TRYING2️⃣UNDERSTAND

Benefits of Impostor Syndrome and Lack of Confidence

It is not as black and white as it seems at first

For most of my life, I have had substantial issues with communication, especially public presenting.

Recently I read a thought-provoking blog post that led me to a deeper deliberation. The author claimed: “… we don’t trust ourselves enough, we don’t believe ourselves enough. Our life taught us that.”

That line woke me up. A thought flashed through my mind: “That can not be that wrong!”

Life has taught me never to trust myself completely. I constantly need to prove myself right. Now I realized that this might even be just OK. It is an extreme — one part of the whole that draws me to the opposite (because I am not balanced).

On the other side — or pole, I see competence, confidence, and a firm belief in one’s own right — something I seriously lack.

How can that be OK?

I am slowly starting to understand that the solution is not on the other side. It lies in between, in balancing both opposites. And it sounds much like the Principle of Duality.

I never thought about it that way until now. But being aware of my incompetence, I consequentially seek evidence and gain experience. I continuously check my views and beliefs to prove them solid. And that way, I am creating an insanely strong foundation for competence.

When someone conflicts with my beliefs, while I re-evaluate my facts if something needs correction, I can also quickly sense one’s involvement with the topic and his due diligence.

The right path will take its time

I firmly believe that when I find myself at (one of) the extremes, the right path towards balance will take more time. If I don’t trust both extremes, if the one I am at looks like a curse, I might let go of that one (too) quickly, lose faith in it, and swing to the other side.

Still, the first extreme simultaneously — in my case, continuous doubt and lack of self-trust — is precisely what makes me better, more authentic, and convinced.

Sure, turning away from the problem is not the solution. The correct choice is to trust the (learning) process, the perseverance, and a slow movement toward the balance of both extremes.

Undoubtedly, the path is long and unpleasant. Instant quick shifts to the opposite extreme are not the solution. (Good) learning tends to be slower and more detailed. On that road, the curse becomes a superpower.

It happens due to not losing faith in the former extreme completely. I began to understand that it is neither wrong nor missed but critical for maintaining balance with the latter extreme, to which I am getting drawn.

Like with electric current — the negative pole is neither wrong, bad ‘negative’ nor evil, but critical for the whole electricity to exist.

Why do I believe in that? Because I have and am continuously testing it on myself. When I understand, I become competent in a specific field — and no force, authority, or anything can stop me! Except for my doubt, of course. ;)

Everything is as it needs to be

Only now have I realized I don’t need to chase my self-confidence. I don’t need to attend countless courses in rhetoric, public speaking, etc. Although, all of that is useful and serves its purpose well. But it needs to happen at the right time, without me rushing or chasing it.

The author of the blog post I mentioned at the beginning told me:

“You start to understand your role is to lead and influence others. You help solve problems and challenges of the world. You finally stop focusing on yourself, and the pressure eases. That’s when the rhetoric starts.”

And then it struck me. I should not run around ‘pushing things’ and ‘intervening’: Everything runs smoothly as long as I trust the process and do not interfere!