Being Vulnerable Is a Smart Move, Not a Weakness
Though it may not feel natural to everyone
Vulnerability is not often seen as a strength. As kids, we were told that big girls/boys don’t cry as a form of comfort. If you want to be big and strong you have to wipe away your tears.
This stayed inside us and we still believe that crying is weakness, tough people don’t cry.
We were also taught to keep work life and home life separate. While that is a good idea to remain professional, there are times when it’s appropriate to share personal details.
Vulnerability is not limited to crying, there are other ways to show you are human.
Let’s say you are struggling to learn a new computer system at work. Everybody else seems to be picking it up quickly, with no complaints. Your self-doubt turns up the volume. You feel left behind and inadequate.
What’s the harm in being honest?
After some time, you want to speak up and ask for help understanding a few things. But fear has stopped you. So you keep playing along and as more time goes by, it gets harder to speak up. It’s a vicious cycle.
It’s a common fear we all have. Nobody likes to feel dumb, stupid, unfit, or look like a fool. Or deep fears like abandonment and disappointment. Professionally, we don’t want our boss to think we are unfit for our job.
We fear that being honest will make us seem weak.
Just the opposite, really.
When appropriate, letting others know that you are having a hard time will benefit you. Taking a minute to let your guard down will make you feel better, allow room for advice.
A courageous moment to show vulnerability
You’ve struggled with this new computer system so much that you feel like quitting your job. In a last-ditch effort, fueled by frustration, you say during a meeting, “I’m sorry, but I am having a hard time grasping the XYZ.”
A second goes by, and then a co-worker lets out a sigh of relief. Across the table, someone mutters, “Oh thank God.”
Looking around at your colleagues, where you expected anger and annoyance, you see relief and smiles. Janet finally says, “I haven’t understood the last few modules, I’ve been playing along hoping that it would start making sense again.”
She laughs and the whole group basically re-iterates their confusion with the system.
Moral(s) of that example story:
- speak up for yourself to avoid bigger problems later.
- Displaying vulnerability lets others open up as well.
- Computer systems are hard to learn. I haven’t had to learn a new system in 10 years, other than Photoshop, which I will never fully understand.
Why should I care about showing vulnerability?
Showing a vulnerable side increases your likeability. A study in social media shows that vulnerable comments performed better for the brand than neutral comments.
People relate to real, genuine people easier than a faceless company. When a big wig businessman comes down to a human level with jokes, or personal stories, we feel better connected.
Leaders of all types can benefit from showing their human side. Any position, even working from home, can be enhanced by displaying vulnerability.
How can I put this into action?
There are a few ways to do this, depending on your audience and your reason to do so.
- When the benefits of being open and honest outweigh the reasons to keep it to yourself.
- When you see an appropriate time to get something off your chest.
Consider the moments you think others are showing bravery. A game-changing act of admitting an uncomfortable truth is seen as courageous.
Admitting when you were wrong. That’s a tough one for some people. I know people that will take their wrong answers to the grave with them. Anything before saying “I was wrong.”
How refreshing it is to hear those words! Couple that with an “I’m sorry” and the world would be a better place. For sure.
When you think about being vulnerable in a professional setting, it’s best to be selective. Don’t be an emotional mess or fly off the handle. You still need to have a filter and be appropriate.
This is just a reminder that we are all human, so embrace your mistakes and flaws. Show the world what you have learned from your choices. Anything can be a lesson in life, and we shouldn’t hold back as much as we do.
Take small steps in revealing your unique vulnerabilities and you will be amazed at how many can relate.
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