Being Quarantined with Known Strangers

Changing relationship expectations

Gayle Kurtzer-Meyers

COVID-19 has changed everything — especially the way we interact with others.

Whether quarantined with friends, family, partner, or are staying by yourself, this pandemic is taking a toll on your mental wellbeing. Surrounded by the uncertainty and fear that COVID-19 Right now, it’s nearly impossible to maintain the same outlook on life that you had two months ago.

The effect of the pandemic on relationships is complicated. We often turn to the ones we are closest to for assurance and support, especially when we are distressed. However, the pandemic has changed the way we interact with others, and along with it, our expectations from them. Here’s why you need to rethink what you expect from your friends and family.

I don’t think anyone understood that when the time changed we would be entering the twilight zone. We are now quarantined with people we know and love but, now we are strangers.

We’re all struggling

In most circumstances, when you’re having a bad day or need extra support after an argument with your parents, you can turn to your friends or partner to lift your spirits. Sometimes, all you want is someone to listen to as you talk about your fears and frustrations.

With the uncertainty surrounding the pandemic, people with mental health issues are no longer the only ones struggling with negative, destructive thoughts. Worries about job and home security, food and medical supplies running low, and fears for our health are skyrocketing.

Your loved ones are anxious about being fired or not being able to afford the rent for their house or apartment. They’re always thinking about what would happen if their elderly parents or grandparents become exposed to the virus. They could be frustrated by being at home for weeks on end, which can lead to depression or anxiety, especially for those that live in toxic households.

Although everyone is struggling and coping with their issues in different ways, most of our worries are very similar. The pandemic has affected everyone’s lives in different ways, to varying degrees, but overarching issues like job, home, and food security have affected us all.

And then there is the 100 trips to the refrigerator that we are also contending with at the moment. Have you received your invitation to participate in the after pandemic series of My 600lb Life ? I hear my invitation is in the mail.

But seriously

Because the friends you used to turn to now have too many issues of their own, they’re not going to be able to show up for you the same way as before. When you want them to talk you out of a self-destructive thought process, or you’re trying to resolve an issue and need their advice, you find them consumed with troubles of their own.

We need to deal with our issues first

For us to be there for someone else, we need to be mentally present ourselves. Being compassionate and understanding towards other people means that we’re kind and gentle with ourselves first. If you’re overwhelmed with resentment and anger about the pandemic, you’re not going to have the emotional capacity to listen to anyone else.

If you’re struggling to work through your negative thoughts and finally manage to silence them, the last thing you need is for someone to unleash their worries onto you. It may take an excruciating amount of emotional strength not to let your thoughts emerge again.

In situations like these, even the people we used to support may seem like too much effort. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should lash out at your friends, family, or partner. However, if you can only manage to focus on your mental health during this time, you’re doing the people closest to you a huge favor.

Why expectations need to change

When we’re trying to deal with worries regarding essential aspects of survival, like keeping our jobs and not getting exposed to the virus, we struggle with more complex issues like supporting a friend or resolving an argument. If someone isn’t behaving the way you have become accustomed to, it’s smarter to change your current expectations of them.

If you’re trying to resolve an argument with a partner or friend, they may not have the mental and emotional capacity for problem-solving and rationalizing that is required. Their mind too bogged down with the current situation. To engage with you, they’ll need a certain level of clarity and present mindedness, which they may not be able to manage.

Mindful moments

· Most of the people around us are currently in survival mode. They are dealing with issues both at home and with themselves that is consuming their time and energy.

· Even the people who love us most may not be showing up for us the way we expect them to, but that doesn’t mean they have stopped caring for us. Often, if someone tries to push aside their own needs to support a friend, they end up doing more harm than good.

· While people with mental health issues are struggling the most, depression and anxiety are now common globally because of the uncertainty surrounding the pandemic.

· In times like these, practicing self-care and self-regulation is crucial, especially when we can’t find anyone else to lean on. You can try meditating, online therapy, or try finding healthy distractions to pass the time, such as painting or reading.

· Although we find solace in being able to share our problems and have people relate to the circumstances we are in, these conversations may have become unmanageable. With most people in quarantine for nearly two months, continually talking about the pandemic only adds to their worries. Everyone knows the basic facts and news related to COVID-19 and are trying to avoid consuming additional information.

· Before contacting a friend to discuss your issues, a considerate approach would be to ask if they’re comfortable with handling a heavy conversation or if you should bring it up some other time.

· On some days, you may be in better spirits and this is the time to help your friends or family. Other times, your problems will be your only priority.

“Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told ‘no’ if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.”-Dr. Denison-

We are soldiers

We’re all fighting our own battles while dealing with the pandemic. A pandemic is not the best time to check other people’s loyalties towards you, because this situation is new for all of us. However, it never hurts to drop a message and let people know you care, even if you’re unable to offer your support.

“One day this will be over and we will be grateful for life in ways we never felt possible before.”-Matt Haig-

Compassion and levity eases many burdens. I care.