Being There for my mother-in-law is a memory I will Cherish
I will never forget her
Before my wife and I were married, she lived in the family home, with her two older sisters and a younger brother. The family worked together as caregivers of their mom.
Taking care of their mom was challenging. As anyone who has a family member with late-stage Alzheimer’s knows all too well. The family worked together as a team and did an amazing job.
She couldn’t do anything on her own
Confined to a wheelchair, mom couldn’t do anything on her own, and when I say “ anything,” that’s exactly what I mean. My brother-in-law was an important part of the team. His job was to pick mom up and put her wherever she needed to be.
February 2017, I left Minneapolis to be with Olivia. We got married on September 10th. It was a slow process getting to know my new family. Olivia’s younger brother accepted me right off the bat.
He was a good guy and a big help to his sisters
We got to know each other, and we enjoyed talking. When my brother-in-law died there was a void in the family. we all missed him.
I wasn’t asked, but I jumped in to try to fill the void left by my brother-in-law. I had no idea how much work it would be.
It was a lot of work, and I’m glad I was there to help
Olivia and I would get up early in the morning and drive to the house to help get mom out of bed. I would help pick mom up to place her on the portable toilet. I then would wait in the living room until she was done.
I would hold her while her daughters cleaned her up. I would help get her in the wheelchair and wheel her to the living room. In the living room, I would help her get in her chair.
My wife stayed all-day
My wife would stay all day to help take care of her. I would come back in the evening to take her home. There were times when I had to go to the house late to help put mom to bed.
There were times I was alone with mom while the sisters were doing chores that needed to get mom ready for bed. I would sit with her. There were times she would talk, not to me, and she seemed to appreciate me sitting there.
It was hard work, but I needed it, my self-worth was still pretty low after almost two years of homelessness. The family appreciated my help and helping with mom helped me more than anyone knew.
“ Where’s that white man?”
Mom knew I was around, when I left the house she would ask, “ Where that white man at?” I got a kick out of that when I heard it. One night, when I was in the bedroom with her, I found a Black Gospel channel on a music service on my phone.
Mom sat transfixed, humming along with the music. That lead to the idea I had of reading to her. We found some magazines lying around. Mom sat watching as I read to her.
I read children’s books to her on the porch
“ I bet she would enjoy children’s books.” I thought one day. My wife and I went to the library and checked out a handful of books. We would wheel mom outside to the porch where I would read to her.
I was there to witness the final stages of Alzheimer’s. She deteriorated so fast. One afternoon she started choking. We called 911. She never came home.
I remember fighting back the tears at the funeral service. I wished that I could have moved to South Carolina a few years earlier. I saw flashes of what she was like before Dementia took hold. It would have been nice to have gotten to know her before.
I know that she was a fine woman because she and her husband raised their children to be amazing adults. I also believe that she will know me when we meet again in the next life.
I can’t explain it. There is something special about caring for someone with such a terrible disease. I helped mom and the family, but I helped me as well.
I will never forget you, Mrs. Reeves.
