Between Perfection And Failure

The 2 fears we need to overcome during our lifetime

Often in life, there are moments when we feel stressed, overwhelmed, or worried. While some of these concerns are beyond our control, there are fears that we can actually address and overcome on our own.

Among the various anxieties that we are dealing with, there are two major fears that hold a considerable influence over our actions and choices: the fear of imperfection and the fear of failure.

Personally, I have had my fair share of battles with both fears. I considered them to be very different from each other at first, but now I am beginning to believe that they are actually two sides of the same coin, and maybe they require a similar mindset to overcome.

The fear of imperfection

As we grow, we start to look beyond our close circle of friends and family, we begin to contemplate the mystery of existence, and our role within it and are confronted with the randomness of life. This can be hard to accept and as a defense mechanism, we begin constructing narratives of perfection to convince us that our lives hold a special place in this world.

We might find ourselves creating fantasies of perfect love stories, flawless careers, or remarkable athletic achievements. We start believing that the perfection we envision in our fantasies is actually achievable and consequently, we develop a fear of any imperfection that might reduce us to being just as good as anyone else, demonstrating the randomness of our existence.

Moreover, our own experiences often end up strengthening our fear of imperfection. When we receive excessive praise for our accomplishments, if we manage to avoid significant failures, or simply convince ourselves that perfection is attainable due to movies and social media, we end up falling even deeper into the trap of perfection.

Yet, an unattainable standard of perfection proves unsustainable and robs us of the ability to savor the present moment. We postpone happiness, believing it can only be realized when our ambitions are flawlessly achieved. However, there will always be a seemingly more perfect romantic moment, a more prestigious job position, or a new sports record to break.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

— Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Additionally, when we are confronted with imperfection, we end up idealizing people and situations, in order to make them fit through our perfection lenses. Consequently, we may find ourselves saying things like:

“My partner doesn’t treat me well at times, but we are still a perfect match because we met in the most romantic way possible.”

“I am working 80 hours per week now, but it is worth it because I have to get that promotion.”

“My leg is hurting, but I have to keep on training because I have to win the race next week.”

The fear of failure

While some of us deal with the randomness of existence by creating our perfect stories, others struggle to justify their right to exist, living with constant insecurities concerning their worth and their competencies. Across some or many areas in life, including relationships, career, physical appearance, and daily tasks, they are blocked by the fear of failure, driven by a firmly rooted belief of not being good enough.

This fear, once again, often gains strength from our own experiences. If we have weathered a storm of criticism and failures, perhaps lacking the support we needed in specific areas, we might find ourselves full of insecurities. The omnipresence of perfection through social media, movies, or the lives of those around us serves only to further lower our self-esteem.

The fear of failure leads us to inaction. Afraid of failing, we avoid taking risks, trying new things, or pursuing our goals. This results in missed opportunities, a lack of personal growth, and eventually, the painful regret of unfulfilled dreams.

Regret of not doing anything is worse than the feeling of failing at something.

Not acting leaves our insecurities unaddressed, allowing them to grow and further impact our self-esteem. This makes it even more difficult to find the strength to overcome our fears, setting in motion a downward spiral that grows increasingly challenging to reverse.

As a consequence, we may end up persuading ourselves that we are undeserving of any love, incapable of securing a job, or simply inadequate to have an independent and self-sufficient life.

As anticipated, despite their initial divergence, I came to the conclusion that the fear of imperfection and the fear of failure share common ground. The path to addressing both fears lies, in my opinion, in the pursuit of being good enough.

We need to experience failure at times in life to comprehend that, regardless of our efforts, there are circumstances beyond our control that we cannot influence. Our life stories won’t be perfect, and those who portray perfection often showcase only the positive aspects of their lives or narrate unrealistic situations and scenarios.

It’s essential to embrace our imperfections, appreciate what is good enough in our lives, and take pride in our accomplishments, rather than fixating solely on the areas that need improvement.

Perfect is the enemy of good.

— Voltaire

We need to experience failure at times in life to comprehend that the opinion of others actually doesn’t matter. No matter how hard we fail and how foolish we may appear, the world continues, unaffected, and so does our life.

Through persistent attempts and subsequent failures, we accumulate valuable experience and learn from our mistakes. Gradually, we come to realize that we are good enough and that we have conquered our insecurities.

Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.

— Henry Ford

The goal is to find a balance between perfection and failure, striving to be good enough. This means being confident enough to navigate any situation that life may present while also being wise enough to accept that, irrespective of our efforts, external factors beyond our control may prevent us from attaining our ideals of perfection.

Having said that, I still find myself falling into both the perfection trap and the fear of failure. What sounds good in theory is still not easy to implement in our competitive society, where the success of others is constantly magnified. Nevertheless, I always strive to be good enough at being good enough.

Striving to be good enough reminds us that life is a continuous journey of learning and growth. It reminds us that it’s essential to keep on moving forward and to enjoy the progress made along the way, instead of constantly comparing ourselves to others or to unattainable standards.