Best Grub Options After a Night of Drinking
Who Says the Debauchery Has to End?
Let’s set the scene, shall we?
You’ve cut yourself off from drinking any more alcohol for the night, or maybe you’ve been cut off. Either way.
The bar’s signaled “last call”, the party has ended, or a show you attended let out — whatever your drinking arrangement was.
It’s 3am. You’re wasted and starving.
But first let me interrupt with a PSA:
#1) Somebody’s ass better be the designated driver if you’re beyond walking distance from home or an eatery. If you have to end up barfing in your best friend’s car, it’s all good — better that than regurgitating your own steering wheel and windshield.
#2) When you eventually acquire food to gorge, try to drink equal parts water with it in relation to how much alcohol you imbibed. Fuck what experts say, it helps prevent hangovers for me.
With that understood, here’s a top 3 list of foods you should eat to soak your liquored potbelly in ecstasy:
#3) Bagels
I’m at a geographical advantage living in NYC because I can find access to 24-hour bagel shops. They’re few and far between, but they’re here. If you don’t got it like that, even toasting a frozen bagel at home is fine.
There’s no better way to cheat on a diet and kiss your inhibitions goodbye than mowing a crispy yet fluffy New York everything-bagel during the witching hour. All that glorious seasoned dough will absorb those pints and shots with a smile like SpongeBob.
Back in the early 2000s, we had a spot in Queens that made the best bagels in human history. The perfect stop for a night cap. Unfortunately it swiftly took a dip in quality after changing owners, long before it had a famous “rat incident” to boot.
For shame.
#2) Taco Bell
You know what? Any time’s a great time to make a run for The Border. Even more so when you’re hammered.
The lobby may not be open at that time, but Taco Bell usually lets drive-thru business carry on later into the night. You should be in luck.
I recommend grabbing burritos — 7-layer — strategically going for the heavier stuff. Sure, those crusty chalupas will get the job done too as opposed to getting tacos (unless they’re soft-shelled). I don’t know, there’s something off-putting about crunching a hard taco shell while drunk.
Don’t cross too far over The Border, though, because your abdomen and butt-hole will regret it. Pace yourself.
#1) White Castle
The sorcery involved in conjuring “The Crave” in an intoxicated individual is Merlin-level.
There’s no doubt about it, your best move is to ‘Rold & Kumar your ass to White Castle to properly end a night of drinking.
I don’t have personal experience with getting munchies from herb like the duo in the movie, but while being drunk I’ve been hypnotically drawn in similar fashion to those enchanting mushy sliders. Not to mention the scientific enigmas — White Castle chicken rings. How can they be both juicy and bone dry at the same time?!
White Castle was made by gods under the influence. I’m convinced. Don’t agree? Try eating it sober. It’s no where near being the same sensual encounter.
In Conclusion
Just because you have to drink responsibly doesn’t necessarily mean you have to eat responsibly in the process. Follow your beer-bloated heart’s desire when it’s time to tap out for the night. And with these three suggestions, you can’t go wrong!
Thank you so much for reading.
If you dug this piece, please feel free to buy me a coffee.
Become a Medium subscriber and help out your boy at the same time. Much appreciated!
Hit me up on Twitter.
Stay powerful!
At TBI we need everyone to incite change. We support artists and creativity wherever and whenever we can. Help us put a little money in our writers’ pockets. More donations = higher $$ prizes. The more you donate the more our writers (and editors) get paid. The Dark Lord appreciates it.