What’s the Best NFL Head Coaching Job Available, and Is It Already Filled?

The Dallas Cowboys hired Mike McCarthy, and Washington made their choice, too. But was either of those NFL head coaching jobs even the best one on the market?

IT WAS A WILD WEEKEND OF PLAYOFF FOOTBALL, with four one-score games and two that went to overtime. And yet, on the day after the best Wildcard Game weekend in recent memory, the NFL is abuzz with coaching chatter about one team that didn’t even make the playoffs. The Dallas Cowboys finally fired Jason Garrett Sunday, right in the middle of their rival’s playoff game, with Garrett’s permission apparently, and they had already replaced him first thing Monday morning.

But were the Dallas Cowboys the best head coaching job available? What about the other two openings right there in the NFC East in Washington in New York, or what about the disaster that is the Cleveland Browns? What is the best available coaching job in professional football?

We can only consider the actual jobs available, unfortunately. Somehow that does not include the Detroit Lions after two failed Matt Patricia seasons or the New York Jets after Adam Gase did nothing to move that young team forward. It doesn’t include the Falcons, Chargers, Jaguars, or Texans either, and it probably should have. That’s an article for another day.

In real life, there are just five NFL head coaching jobs open — and two of them have already been filled. So which available coaching job is the best? Let’s run them down from worst to first…

5. Washington Haskins

This is without question the worst NFL job available. But it’s not just the worst NFL coaching job available — it’s probably the worst NFL coaching job period. If you ranked every NFL coaching job from 1 to 32, the Washington job would probably come out 33rd. It is a death wish.

The only reason this ranks at all is because there are only 32 NFL head coaching jobs in the world at any given time so, you know, economics, supply and demand, etc. If you’re desperate enough for an head coaching job in the NFL, then this apparently qualifies as it.

So why is the Washington job so bad?

Well, for starters, I have to call it “the Washington job” because their team name is so badly outdated and racist that I’ve resorted to calling them the Haskins all season.

And then there’s Haskins. Dwayne Haskins, that is. He’s your quarterback, and he was absolutely awful as a rookie. He completed under 60% of his passes with a pathetic 5.9 adjusted yards per attempt, throwing seven interceptions in seven games and somehow taking 29 sacks. But you’re stuck with Haskins whether you like it or not, because teams don’t invest #1 picks in franchise quarterbacks and then turn on them after one season. So you’re stuck developing Haskins, whether there’s anything there to develop or not.

Of course, you’re forgiven if you don’t believe in Haskins. Word on the street is that most of the rest of the organization didn’t either, but that didn’t stop Dan Snyder from overruling everyone and pushing the franchise to take the local kid in a feeble-minded effort to sell tickets to a fan base that stopped caring many, many years ago.

Oh, right, Dan Snyder. Of course, he’s the real reason this job is so terrible. By almost any measure, Snyder is one of the worst owners in professional sports. He is awful and cheap and terrible, and he is your boss now. Yay! At least you don’t have to deal with Bruce Allen anymore.

Washington has very little talent on offense and not much more on defense, though they do have the #2 pick. Hopefully that turns into stud Ohio State pass rusher Chase Young, though you really never know with this team. Plus, if the Bengals take Young first, Washington will be staring at Joe Burrow at #2, unable to take him because they just drafted a local kid that can’t play quarterback a year ago.

Almost everything about this franchise is an abject disaster. It barely even qualifies as a professional head coaching job.

Washington has already hired Ron Rivera, and he has a great history of changing the culture. He’s going to need to do it again.

4. New York Giants

The Giants don’t deserve to be ranked right next to Washington, but someone had to be next.

There’s plenty to like about the Giants. They’re a major market team with plenty of money and a large, loyal fan base. New York has good, stable ownership. They have one of the most exciting young non-QBs in football in star running back Saquon Barkley. They’re also ready to turn to a new chapter in the franchise after finally moving on from Eli Manning.

You can decide for yourself whether the man they’re moving on to is a pro or a con. Daniel Jones as a draft pick was the laughingstock of the NFL Draft last spring, but Daniel Jones the rookie quarterback was kinda pretty okay. He completed over 62% of his passes for over 10 yards per completion. He surpassed 3000 yards in 12 games and piled up 24 touchdowns compared to just 12 interceptions. Jones also proved himself to be a more than capable scrambler and had a fourth quarter comeback and two game-winning drives. The fumbles are a big problem, and he took a lot of sacks, but those are fixable rookie mistakes. All things considered, it looks like there’s something there.

