Best Breakup Songs Based on the 5 Stages of Grief
I found solace in music
Losing loved ones — family or friends, husbands, and wives — is one of the hardest things we have to live through as human beings. However, losing a child, which I did nearly three years ago, is beyond comprehension. My grief is well illustrated in the above meme. We grow around it, but the suffering doesn’t go away.
There is no playlist for that.
I suffered another significant loss the previous year. It was the breakup with my partner of eight years. One moment we’re a “we,” and the next moment, we speak to each other as if we’re enemies or strangers. He dumped me at a very unexpecting moment, and…
It still hurts to this day, and life has been a struggle without his help and support that now seemingly never existed. I’ve faced many struggles and losses since then on my own. Has it made me a stronger person? I guess. But I didn’t want to be this strong. Hell, I can’t even cry anymore. But that could be due to my mood stabilizer.
There is a playlist for how I felt the first year after our breakup.
During that time, I was a raving lunatic, either sad or mad. One night I said something on Facebook that alerted one person I might harm myself, then I heard a knock on the door. It was the Albuquerque Police doing a “wellness check.” They don’t show up for far worse things. I was pretty surprised. They also showed up upon the finding of my son’s body. At least they’re effective at showing compassion.
Let’s briefly recount the five stages of grief, according to Elizabeth Kubler Ross:
- Denial — Survival Mode. You’re in a state of shock.
- Anger — You are really feeling the loss.
- Bargaining — “I’ll do anything you want,” or “if only I had…”
- Depression — Empty feelings, “what’s the point?”
- Acceptance — Accepting the reality that they’re gone.
This is the music I listened to in getting through the crisis and classified under the five stages. And it’s not schmaltz like “Breaking Up is Hard To Do!” My favorites are in boldface type.
Denial
I have nothing. I was in survival mode. I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t have time either, for he rushed me out. However, one song kind of defines this period of time: “Nowhere to Run” by Martha and the Vandellas. I eventually chose to move to New Mexico. The openness of it was the exact opposite of Chicago. So you might as well shake things up.
Anger
Boy, do I have a list for this! I spent more time in this mode than any of the others. Here we go:
- “Rolling in the Deep” — Adele
- “Only a Memory” — The Smithereens
- “It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay” — Whitney Houston
- “What Have I Done to Deserve This” — Pet Shop Boys with Dusty Springfield
- “Take the L” — The Motels
- “You Oughta Know” — Alanis Morissette (“the mess you left when you went away…”)
- “I Hate Myself for Loving You” — Joan Jett
Bargaining
Four years later, I figured out why he may have done what he did. It wasn’t all his fault. It would be interesting to know if I’m right, but he won’t talk to me.
- “Everything I Own” — Bread and Boy George
- “Oh Me, Oh My” — Lulu. I put this one here because it was our song.
- “Shining Light” — Annie Lennox. He always said I was his “shining light.” I thought I’d find a glimmer again.
Depression
Like I said earlier, I was usually sad or mad. If only I’d gotten some Glad Bags!
- “Didn’t We Almost Have It All” — Whitney Houston
- “We All Sleep Alone” — Cher
- “Missing You” — John Waite
Acceptance
It has only been in the past year that I have felt at peace. I am now ready to meet someone new. The thing is, I’m not having much luck.
- “I’m Gonna Be Strong” — Cyndi Lauper
- “I Will Always Love You” — Whitney Houston
- “I Will Survive” — Gloria Gaynor (of course!)
- “Believe” — Cher
- “You Learn” — Alanis Morissette
- “Every day is a Winding Road” — Sheryl Crow
- “Only the Lonely” — The Motels
- “Extraordinary” — Liz Phair
So what now? Dating sucks. It’s the same introduction, over and over. It’s not like work; it is work. It’s not going well, either. I hate everybody. (I know, that kind of attitude will get me nowhere!)
Here are a couple of other tidbits from Arthur Keith in The Riff:
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