Being Trans in a World of Mirrors and Magnifying Glasses

Summary

Emma Holiday discusses the profound internal and external challenges faced by transgender individuals, emphasizing the need for self-acceptance and community support in the face of societal ignorance and personal struggle.

Abstract

The article "Being Trans in a World of Mirrors and Magnifying Glasses" by Emma Holiday delves into the intensified self-criticism and self-hate often experienced within the transgender community, which Holiday attributes to a combination of personal gender dysphoria and societal misunderstanding. Holiday reflects on the transgender journey as one marked by an "Olympics of internal pain and external vulnerability," citing the pervasive feelings of doubt, confusion, shame, guilt, anger, and fear that accompany gender dysphoria. The article acknowledges the alarming statistic that 40% of transgender individuals attempt suicide, highlighting recent violent attacks against transgender people, including the assault on Laverne Cox. Despite these challenges, Holiday celebrates the resilience, love, and support found within the transgender community, urging individuals to reject distorted societal reflections and self-criticism in favor of embracing their inherent beauty and worth.

Opinions

The transgender experience is characterized by heightened internal pain and external vulnerability compared to the cisgender population.
Society's mirrors and magnifying glasses distort transgender individuals' self-perception, often magnifying their insecurities and contributing to feelings of ugliness and unworthiness.
The transgender community is recognized for its strength, love, and mutual support, with individuals often putting aside their own struggles to help one another.
There is a call to action for transgender individuals to stop using distorted mirrors and magnifying glasses to critique themselves and to recognize their deep, heartfelt beauty.
The author's writings serve therapeutic, educational, and community-building purposes: to process personal thoughts, to connect with and support other transgender individuals, and to foster understanding and acceptance among the cisgender population.

Don’t let the flawed reflections of an ignorant society magnify any doubt in your very personal beauty.

“Being transgender is the Olympics of internal pain and external vulnerability.”

As I have journeyed on my own torturous path of transgender discovery, and read and heard the journeys of others, I’ve felt saddened to begin seeing a pattern of self-criticism and self-hate that seems far greater than that experienced by the majority of the cisgender population.

Everyone has moments of self-criticism and self-hate. They can be even more painful if parents, siblings or friends highlight your own perceived weaknesses. That kind of negative attention takes the extra rawness and makes it throb inside our soul. We are all forced to find ways to deal with it and survive; it gives psychiatrists, psychologists and bartenders job security.

But being transgender seems to be the Olympics of internal pain and external vulnerability. Over the last three years I have experienced the transgender gauntlet of gender dysphoria in all its glory. It is an inescapable experience of doubt, confusion, shame, guilt, anger and fear, churning 24/7 in your head. When you have gender dysphoria, the frightening statistic that 40% of transgender people attempt suicide suddenly makes sense.

The recent assault on Laverne Cox and the murders of so many transgender people this year brings painfully home our own vulnerabilities. We are attacked, both inside and out, by a world of mirrors and magnifying glasses. Mirrors that reflect our ugliness — as the world sees us. The critical scrutiny of magnifying glasses held by others. Even more painful are the mirrors and magnifying glasses that we hold to ourselves. The additional judgements and criticisms from the world can crush an already fragile sense of self-esteem.

But that is why I love my transgender community even more.

Putting aside the sometimes-rancorous political debates and occasional selfish pettiness that comes from frustration and personal pain, we are such a loving, selfless, supportive, tough group of people. We are survivors. In some of my darkest moments, others have put aside their own pain to take a moment to simply help me up. I have tried to do the same for others.

What a remarkable group of people!

We, as transgender individuals, need to stop looking in these distorted mirrors, and we need to stop using magnifying glasses to look for imperfections. We are unnecessarily hurting and criticizing ourselves. Ours is a beauty that runs deep through our hearts and souls. Don’t let the flawed reflections of an ignorant society magnify any doubt in your very personal beauty.

It is time to throw away the magnifying glass, and find a better mirror.

You are beautiful.

Emma Holiday

Writers note: If you have read any of my writings on Medium you will have noticed a definite theme: the incredible pain of gender dysphoria and all the difficult aspects of just being transgender.

My writing has three specific goals:

1. Writing is my therapy. I have a very limited outlet for my thoughts so I write to find a way to process the most profound experience in my life. I need to understand and I need to accept myself to move forward.

2. Being transgender, for me, is a very lonely existence and if I can share some of the things that I feel and think as I go through the process of transitioning with others who are transgender and, in some way, lessen their pain and sense of loneliness, then all of this public exposure of my personal thoughts is not a waste.

3. I write to help cisgender people understand that all trans people want is to be simply understood, accepted and treated as a normal people. We are.

Thank you for reading my work.