Beyond Borders: The Grief Of Losing A Dear Friend

There is intense grief when your friend dies

Jose came into my life quite unexpectantly. I would have never even thought of meeting him.

I met him at the institute where I was working as Head of the MBA (International Business Management Department.)

I was asked by the Director General to come and meet Dr.Jose Lam from Canada who had come on a sabbatical from the Memorial University of New Found Land Campus and take care of him looking into his professional requirements while he was with us for 6 months.

I was not impressed with him. He was looking a little clumsy. I wondered if he would fit in with the other members of the department and other departments.

I was looking after the International Management program. The responsibility of looking after international guests of the institute was given to me.

Jose smiled at me. He seemed warm and I did not want to make a judgment so I beamed a smile too.

He was a professor of entrepreneurship. He would be teaching one paper of his specialization and I would be teaching Finance for entrepreneurs.

At that particular time, all faculty offices were occupied but the one next to me, so he was allotted that room.

He brought his laptop and papers as he had to write a term paper for his own university and he was to do a joint project with our institute and his own. I was assigned to be his project partner from my institute

Our institute had provided him with a studio apartment and an office room because he was drawing 80% Of his salary while on sabbatical and that was enough for his stay in India due to the Canadian Dollar India Rupee exchange rate.

With this brief introduction, he accompanied me and I showed him his office. He was delighted that I was his neighbor.

A week after Jose joined we were having the freshers day. It was usually a grand party where we selected Mr. and Mrs.Fresher. We also arrange a grand party for the students.

Jose had begun to teach. I just asked him out of politeness and courtesy if he would like to rest or join us for the freshers' day. Imagine my surprise when he said he would love to attend. Again I asked him if I should pick him up and he was absolutely delighted.

I picked up Jose in the evening and we had a long conversation on the way to the venue. He told me about his university and there was a lot of diversity in faculty and students in the university.

At the Freshers Day, Jose had a great time with the students and faculty members. People were curious and wanted to know him better.

I dropped him back home.

The next morning he began his classes and he asked for a bit of guidance but students all over the world are the same. He knew how to get into their hearts and he won them over.

He was very humble and made friends with everyone around right from the office assistant to the secretary, librarian, accounts office, reception staff, and faculty members.

There was a wonderful bakery close to where we had given him a place to live in. He brought a lot of cookies and distributed them to a lot of people. I noticed that the best ones were for me.

We have a brother and sister bonding festival called rakhi in India that was at that time. It was supposed to be a holiday. He did not know what he would do alone. I invited him home to witness this cultural festival. He was shy at first and felt that it was a family get-together so hesitated. I encouraged him to come and he did.

He got along famously with my family members. My brother and sis in law came. My sons were home from the USA so he was able to interact with everyone.

Jose came to my home every weekend. We went out sometimes for lunch or we stayed home chatting. We also went out shopping. He was very generous to a fault.

He was single and did not have too many needs of his own. He bought things for his family members, friends, and faculty members of his department.

We even went for a short 5-day vacation together. This was a small but very pretty place in the hills called Kasauli and had two large shops where there were very creative things available.

He brought many gifts from there for his university friends. I saw a beautiful cape but I got interested in helping him with his shopping and although I liked it a lot I did not buy it.

He was very observant and could see that I liked it. He did not say anything at that moment but when we met in Delhi he presented it to me and I was very surprised with this thoughtful gesture.

He soon became very popular in the institute as he touched the hearts of the students, faculty, and staff. No one could imagine that a person coming from another country could mingle and be like everybody else in the institute.

It was soon his time to go so we submitted the project on small entrepreneurs in garments and jewellery.

After completing the course and submitting the marks and all other formalities he said goodbye and left.

He traveled to different parts of India, then on the way to China, Hongkong, and Costa Rica from where he belonged before he reached Canada.

A little while later the Memorial University NewFound Land Campus (Canada) held an international conference on women entrepreneurs and to my surprise, I was invited as a keynote speaker. I was also to give two talks at the university and had to hold discussions in various departments. There was a workshop where I was to judge projects.

They also sent me the ticket and I had to apply for my visa soon and get it approved.

I was treated with a lot of dignity and respect on his campus. He himself looked after me so well. It was a testament to the trust and friendship that we had developed over time.

He saw to it that my room in the hotel was sufficiently heated so I would not feel the cold of Newfoundland where the lakes were frozen and we were walking on ice. Everywhere around there were boulders of ice and he would always see that I was sufficiently clad for the cold.

Every morning he would take me out for breakfast before we started the day as he feared that it would be long for the program to finish and to get the next meal.

I met his sister and other family and friends. In the university, we had several discussions but he looked after me extremely well.

We wished each other goodbye and we made plans to present a paper at a very prestigious conference to be held in the USA at a university.

Our research paper had been approved by the committee. We also developed some cases and sent them for approval and publication and got acceptance and approval from his university. This was the kind of trust, bonding, and friendship we had developed with each other.

Two weeks later Jose called me up to tell me that he had not neglected me or ghosted me but he had fallen sick and was in hospital with cirrhosis of the liver but was on the way to recovery and we would be working together again.

Imagine my shock when I received a call from his family, followed by a friend and then the university. Jose was no more.

How could it be? Life was so unfair. He was only 55. Always smiling, always in the hearts of people to go away so suddenly?

I was shocked beyond disbelief. My friend had passed away. I kept rubbing my eyes. I informed the Director General who held a small Memorium ceremony that was led that was conducted by me.

We will never work together again.

A soul so young had gone and I was in grief. It is now two years and he lives in my heart. The death of a friend who was so sincere and rare. In such a short while I had made such a good friend who left an indelible mark and just as he had come into my life he left and said goodbye forever.

©Dr. Preeti Singh, 2023.

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