Being Under Threat As An Ex-Scientologist

Why I write under a pseudonym.

I am not Hermione.

A rather self-aware, self-assured and, well, possibly self-incriminating pseudonym, but a pseudonym nonetheless.

I really am not her.

Many moons ago,

I was born into The Church of Scientology.

A religion or philosophy or cult or whatever that goes a mystery to most.

Then many other moons later…

I left.

Sorry Tom.

I went from proud Scientologist, to practitioner outside of its institute, to no longer a Scientologist, to now today —

anti-Scientology.

Because anti implies action.

And I want to actively take part in the dismantling of this abusive institute.

Scientology has been built on a foundation of abusive power dynamics.

Its structures manipulate a dependency from its practitioners onto the Church. Leading them to isolate from, be fearful of, and even assume a superiority over “the outside world”.

This is the dynamic I grew up in. This is the dynamic my entry to life was established upon.

Gaslit, brainwashed and bubbled.

Not by my parents. Not by any individual Church practitioner or staff.

But by the inherently abusive structures which inform the entirety of The Church of Scientology’s make-up.

And I want to write on my experience.

I want to write about how and why

my history with the Church had deeply embedded within my adult self: an avoided and shamed depression, unhealthy behavioural patterns, addiction to toxic relationships, and an aggressive self-loathing.

Maybe by way of me s̶p̶e̶a̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ freeing my truth — I will help to validate the experiences of others within similar cult-like circumstance.

And then for everyone else…

Well.

I’ll get to expose to you the realities within this oh so enigmatic institute.

Not even Louis Theroux could do that.

Here’s the kicker.

Not many institutes express the retaliation of a fragile-ego more so capriciously than The Church of Scientology.

They’ve threats more sinister than lawsuits.

If a known ex-Scientologist were to speak out unfavorably against the Church, either publicly online or privately to a loved one (especially if said loved one is a Scientologist) —

the Church will perceive this an attack.

And to “attack”, ie oppose them—

they will determine you an enemy of them.

And as enemy…

The Church will ban you from any further relationship with any other Scientologist whatsoever.

Be that your wife, your brother. A child, sister, maybe mother. Hell even your at work supervisor.

No matter the person, no matter how trivial or significant the connection — if they are a Scientologist and you have been declared an enemy of the Church, you will not be allowed a relationship with them any longer.

Scientology will label you a danger.

Not only to Scientologists, nor only to the friends and family whom you may love the most…

but to all human kind in general.

Imagine that weighing on your conscience.

Scientology calls this a:

Suppressive Person.

SUPPRESSIVE PERSON (SP):

A person who seeks to suppress, or squash, any betterment activity or group. A suppressive person suppresses other people in his vicinity. This is the person whose behaviour is calculated to be disastrous. The Suppressive Person is also known as the Anti-Social Personality. Within this category one finds Napoleon, Hitler, the unrepentant killer and the drug lord. But if such are easily spotted, if only from the bodies they leave in their wake, Anti-Social Personalities also commonly exist in current life and often go undetected.

That last sentence…

“commonly exist in current life and often go undetected.”

This subtle wording leaves so much room for intentionally grey area.

No matter how saintly one may have been up to this point…if one goes on to upset or “wrong” the Church, the Church has reserved the right, thanks to ambiguous phrasing, to declare anyone an SP.

Citing “they hid in the plain sight of their illusive good deeds all along.”

Any whistle blower is vulnerable to a defamation

No matter how lovely they m̶a̶y̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶m̶ ARE.

At this point in my journey,

I don’t think I’d entirely mind being declared an Enemy of the Church.

Ostracization from their organization is likely where final freedom from their mental clasps resides as they wash their hands of me.

But there is one high-stake I fickly wrestle with everyday, on and off the page. Even now as I write this.

It is my reason for feigning Hermione and dodging identity.

And that reason is—

my family.

Lifelong, dedicated, fully-immersed, seemingly happy, visually content — Scientologists.

To honor and speak my truth

would be to put mine and their relationship in jeopardy.

Not by choice of mine own, nor that of my family’s.

But solely by demand of The Church of Scientology.

If I am labelled an SP, my family will be left at a crossroad.

Or, as more accurately identified—

given an ultimatum.

ULTIMATUM: a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations.

They will be forced to choose between:

cutting all ties to me and keep their place within the Church or,

maintain our relationship but be just as ostracized from and defamed by the Church alongside me.

Scientology imposes that if one were to stay connected to a declared Suppressive Person, this will indicate you too to be “dangerous”.

My lovely family could be affiliated to Hitler’s ilk and declared Suppressive simply by association to me, their lovely kindred.

How fucking fucked is that.

Common practice within abuse is to isolate victims from their loved ones, thus creating greater dependency and a further submerged entrapment.

Scientology is no different.

Lulling practitioners into its bubble, leaving many fractured families in its wake.

It’s abusive.

And, rather ironically,

suppressive.

I do not want to pull the rug out from underneath my family, nor do I wish to impose on them any hugely life-altering position —

but it is also of utmost personal importance to me to speak out against my (and many unsuspecting others’) abuser.

My intention is for personal liberation, and collective validation.

And the best way I can facilitate doing so, whilst at the same time protect the autonomy of mine family’s — is by pseudonym.

I hope some day, dearest reader,

I will get to introduce myself to you properly.

But until then, Let it be known—

I am not Hermione.

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