So why aren’t the Giants ranked higher?

The expectations will be rough. New York fans expect a winner. They expect you to go out and sneak into the playoffs with your mediocre 6-seed team and luck into four wins and a Super Bowl with a non-Hall-of-Fame quarterback. There’s a standard to live up to here. New York burned through Pat Shurmur and Ben McAdoo the last four years, giving them two years each. And… they apparently don’t have very good judgment choosing a coach, so why are they picking you?

But the real problem, until he is gone, is Dave Gettleman. You know how this is the era of advanced analytics and Next Gen stats? Don’t tell Dave. Gettleman still lives in yesteryear, in a world where you need to establish the run and where a run-first offense opens up the defense and how defense wins football and a million other football cliches. Gettleman is the one that invested the #2 pick in a running back when everyone everywhere was screaming otherwise, and he’s the one who forced the team to draft Jones at #6 when they might have traded down or gotten him at #17.

Dave Gettleman is still the Giants general manager, and as long as that’s true, he’s going to give this team the wrong ingredients. As Giants great Bill Parcells once said, “If they want you to cook the dinner, at least they ought to let you shop for some of the groceries.”

You don’t get to pick the groceries. You might get some spicy talent, but you might be left with day-old Ramen too, and you’ve only got a couple years in a tough division to figure it out. Good luck.

3. Carolina Panthers

It’s appropriate that the Panthers rank right in the middle of the list, because this is more of a question mark than anything else.

Far more than any other job on the list, the Panthers offer a blank slate. Second-year owner David Tepper is still a relative unknown. Unknown is scary, but compared to the other options on this list, the unknowns here are mostly comforting.

The Panthers moved on from Ron Rivera early this year, and they certainly appear ready to move on from Cam Newton. That leaves this team with no semblance of a starting quarterback on the roster, and that, of course, is the most important position in football.

But maybe it’s better to start fresh at quarterback than to be stuck with the Russell Westbrook of QBs that dictates everything else about the offense, or with a young guy you didn’t draft but are stuck developing. Again, a blank slate can be good.

Blank slates buy time, too. No one can reasonably expect the Panthers to be great next season. But they can be competent. They have one of the best all-around weapons in football in Christian McCaffrey. Add in stud linebacker Luke Kuechly and talented players like D.J. Moore, Curtis Samuel, Shaq Thompson, and others and there’s plenty to build on here.

The Panthers pick #7 in a QB-rich draft, so maybe there will be a chance to draft just-declared Tua Tagovailoa, or perhaps another option at #7 or #37. There are options here and some real building blocks. You may not know much yet, but that’s not always a bad thing.

2. Cleveland Browns

I understand if you think the Browns are one or two spots too high (there’s no argument against Washington though, sorry). Cleveland has been a disaster of a franchise ever since returning from exile. They’ve had three coaches since 2018 alone and six in the last eight years. It’s a young, undisciplined team with a ton of work to do, and the Haslems are among the worst owners in sports, a laughingstock at every turn.

The Browns haven’t been over .500 for a single second at any point in time since December 2014. They’ve averaged just 4.8 wins per season in 21 years since their return. They finished top-two in the division twice in that span and made the playoffs once, losing immediately. The Browns won only six games this year — but that was their seventh most wins in that entire 21-year period. They are one of the biggest disasters in sports.

But just look at that roster. Baker Mayfield was the #1 pick one year ago and had one of the greatest rookie quarterback seasons ever before a huge sophomore regression. Odell Beckham Jr. is one of the most talented receivers in NFL history. Nick Chubb is one of the best young backs in the game, and Jarvis Landry and David Njoku round out a heck of a potential offense. The defense has some serious holes, but Denzel Ward and and Myles Garrett are incredible, franchise-changing talents. On paper, this is at least a top-10 roster in the NFL. Probably top five.

Of course, most of that roster was compiled by John Dorsey, and he’s gone now, yet another confusing, awkward Browns exit. That’s unfortunate because Dorsey is legitimately good at his job, but it’s not the worst thing in the world to start fresh and pair a new coach with a new GM, getting everyone on the same page. Moneyball dude Paul DePodesta is still around to provide some direction and continuity, too.

There’s a chance this could end really poorly. Just ask Freddie Kitchens or Hue Jackson or Mike Pettine or Rob Chudzinski or Pat Shurmur (again?!) or Eric Mangini or… you know what, maybe you should just check the Wikipedia yourself. That’s just the last decade — seriously — and the list of failed Browns coaches is almost as long as the list of their failed quarterbacks.

