Billy ‘El Niño’ Smillew Rebalances the World Left Lopsided by the Non-Existence of Australia
For the record, I was against Billy mowing the lawn, but I was outvoted. — Queen Ann (no ‘e’)
He’s only seven. It’s a gas-powered mower. He could have gotten hurt. Or broken sprinkler heads which would have been even worse.
After he finished mowing, he sat on the deck, fidgeting.
“Would you like to do a puzzle?”
“Cool. What is it?”
“A map of the world on one side, the U. S. on the other.”
He chose the world map. While he put together the pieces, and drank his lemonade, I told him about my day. “I’ve just learned that Australia does not exist.”
“Does Queen Raine know it?”
“I don’t think so. And I’m not going to be the one to tell her. It’ll break her heart. Her queendom has never existed. Her most excellent Moatkeeper Patrick Eades, Robert “the Guillotine” Gowty, freaky Frank T Bird, and poet and satirist extraordinaire Carlo Zeno. All of them, figments of her imagination.”
“If Australia doesn’t exist, the land mass distribution is all wonky and Planet A is going to spin out of control. . . Only I can fix it.”
“How will you do that, Billy?”
“Easy. Take out Texas, Utah and Florida.”
