Being Nice to Mean People

I know you’re probably thinking, ‘How do you expect me to be nice to someone who is mean to me, Belinda, how?’. I would answer your question but first, let me tell you a story.

Sometime in 2014, I was rushed to the hospital. This was an unusual thing for me because before then, I rarely fell sick, except for having minor stomach cramps or a headache every once in a while. This time around, I was critically ill. My Mother had to rush me to the emergency ward. After going through a series of tests, I was diagnosed with Malaria 2+ so I had to be admitted. I spent about a week in the hospital and everyone was so nice and warm there, including the doctors and the nurses. but there was this particular cleaner, a woman who appeared to be in her mid-30s. She would often come into my room with a mean look on her face, whenever she came to clean up the place. Most times she’d bash into the room without knocking i.e. open the door forcefully, and wouldn’t even bother to shut it behind her. She also never greeted my mum or anyone else in the room whenever she came in. One time my mum had to complain to one of the nurses and she confirmed that that particular cleaner was always so cranky and mean. She apologised on her behalf. The following day, three of my mum’s sisters came visiting. they had learned I had been admitted to the hospital and decided to come to spend some time with me. I was so happy to see them but I couldn’t express much because I was still recovering. I just laid in my bed listening to their discussions and laughing at their jokes. While there, the cleaner came in again with her usual aggressive attitude. One of my aunts who happen to be a doctor got irritated and immediately yelled at the cleaner to go back and shut the door. The cleaner paused, looked at my aunt angrily, then hissed loudly as she sluggishly walked to the door, shut it and went back to her cleaning. At this point, all three of my aunts were irritated at the cleaner’s attitude, they didn’t even bother to hide it. They began talking about the cleaner. My aunt, the doctor, started complaining, ‘’what sort of a person working in a hospital is this arrogant?’’ The second aunt replied ‘’and to think that she’s not even a doctor or a nurse, just a common cleaner, giving such a dirty attitude’’. This time all three of my aunts hissed at once before they went back to their previous discussion. Now like I said, I was still recovering so I couldn’t say much, all I did was watch the cleaner while she folded the old sheets aggressively. From her expressions, you could tell she heard everything my aunts had said as they intentionally spoke loud enough to her hearing. All that I could think of at that moment was how hard-working this woman must be. I felt if this woman could stand here and listen to these three ladies talk so mean to her and not utter a single word back, she must need the job.

Still lying on the bed with my aunts seated around me, talking about the various times they were admitted and had to get an injection, I found myself thinking more about the ‘Mean’ Cleaner. I began wondering, ‘what if this lady is going through something? what if there’s a part of her that we haven’t seen yet?’. The next morning, I was feeling a lot better and for the first time since I was admitted, I had requested to eat something, so my mum went home to prepare my favourite meal -Jollof Rice with fried Plantain. I was all alone in the hospital room staring at the ceiling when the cleaner came in again with her infamous mean attitude. This time, I said ‘good morning Ma’ she faintly responded ‘morning’ then started cleaning the table. I asked ‘how was your night, hope you had a nice rest’. Now to my surprise, the lady did something I had never seen her do in all the time I had been in the hospital, she smiled. Then she said “my night was okay, how was yours? I told her I had a decent sleep and thought I felt better. “I’m glad to hear that, I know you can’t wait to go back home, I’m sure you’d be discharged soon”. She said with a wider smile on her face while she continued her work but this time she was humming while at it. When my mum got back with my meal, she told me she ran into the ‘mean’ cleaner on the hallway and to her surprise, the lady greeted her for the first time. I told my mum what had transpired earlier and how nice she had been to me after I had asked how her night was. My mum just smiled and said, “who would have known?” Throughout that day, I noticed the cleaner was nice and cheerful to everyone.

Words are the fastest travellers. They travel to the mind the moment they are released and their impacts are strong enough to break or make a soul

Now my little conversation with this ‘mean lady’ made me see a part of her that my aunts never got to see. My encounter with her taught me a few things about people. Things I’m going to share with you.

• All humans are Mean: Every human tends to be mean depending on various factors. Factors such as; the way they are being treated, the mood they are in at the moment or in some cases, being mean is just their personality. The most excused form of meanness is acting mean because the person was mean to you first. I think another word for that is “clap back”. Like my aunts at that hospital who began bad-mouthing and talking down on the cleaner for being mean. In as much as you’d argue that they were stating facts and that the cleaner deserved it, what my aunts were doing at that moment was simply being mean. First, there was just a mean lady in the room, the cleaner but the moment my aunts decided to clap back, there became four mean people in the room. ‘Clap backs’ might feel good while at it but afterwards, nothing changes because now there are more mean people and trust me, the universe doesn’t need more meanness.
• All humans are Nice: Just as all humans have meanness in them, so do they have niceness. You can testify to this because there are times when you’ve been nice and times when you weren’t so nice. It all boils down to Choice. You have the will to choose how you react to people. Just as the cleaner chose to let whatever it was that she was battling with turn her into the unpleasant and mean person she was, and my aunts chose to give her a dose of her own medicine, so could both parties have chosen to be nicer regardless. I could have chosen to be mean to the cleaner like my aunts did but I chose to be nice instead. That was why a lady whom we all thought was mean, suddenly turned into a nicer person. All because I showed a little interest in her. That mean person you know has the same tendency to turn into a nice person.
• People just want to feel ‘Seen’: Asking a person a question as simple as “ how are you”, “How was your night” or even giving a simple compliment could go a long way. The Cleaner probably had worked in that hospital for several years and had never felt like she mattered because she was just a Cleaner. She might even have had bigger dreams for herself but had been disappointed that she ended up where she did. In as much as this is no excuse for being mean, she might not have known better. People are battling with different kinds of problem just as you and I. We only multiply the problem when we continue to bring each other down. Even if it’s by just mere words, it could do a lot of damage. Words are the fastest travellers. They travel to the mind the moment they are released and their impacts are strong enough to break or make a soul. Let’s learn to use our words to make and not break ourselves.
• Love always wins: Trust me, this is always true. Love would always win in a battle against evil or hate. Just as light always overcomes the dark, so does Love overcome hate. Meanness usually comes from hate. When I say hate, it doesn’t necessarily have to be hatred for the person the meanness is directed at, oftentimes than not, it comes from hatred for oneself. Another thing about most mean people is, they always expect your reaction. Actually, in most cases, they are mean just to get you to react. So when a person is mean to you or does something that would normally warrant your anger and aggressive reciprocation, why not give them a surprise? Why not say something nice to them? Why not tell them these words “you are amazing” “I care about you”? Trust me, when you do this, you break all their defences. You teach them something that they probably never expected to learn at a moment like that and that is Love Always Wins.

The Universe doesn’t need more hate, The universe needs more Love.