But Baker Mayfield is not one of those failed quarterbacks. He’s cocky and brash and needs to grow up, sure, but he has the talent to change everything now that he’s been put in his place a bit. So do the other players on this team. They’re too good to continue to fail and fail and fail again.

And if you pull this thing off, you are a LEGEND. Look at how Cleveland reveres the 2016 Cavs for their one year of success against decades of failure. Look at how the Chicago Cubs adore Joe Madden and Theo Epstein and all the players from that 2016 title team. The Browns have Chicago Cubs upside. If you’re the coach that finally figures this thing out, you are a legend.

Many have tried, and many have failed. Fine, all have failed.

But you’re not many. You’re you.

You ready?

1. Dallas Cowboys

And still, there at the top of the list, are the Dallas Cowboys.

The Cowboys were a 12-win team masquerading as an 8–8 squad under Jason Garrett. They had a top-three DVOA offense all season and feature Dak Prescott, Ezekiel Elliott, and Amari Cooper. They’re not quite Aikman, Emmitt, and Irvin, but that’s a heck of a trio nonetheless. How many NFL teams have better QB-RB-WR triplets right now if you had your pick of any roster? Are there five? Less than five?

Dallas is loaded, arguably as much as any team in the NFC. They should’ve been playing yesterday, and they probably would’ve beaten the Seahawks too, at least if you were coaching. The offensive line is no longer the best in the NFL but it’s still very good, and there’s still a lot of talent on defense.

Of course… it’s the Dallas Cowboys. It’s Jerry Jones press conferences every week and Jerry World on Sundays and an absolute media circus. You will be questioned at every turn and undermined at many of them. Jerry will do what he wants. He always does. He’s going to weigh on on the draft and player management and team direction.

But he’s also going to stand by you. Just ask Jason Garrett, who somehow lasted at least five years too long. When Jerry gets his guy, he keeps him. Money is not an issue for Jerry Jones. So what if Dak Prescott needs a new contract? Jerry can give him a blank check. He’s never been afraid to pay up to help this team compete, and he’s not about to start now.

And remember that ugly list of Browns coaches? Maybe I can interest you in another list. Tom Landry. Bill Parcells. Jimmy Johnson. Super Bowl champions, all of them. And now you. The Cowboys have so much history I didn’t even have to list all of their Super Bowl winning coaches. Sorry, Barry Switzer.

Jerry Jones makes this job a circus, but you get to be the head ringmaster. Have you *seen* The Greatest Showman?! This is the greatest show!!

Of course, before I could publish this, the Cowboys went out and made their hire, and it was… uninspiring?

It’s not Lincoln Riley or Urban Meyer or Nick Saban. It’s not a trade for Sean Payton or another coaching giant. It’s… Mike McCarthy??

Look, I get it. McCarthy technically won a Super Bowl, and he has a pretty strong record thanks to spending his entire coaching career with two Hall of Fame quarterbacks in Green Bay.

But I’m a diehard Vikings fan, and I have to tell you, as terrifying as it has been to see #12 on the field against the Vikes all these years, nothing is quite as much a relief as the camera panning to Mike McCarthy on the sidelines. Every year the Packers disappointed yet again in the playoffs, I would cross my fingers and wait and hope McCarthy kept his job, and every year he was back for more. As long as Mike McCarthy was around, I knew the Packers would never quite reach their full Aaron Rodgers potential. There was comfort in Mike McCarthy.

Last year, McCarthy finally got canned after starting 4–7–1. This year the Packers went 13–3 without him. So the guy the Cowboys just rushed to hire less than 24 hours after firing their old coach left his team last year and THEY IMPROVED BY NINE GAMES WITHOUT HIM. Wowza.

The Cowboys interviewed a whopping two candidates. Apparently McCarthy had a sleepover at Jerry’s house Saturday night — when Garrett was technically still the coach — and Jones just wouldn’t let him get away.

Creepy.

Supposedly McCarthy has spent the year off reforming, visiting the Pro Football Focus guys, embracing all the analytics and futuristic stuff that have sent the Baltimore Ravens to the top of the league this season. Maybe so. I’ll believe it when I see it.

Until then, it sure seems like the Dallas Cowboys finally fired Jason Garrett after all these years only to give the best available job in football to… Jason Garrett!

Guess it really is Jerry’s World after all. We’re all just living in it. ■

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