Bella-Shmoo, the Monkey-Faced Bunny Kitten

A snippet of her memoir

Hiya! My name is Bella, but everyone calls me Shmoo.

Papa chose my nickname because I remind him of those weird characters in the Lil’ Abner cartoons. I’m kind of round and I only have a little stub of a tail. Papa says it’s because I was the “runt”, but whatever, I don’t even know what that means.

People sometimes ask if my real name was inspired by the Twilight series, but Mama and Papa just roll their eyes.

I have lots of other nicknames, too: Monkey-faced Bunny Kitten, Peanut, Puddin’ Pie, Forever Kitten, Shmoo-rific, Shmoo-tastic, Shmoo-tato, (don’t even get them started on that train, because they can go on forever).

Have you heard the story about how my Bubba and I came to live with Mama and Papa? It’s a good one!

Bella finds her home

“A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly-revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?” — Mark Twain

Mama and Papa were living in North Carolina and they already had THREE indoor kitties. Bubba and I were unceremoniously dumped in their neighborhood — the audacity! — and we were vagabonds for a few days, begging food at various houses. That got old real quick, let me tell you!

One day, Bubba said “Hey! Let’s go to THAT place! I think that’s the one.” So we bopped up onto the big, shady front porch, and when Papa opened the door to get the paper, there we were, two tiny, disheveled kittens sitting on the welcome mat!

Papa went to the kitchen to get us some food, and when he brought it outside, he promptly locked himself out. In his sock feet and pajamas. With no cell phone. Fortunately, the big detached garage was unlocked, so we hung out there all day until Mama got home from work.

I remember Bubba and I were climbing all over him, perching on his shoulders and nuzzling his soft curly hair. Eventually, he wanted to get some work done, so he made us a little pen out of old bookcases and dusty crates. Little did he know, Bubba was already a good climber! He heard a loud and insistent “MEOW” and turned around to find Bubba trotting across the garage toward the workshop, tail held high.

There was initially some discussion about “finding a home for us”, but that lasted about two days. Mama kept waking up crying, worrying about us being separated.

(In case you haven’t realized it yet, Bubba is actually my brother — his real name is Buster, but when I was little, I couldn’t say Buster or brother, so I just called him Bubba. At least that’s what Mama says!)

Finally, Papa sighed and said to Mama, “We’re keeping them, aren’t we?” She nodded. And so we found our home.

Bella’s got it good

“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.” — James Herriot

Since we found Mama and Papa, we’ve lived in six different houses in six cities in three states, eventually landing in Ohio. Mama says we’re done moving, and I hope that’s true because I love our house! It has plenty of windows for bird watching. It needs more rugs though. Kitties don’t love hardwood floors. We want soft, cozy surfaces!

Papa says it’s a good thing Bubba was with me when we were on our own because he doesn’t think I have very good survival instincts. He says I’m “special”. He’s probably right. I’m a creature of comfort.

My favorite thing in the world is Couch Time. That’s when I get to sit right between my peeps while they watch TV. Sometimes Mama says she might like to sit next to Papa, but I just give her a look, and she knows that’s not gonna happen.

Chair Time is pretty great too. Papa sometimes plays video games after Mama goes to bed and I like to help him with the boss monster battles by head-butting the controller in solidarity. He makes some strange noises when I do that, so I’m sure he appreciates my assistance.

We get canned food twice a day, on saucers. Mama feeds us in the morning before she goes to work, and Papa feeds us at dinner time. We get kibble twice a day too, but in smaller amounts, because Bubba and I tend to be chubby.

Sometimes I don’t feel like eating breakfast, and Mama has to come looking for me. She scoops me up and carries me into the kitchen. Papa rolls his eyes and says I can walk on my own four feet and come to breakfast like a civilized kitty, but Mama always carries me anyway. She gets frustrated when I pretend to bury my food, but as she says, I can stand to miss a meal or two.

The Way of the Shmoo

“Never try to outstubborn a cat.” — Robert A. Heinlein

Papa calls me a funny little thing — I’m super sweet but I’m also quite stubborn, and I have some interesting habits.

I’m a consummate seat stealer. I’ll be lounging happily in one spot and as soon as a person stands up, I immediately move over to that seat. Everyone knows they have to be careful not to sit on me because I am FAST. When that person comes back and wants to sit down, I pretend I’m sleeping, like I’ve been there forever, and I don’t know what they’re talking about when they call me “seat stealer”.

When they move me so they can sit down again (some nerve!) I sulk. Papa said he’s never seen a cat who actually pouts before. They try to entice me to come back and hang out with them, but I turn my back and refuse to interact at all. Eventually, they give up, at which point I hop back up on the couch. Talk about a fun game!

Speaking of fun games, I also like to play “bird”. Well, mostly, I like to watch Papa wave the wand with the bird on a string while I lie on the floor and bat it half-heartedly as it flies by. Why exert too much energy? It’s not like I can actually eat the thing.

Mama’s great, but I’m a Papa’s Girl. Mama says I “imprinted” on him during our time in the garage together back in North Carolina. I like to crawl right up his chest, put my paws on his shoulders and gaze lovingly into his eyes. Sometimes I crawl up Mama’s chest too, but then I turn around so I can look at Papa and Mama just gets my butt-end. She usually shoves me off at that point and acts insulted — I don’t know why!

Letting her sniff my butt is a high honor, but she doesn’t seem to understand.

Bella the Forever Kitten

“There are no ordinary cats.” — Colette

Mama told me the other day that I have to live forever. I’m not sure what that means, but I don’t think anyone actually does it. I might look like a kitten, but I’m a grown girl, almost eleven years old!

I caught Mama crying one time and she told Papa she couldn’t imagine life without her kitties. We’ve already said goodbye to my two other bubbas, Nikoli and Tommy. They both had something called “cancer” and they got tired and weak and then eventually they went to the doctor’s office and never came back.

Mama and Papa cried a lot when that happened, so I tried extra-hard to comfort them. My big sis Emily is almost 18, and I know Mama worries about her too.

Mama and Papa say we are part of the family. They don’t have any human children, so we get all the attention!

Which is just the way Bella likes it. I am a spoiled Shmoo, after all!

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