Being True to Yourself:

Questions You Can Ask Yourself to Avoid Self-Betrayal

For many years, I led a double life.

I do not know how it began. Perhaps it started when I was being told too often as a child that the way I thought about things and the way I dressed was ‘wrong’ or not acceptable.

I was an awkward kid who had trouble fitting in.

Over time, I developed a facade and an ability to morph according to the crowd I was with. I wanted to be all things to all people so I could win all of them. I wanted to be the ‘model’ student, Christian, daughter, and friend.

I worked hard to keep this facade. I denied how I truly felt about things. I kept quiet though I disagreed. I followed the crowd though I would have preferred a different path. I looked to others for approval and direction.

The word betrayal, in its original usage, means to “mislead, deceive and delude”. I was unable to show the world who I was inside and misled and deceived them about who I actually was. I was also afraid deep inside that should people know who I was, I would be rejected.

But the most painful thing was that I was betraying myself. My words and actions consistently denied myself — I denied my personality, my needs and wants, and dreams.

Each time I did something I did not want to do or did not do something I wanted to do, said something I did not mean or did not say something I meant — I was stabbing myself in my heart.

Then finally, one day, I cracked.

I could deceive my mind but my body would no longer take the betrayal. It stopped functioning, burnt out from the effort it took to be someone else other than myself.

I no longer wanted the Shuyi in her private world to be a separate character from the Shuyi in real life.

And there and then I started a journey, one in which I am still traveling on, to become truer to myself.

Along the way, I learned that we can be true to ourselves in different ways and the following questions are some I came up with that helped me evaluate how I was doing in this journey.

Personality

Being true to your essential nature within

• Is who you portray yourself to be before others, who you understand yourself to be inside?
• Are you one person in private and another in public?
• Do you say what you believe to be true or do you say what you believe others want to hear?

Body

Being true to your physical being and your health

• How comfortable are you with your own body? Are there parts of it that you do not like or are afraid to look at?
• Have you learned to accept and love the body that you have, independent of how others view and rate it?
• How much of your wardrobe are items that you like and chose for yourself? How much are what others say you look good in but perhaps you may not really like?

Career

Being true to your aspirations and calling in life

• Is the work you are doing generally what you like? There is no perfect job but does its rewards outweigh its sacrifices?

Lifestyle

Being true to your preferred way of living

• What percentage of your activities are obligations and what percentage are things you really want to do?
• What kind of space and environment do you prefer? And how does it compare to where you currently live?

Possessions

Being true to what you own

• Are the things you keep, the things you want? Or afraid to throw?
• Do you make space for things you want by removing things you do not want?

Relationships

Being true to the people around you

• How many of your friends are those you have chosen for yourself because you like them?
• Do you maintain and develop friendships with like-hearted and minded people?
• Are you in the relationship status that you currently prefer at this point in your life? If not, what is stopping you from pursuing what you want?