avatarRubaiyat Rahman

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Abstract

to even try to understand your own emotions?</p><p id="144f"><b>The problem with the tired old trope of men as less emotional is that it only works if we ignore all the emotions we associate with maleness, such as anger, competitiveness, lust, rage, ambition, jealousy, and pride. And only if we pretend men aren’t affected by such feelings as insecurity, shame, sadness, fear, grief, pain, anxiety, and guilt.</b></p><p id="a656">What I observed in my professional career was that men do experience those emotions just as much as women do, but they are less aware of them, less willing to examine them, less able to discuss them.</p><p id="5b18"><b>Even feelings every human being should be proud to own, like love, are uncomfortable territory for the hyper-male to verbalize. Does that mean they lack such feelings? No. <i>So why are they so scared to talk about them?</i></b></p><p id="6246" type="7">In what sense is it rational not to try to understand how others feel?</p><h2 id="4850">Big boys don’t cry.</h2><p id="f56e"><b>To most of us, emotionality means tears.</b> Maybe this is where we got the notion of the unemotional man. Women cry, and children cry, but men are tough. They don’t react to feelings.</p><p id="5921">Well, they might react, but not by weeping. They might shout and clench their fists. They might pitch tantrums — punching walls, slamming doors, and breaking things. They might do any of a dozen crazy things, from driving way too fast to picking fights in bars, but as long as they aren’t crying at the same time, their friends won’t call them out for “getting all emotional.”</p><p id="e644">But tears are a <b>healthy</b> response to strong emotion. Tears show vulnerability, invite support, build unity with others, and regulate our neurochemical balance. Tears function as a safety valve, removing stress hormones like cortisol. When those chemicals build up, it sets us up for major health problems, including diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. It also builds up pressure that can lead to desperate behavior.</p><p id="c708"><b><i>Maybe, if we taught our boys to cry, we wouldn’t see so many of our men arrested, addicted, committed, or dead by suicide.</i></b></p><p id="2497" type="7">Tears function as a safety valve, removing stress hormones like cortisol.</p><h2 id="a13e">But what about their hormones? PMS!?!</h2><p id="56ba"><b>Here’s the scoop: we all have hormones.</b> Every body and every brain has the same hormones, just not in the same proportion. And everybody’s hormones have an impact, not just on their moods but on their mental clarity.</p><p id="3e2c">Women’s estrogen levels fluctuate in predictable 28-day cycles. That’s why we see shelf after shelf of books, plus articles in every magazine that’s written for a female readership, about not only PMS and PMDD but also the emotional effects of pregnancy and perimenopause. Estrogen may be the single most-examined substance in the human body. (Or, at least, in the <i>female</i> human body, though many of the neural pathways in men’s brains are also estrogen-dependent.)</p><p id="4017">But even though males are still in the majority among physicians, testosterone has not been given anywhere near as much attention except regarding its

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impact on sexual and athletic performance.</p><p id="4887">Men’s testosterone levels surge <b>unpredictably</b>. Like every time they see a pretty woman. Or their team wins a big game. Or they get cut off in traffic. So where is all the research on the impact of those hormone surges on men’s moods and mental clarity? Or, more to the point, why doesn’t <i>that</i> research get more air time in the popular press?</p><p id="81c9"><b>Testosterone-juiced behavior has been described in many ways. Rational was never one of them.</b> But do we teach our sons to watch out for <i>their</i> hormones? Of course not. Instead, we show them how to justify their actions — to <i>rationalize </i>their irrational behavior and, if called out by a woman, accuse her of oversensitivity.</p><p id="bb86" type="7">Testosterone-juiced behavior has been described in many ways. Rational was never one of them.</p><h2 id="b8af">Conclusions</h2><p id="277a">A<b>re men more rational than women? </b>In a word, no. Just the opposite. Neither are they less emotional, just less aware of their emotionality.</p><p id="1b09">Our culture shows girl children lots of ways to handle feelings. It tells boy children just to stuff them. So the women have the tools, the tears, the talking skills. The men just have to wing it. In the dark.</p><p id="6fc1">It isn’t fair to anyone. Not fair to men who have grown up deprived of vital skills and knowledge. Not fair to women who are forced to deal with men who can become irrational at any moment, in response to feelings they have been conditioned to ignore.</p><p id="b67f">It doesn’t have to be that way. We can do a better job preparing all our children to live as emotion-having beings in the company of other emotion-having beings.</p><p id="4b69"><b>But until that happens, we should stop letting men get away with pretending they are somehow blessed with greater rationality than women. Because nothing could be further from the truth.</b></p><p id="cc07">.</p><p id="171c"><b><i>More from Edward Robson, PhD, MFA:</i></b></p><div id="2913" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-friend-zone-is-a-lie-f7b904035d3a"> <div> <div> <h2>The Friend Zone is a Lie</h2> <div><h3>There’s a reason you keep getting stuck there.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*9tcAn5ESD5gxfeUb)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="0d10" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/you-have-the-power-to-cause-pain-ba63dcb1a55e"> <div> <div> <h2>You Have the Power to Cause Pain</h2> <div><h3>The surest way to guarantee you will is to imagine that you can’t.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*56yO74vt1MVnhj5I0uIECg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Benefits of Reading

