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Abstract

late Gyrus”? If you really want to spice it up, consider adding an “MD” or “PhD” tail. It’s all in good fun anyway.Then there’s “Wuchereria Bancrofti” if you have delusions of grandeur and really want to go big. Talk about exotic.I’ll leave to you own devices for the rest of things. I’m sure the computer, psychology, maritime and other industries can all make significant contributions to the fun.<h2 id="2475">Bio</h2>Blank is boring.Seriously consider making shit up.No one will know.Besides a catchy bio will ensnare more followers.Try to avoid mentions of cats, coffee, and the word “aspiring” since nearly everyone does that.Instead, here’s one approach, consider playing with famous writing-related quotes and mix them up a bit. Here’s one example.Ideas find you. Good! Where?Then you can add in something witty like …Small, Medium At-LargeIf for example, you wish to present yourself to the writing world as a height-challenged, prison escapee/fortune teller.NB: There’s no need whatsoever to include your name, even the smallest part of it, in your bio. Everyone knows your name — imaginary name or otherwise — already. That’s cuz it’s in the name part of your profile.<p

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id="cbd7">However, in the exception that proves the rule, if your name is “Scat ‘Night-Soil’ Coprolite” definitely mention that twice.<h2 id="7f1f">Picture</h2>Blurry is bad, except of course if you’re actually out of focus in real life (I’m tryna consider all the possibilities here and be inclusive.)Letters are worse, especially blurry letters which seem like all the rage.How about a decent picture of you? Preferably taken sometime after Abe Lincoln vacated the White House.If there are no decent pics of you — and trust me, as a lifelong picture-geeker, I get it — then a cool image (and not of your fucking cat) will do.<h2 id="5ca0">Story</h2>You’re on your own here, but this is a platform for reading and WRITING. So, if you’re tryna con others with the bullshit that you’re a writer, write something.In a pinch, IKEA furniture assembly instructions will do. They’re unintelligible anyway, but if you want to avoid all potential lawsuits, use Google Translate and have them translated into any still-more-unintelligible dialect — Alabaman will do — and publish that shit.If you need any further guidance on this tough topic please call my office at 1–800-E-A-T-S-H-I-T and I’ll be happy to consult. My fees start at $666 an hour with a 4-hour minimum.Cheers!</article></body>

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Best Ways to Create Fake Medium Accounts

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**She’s the real deal** * * * Photo by andré spilborghs on Unsplash

No picture, no bio, no story — That’s easy, and the stuff of beginners.

If you wish to ascend to expert level fakery please come along for this ride.

Name yourself something medical or technical

Calling yourself something common and well known — like “Vas Deferens” — is a rookie mistake. Everybody will know you’re either a fake or a dick, or close to it, and move on, yawning.

However, “Vastus Medialis”, makes it sound like you’re from an exotic and little-known Eastern European country. Plus it’s muscular and solid, a good writer’s name.

“Naegleria Fowleri” might be better still. When the curious find out what this bad boy does for you they might be too enmeshed in your creative process to care. They’ll just continue to follow you … down.

If you’re going for cerebral, how about “Cingulate Gyrus”? If you really want to spice it up, consider adding an “MD” or “PhD” tail. It’s all in good fun anyway.

Then there’s “Wuchereria Bancrofti” if you have delusions of grandeur and really want to go big. Talk about exotic.

I’ll leave to you own devices for the rest of things. I’m sure the computer, psychology, maritime and other industries can all make significant contributions to the fun.

Bio

Blank is boring.

Seriously consider making shit up.

No one will know.

Besides a catchy bio will ensnare more followers.

Try to avoid mentions of cats, coffee, and the word “aspiring” since nearly everyone does that.

Instead, here’s one approach, consider playing with famous writing-related quotes and mix them up a bit. Here’s one example.

Ideas find you. Good! Where?

Then you can add in something witty like …

Small, Medium At-Large

If for example, you wish to present yourself to the writing world as a height-challenged, prison escapee/fortune teller.

NB: There’s no need whatsoever to include your name, even the smallest part of it, in your bio. Everyone knows your name — imaginary name or otherwise — already. That’s cuz it’s in the name part of your profile.

However, in the exception that proves the rule, if your name is “Scat ‘Night-Soil’ Coprolite” definitely mention that twice.

Picture

Blurry is bad, except of course if you’re actually out of focus in real life (I’m tryna consider all the possibilities here and be inclusive.)

Letters are worse, especially blurry letters which seem like all the rage.

How about a decent picture of you? Preferably taken sometime after Abe Lincoln vacated the White House.

If there are no decent pics of you — and trust me, as a lifelong picture-geeker, I get it — then a cool image (and not of your fucking cat) will do.

Story

You’re on your own here, but this is a platform for reading and WRITING. So, if you’re tryna con others with the bullshit that you’re a writer, write something.

In a pinch, IKEA furniture assembly instructions will do. They’re unintelligible anyway, but if you want to avoid all potential lawsuits, use Google Translate and have them translated into any still-more-unintelligible dialect — Alabaman will do — and publish that shit.

If you need any further guidance on this tough topic please call my office at 1–800-E-A-T-S-H-I-T and I’ll be happy to consult. My fees start at $666 an hour with a 4-hour minimum.

Cheers!