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Abstract
‘It’s unfortunate you feel that way.’</i></p><p id="b0dc"><i>I view things differently.’</i></p><p id="3f5d"><i>‘I’ve heard you and I don’t agree.’</i></p><p id="9124">On repeat to ♾️.</p><figure id="dadb"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*0UkRtfeQlf_wppZd74yMUQ.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><h1 id="0f52">TIP 4 — Set Consequences for Abusive Behaviors.</h1><p id="c766">Never allow a toxic person to walk all over you. You can complain and protest, but so long as you do not impose meaningful consequences, you enable and reinforce toxic people. They become worse.</p><p id="b66c">By standing up for yourself and setting effective boundaries with them, you respect yourself and train toxic people to respect you.</p><p id="6a96">When implementing consequences with a toxic person, there are two actions you can take:</p><ol><li>Reduce or remove something positive.</li><li>Increase or add something negative.</li></ol><p id="0dc9">To learn frameworks for setting effective boundaries with toxic people through consequences (without abusing them reactively), check out <a href="https://ellieanson.gumroad.com/l/yeahboundaries"><b>Yeah Boundaries! The Definitive Guide: How to set Effective Boundaries with Toxic People.</b></a></p><div id="e351" class="link-block">
<a href="https://ellieanson.gumroad.com/l/yeahboundaries">
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<h2>Yeah Boundaries! The Definitive Guide: How to Set Effective Boundaries with Toxic People.</h2>
<div><h3>No one should be made to feel unsafe or held captive by their relationships.It's challenging for conscientious people…</h3></div>
<div><p>ellieanson.gumroad.com</p></div>
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</div><figure id="2c07"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*eR0QVxiSrD66EVl5bCDIJQ.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><h1 id="0662">TIP 5 — Silence.</h1><p id="d58e">Yes. Sometimes no response is the best response. You do not have to engage every internet troll or toxic person that insults you. Some people are miserable and want you to be miserable too. Some people purposefully choose to misunderstand you or your intentions.</p><p id="2b10">Oh well. You know yourself.</p><p id="d75e">Starve that toxic person of your attention and emotional reactions, which is a form of fuel or supply for them. Pick your battles, understanding that your time and attention are valuable and toxic people are a distraction to your goals and purpose.</p><h1 id="b935">BONUS — List of Manipulative Tactics</h1><figure id="9025"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*aI5IR58oRZJXFJzoxvwwOw.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="3716">Here is a comprehensive list of tactics, which manipulators use to selfishly control their victims.</p><h2 id="32ef">Emotional Blackmail (Eliciting Feelings of Fear, Obligation and Guilt)</h2><ul><li>Violence and Physical Intimidation.</li><li>Bullying. <i>(Using fear as a weapon to terrorize others to get what they want; brandishing intense anger or rage; putdowns or devaluation).</i></li><li>Covert Intimidation. <i>(Implied or veiled threats).</i></li><li>Triangulation. <i>(Divide and Conquer).</i></li><li>Guilt trips or Playing the Victim.</li><li>Shaming.</li><li>Silent Treatment or Stonewalling.</li><li>Manipulative Obligation or Indebtedness. <i>(I did X for you. Now you have to do Y for me. Without prior agreement of a transaction. OR I did X for you. You owe me for the rest of your life.)</i></li></ul><h2 id="366d">Gaslighting (Distorting or Denying Reality and Truth)</h2><ul><li>Denial. <i>(Unwillingness to admit they’ve done anything wrong).</i><
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/li><li>Rationalizing. <i>(Justifying a wrong behavior or making excuses for something they know is regarded as wrong).</i></li><li>Minimizing.</li><li>Lying and Smear Campaigns.</li><li>Scapegoating. <i>(Externalizing the blame).</i></li><li>Projecting. <i>(Vilifying the victim).</i></li><li>Deliberate Exaggeration or Over generalization.</li><li>Evasion. <i>(Avoiding the subject).</i></li><li>Diversion. <i>(Deflecting or shifting focus; word salads or circular arguments).</i></li><li>Feigning Ignorance or Confusion. <i>(aka playing dumb).</i></li><li>Feigning Innocence. <i>(Claiming they had no malicious intent or the abuse was unintended).</i></li></ul><h2 id="b79d">Love Bombing (False Demonstrations of Attention and Affection)</h2><ul><li>Giving Assent. <i>(Pretending to agree or concede on a point to get the person confronting them off their back).</i></li><li>Playing the Servant. <i>(Pretending they’re only trying to help or care for you when they really want to take advantage of you).</i></li><li>Seduction and Flattery. <i>(Using flattery or sweet talk or saying whatever it is they think you want to hear, so that they can win you over — or get you to do what they want — without really earning your trust. Excessive calls, texts and attention).</i></li><li>False Concessions. <i>(Falsely appearing contrite or honest by making small admissions. Apologizing without sustained changed behavior.)</i></li><li>Future Faking. <i>(Moving the goal post. Falsely promising to fulfill your desires in the future to get something they want in the present).</i></li><li>Manipulative Kindness or Generosity. <i>(Buying gifts or doing favors in place of taking responsibility for their wrongful actions).</i></li></ul><figure id="2e91"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*EK6U3VLw4LL-LYuyX23C6w.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><h2 id="9d42">Leveraging Flying Monkeys (Manipulation by Proxy)</h2><p id="8d21">When a toxic person cannot get to their victim directly, they will try to abuse the victim by proxy through mutual connections.</p><p id="6169">The toxic person launches a smear campaign against the victim to their mutual connections (family members, relatives, friends, colleagues, etc.). The toxic person recruits these people into manipulating the victim to regain their control.</p><p id="8fb7">These mutual connections, dubbed flying monkeys, can be naive or aware that they are participating in abuse by proxy. With this manipulative tactic, the emotional blackmail, gaslighting and love bombing are carried out by the flying monkeys.</p><p id="5c5d">P. S. What did you think? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.</p><p id="7599">If you enjoyed this story, you can show support by clapping, so others can find it. You can also show appreciation by <a href="https://buy.stripe.com/8wM4jI4o68nogRG145"><b>buying a coffee</b></a><b> 💕💛.</b></p><p id="0742">Follow me for strategies, tips and frameworks for dealing with difficult people and navigating challenging relationships. Let’s build the best relationship with ourselves and with others.</p><p id="8866">Lastly, you can <a href="https://medium.com/@ellieanson/subscribe"><b>subscribe</b></a><b> </b>to receive a notification anytime I publish.</p><div id="dbf5" class="link-block">
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