with a low-dose monotherapy of Estradiol. In the interim I’ve run the emotional gamut; feeling quite content and happy at times only to swing suddenly into an angry or fearful fervor. The next moments could be perfectly peaceful, extremely exciting, or seriously sad. Needless to say, I’ve been feeling scattered. I’m hopeful that this has been mostly due to not having a testosterone blocker in my system until a few days ago, and the T and E duking it out.

Haven’t been so diligent, darling? Click to catch up…

Thirst has become my enemy.

Spironolactone was a solidly secondary choice for an anti-androgen in January. Despite being brazenly bold about bicalutamide before, I was anything but competent enough to persist by my next appointment. So, Spiro, it is. A person will eat what’s given if they’re hungry enough.

My main objection originally to taking Spiro was due to its diuretic properties (a fancy term meaning it makes one pee a lot). I am very sensitive to diuretics, one might say I’m bisensitive, to abuse a certain stupid prefix. And while it is affirming to know my body so parently, I wish my doctor truly understood how unapologetically I hate diuretics. On my first day, I flushed over 15 times, nearly hourly. And sleep is only experienced in spurts (puns are always intended). Thirst has become my enemy. And I’m considering diapers; for protective purposes…

But hey, I’m tough and lovely. This badass, trans woman is strong enough to fulfill all her transition goals.

Speaking of transition goals, I’ve begun my voice work. One thing I’ve heard repeatedly from my trans sisters is that they wish they had started feminizing their voice early in transition. Here’s a great lesson from Z and TransVoiceLessons, even if you’re not doing voice work: https://youtu.be/fylIX28mlyY

Way back in another lifetime known as November 2021, when I finally accepted I was (am) transgender and began this queer adventure, I promised myself I would focus on my gender, transitioning, and bettering myself in general. And not on my sexuality, kinks, fetishes, or relationships which I had conflated and confused myself with for decades. Sexuality was an obsession, I was doubly concerned with it, bisexual…? 😄

I started to write about my traditional religious upbringing and current celestial beliefs. And that’s when Jenny Starr✨ and I first clicked on an ethereal level. Things escalated to the sexy and hot realm quickly. She was (is) loving and affectionate and I felt desirable and pretty. But we also connected in a very spiritual way. We felt we were twin flames.

The past few weeks, I became overwhelmed with everything and I started to lose what little identity I had at long last begun to create for myself after decades of being a mirror of others, a chameleon blending into whatever external forces dictated what I needed to be to survive. And so I ran, and am still running of sorts, but I’m running towards myself now, towards who I truly am. Jenny showed me how to love myself. I don’t know if we are twin flames (although me running seems to indicate something), but I do know that I do care and love for her on a very deep level. I just can’t be in a romantic relationship right now, I made a promise and I owe it to myself to keep it this time.

Along similar lines, I was letting the Discord chat server consume and distract me from my goals and productivity. Those friendly, platonic relationships with all you beautiful/handsome souls going through similar earthly journeys have been a tremendous blessing. Y’all are my chosen, queer family and I’ll still be around, just less often. I need to create actual boundaries in my life. A word I didn’t fully appreciate or even understand, beyond borders on a map, just a few months ago. I love you all!

I have some other updates to share, but they will have to wait for another day and another post. This update, besides keeping you apprised of my goings-on, is also my response to a “Logan’s Corner” Writing Prompt:

I think I used all the adjectives. That was the goal, right? 😋

Cheeky regards,

💜 Victoria Quinn 💜

P.S. Before you get all pedantic, I know Logan wrote “Earthy” but I think he meant to write “Earthly.” Unless he was making a dirty joke. 🤔

P.P.S. And don’t go getting all motherly/fatherly on me because I spelled out badass; twice. Bibadassery…