Reading makes our moments meaningful

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Why Does Reading Matter?

Yes! Reading matters a lot. It’s kind of double-edged sword. It’s not rocket science to comprehend the significance of reading books.

Reading habit ‘quietly’ improves one’s analytical skills in tandem with the focus on the facts and issues of reading materials.

The habit of reading would help readers to skim through a book or paper in a weekend time span.

However, the philosophy, the thoughts and contents of those reading materials would help readers to rivet and mull for days and weeks even after readers put it down after reading.

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Bibliotherapy: Most Effective Stress Reliever

Human brain is not any nuclear reactor. To ensure effective functionality of human brain, it needs some planned disengagement and mediation.

The habit of reading can be psychological syrup of stress relief.

The habit of reading helps one to have sound sleep; maintain lower stress levels and higher self esteem.

Here, the last feature, i.e., higher self-esteem, is pivotal for anyone considering present pandemic time period.

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In the literature of bibliotherapy, it has been reported that when one delves into reading, one’s brain’s neurological organ stimulates with the topic of reading contents.

Ceridwen Dovey in the New Yorker, shares that:

“Reading fiction makes me lose all senses of self, but at the same time makes me feel most uniquely myself.”

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Reading Habit: Past, Present and Future

Sometimes I worriedly notice that trends of reading habit in 2020's are no longer associated with aims and pleasure as it was back in 2000's and 2010's.

When I was growing up in late 1990's in the capital of a country belonging to South Asia region, I have had at least the vibe to consider the habit of reading as a mean of intellectual recreation.

That time, reading habit was not intimidated by ‘SEGA’, PC Games (FIFA 99 and the Age of the Empire) and Mobile Phones.

Truly speaking, at that point in time (late 1990's and beginning of 2000's), the habit of reading was the stepping stone to escape from the thicket of academic study and monotonous exams.

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In the time of Kindle, Nook and other e-book reader devices, it has become very easy for one to create virtual e-library with motley ranges of reading topics to delve into amazing journey of reading.

Sadly, in present time, most of us have been busy to churn out our pleasure feelings either in Xbox, Stadia, Netflix or in the apps like ‘Bumble’!

However, these visual entertainment apps and gadgets won’t facilitate us any interactively vivid experience of imagination. Only the habit of reading can instill such power of imagination.

This power of imagination through reading would help to activate the parts of human brain for better understand the surrounding world from a unique context.

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Never Give Up the Habit of Reading

Well, the problem is not the entertainment gadgets or apps that deprive us from the habits of reading. The problem is us! We, ourselves, are responsible!

We have entwined ourselves into the meaningless tangles of ‘to-do-list’ of feeding update status and surfing of social networks.

We have turned ourselves into miserable personality too busy to read, too deviated to focus on reading and, appallingly failing to tap the benefits of reading.

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I believe, there is still time to remedy the situation. I can confidently bet, the moment one comprehends the ‘cello of pleasure/benefits’ of reading, one would surely delves into reading more and more!

So, let’s not give up reading; let’s encourage others and ourselves to read.

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Personal Development
Life Lessons
Self Improvement
Parenting
Reading
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