Being Queer is Nothing Special

How my new country taught me not to treat it as such — and why I’m so thankful it did

I’m queer and none of my Medium readers and followers knew it. Until now.

That’s because it’s nowhere to be seen in my description, my name, or the topics I write about.

My avid readers may have noticed that in one of my articles, I refer to my partner as “my fiancée”, but that’s the only hint of my sexuality I’ve ever published.

And no one ever commented on it.

Until now.

You see, my new country taught me a valuable lesson.

To treat my queerness like something ordinary. Because it is.

In my home country, I was closeted. I hated the idea of my sexuality being anything other than straight. So much so that I tried to hide my real sexuality from myself, too.

I watched videos of men, trying to convince myself to like them. I dated men repeatedly. I wanted to have a normal life; none of that queer nonsense. A normal life.

I saw what happened to queer people, and I didn’t want this for myself. So I tried hard. Very hard. And for a long time, I believed I succeeded.

Fast forward to 2019. I moved to Germany.

As I wanted to perfect my German by speaking no other language, I moved to a small town in Germany, where no one spoke any English.

It seemed more like a village than a town to me, coming from a capital city, so I had no incentives to show my true colors. I did what I knew best; play straight, in private and in public.

Eventually, my ambitions and dreams brought me to a big city.

That’s when I decided to finally let go of my mask. I joined the local queer community and my transformation began.

I revealed my true sexuality and tasted true freedom for the first time in my life. And that freedom made me flourish everywhere. My life has never been better, and I found the woman of my dreams.

But what I’m most thankful for is that this place taught me that my sexuality is normal.

You see, in my new city, I never went around telling people how queer I was. I just treated my queerness the way I treated my fake straight sexuality back home.

When anyone asked about my love life, I never made it sound like anything special, as in, “I’m dating a woman, you know”, or “I’m a lesbian” or anything similar. I didn’t shy away nor think twice about what to say or how to say it.

I talked about it exactly like a straight person would, only replacing “boyfriend” with “girlfriend”.

And guess what? People treated it exactly like a straight love affair. Nobody asked any extra questions, or treated me any differently. Nobody.

I had what I’d always dreamed of; a normal life without compromises.

It was an incredible feeling. I was free to express myself like straight people. Free to show affection in public. Free to casually say “I live with my girlfriend” at work. Free to propose to my girlfriend. And free to celebrate the upcoming marriage with my friends.

I was able to do everything straight people took for granted.

This, my friends, is freedom.

Armed with this newfound freedom, I continued my habits on Medium, casually mentioning my fiancée in an article about vegans and teetotalers.

The article had nothing to do with queerness whatsoever. But my fiancée told me something that sparked the article idea, so I just wrote about that incident.

And this wonderful community treated it exactly like the people in the city I live in. Something normal, no different from a straight affair.

I’m here to tell you, dear straight people: that’s exactly what we’re fighting for. We don’t want any special treatment, not even positive, for being who we are.

We just want to be treated like straight people. That’s what true equality is. And let me tell you, it’s magic.

And, dear queer people: Of everyone else, we should be the first ones not to treat our queerness like something extraordinary.

I’m one of the extremely privileged queer people of this world who got a taste of true freedom when it comes to love.

I only wish the entire world could follow suit and queerness would stop being any special. Because it’s not. It’s normal.

It’s part of being human. Most of us are straight, but some of us aren’t.

There’s nothing extraordinary about not being straight. True freedom comes when neither straight nor queer people treat it as such.

This true freedom made me concentrate on and perform my best in everything else: work, life, hobbies, love, you name it.

Imagine what the world would be like if we gave everyone this freedom. If we treated everyone equally, no matter their sexuality, gender, skin color, or country of origin.

It would be a world where peace and excellence are the norm.

Which is what happens when diversity is the norm.

Thank you for reading!

Happy living and treating everyone with respect,

Maria