Summary

The article explores the psychological underpinnings of judgmental behavior and offers strategies for self-awareness and empathy to mitigate this common human tendency.

Abstract

The article delves into why individuals are often judgmental, suggesting that this behavior stems from a defense mechanism to preserve one's identity by projecting undesirable traits onto others. It references Carl Jung's concept of the "Shadow," which represents the repressed aspects of our personality that we struggle to acknowledge. The author emphasizes the importance of recognizing our own projections and suggests that by asking ourselves if we could handle a situation better, we can reduce the impulse to judge others harshly. The article advocates for empathy, understanding that criticism can impact self-esteem, and encourages constructive feedback over judgment as a means for personal and collective growth.

Opinions

Judgmental behavior is seen as a way to defend against feelings and traits that we find unpleasant or contrary to our self-image.
The act of judging others can be a reflection of traits we deny or are uncomfortable with in ourselves, a concept Jung referred to as the "Shadow."
Recognizing when we are projecting our own issues onto others is crucial for self-awareness and personal growth.
To curb judgmental tendencies, one should consider whether they could perform better in another person's situation, fostering empathy and understanding.
Rather than criticizing, offering help or constructive suggestions is more beneficial for everyone involved.
The article suggests that the tendency to judge is a moral and psychological challenge that requires effort to overcome and involves a process of self-reflection and acceptance of one's darker aspects.

Why We Are So Judgmental And How To Fix That

It’s all about a single question

Have you ever had the chance to know someone with a genuine passion for judging everyone and everything? That kind of people who doesn’t think twice before throwing stones at everything, becoming easily argumentative and angered when someone doesn’t agree with them.

I’m sure you’ve met them.

We all know someone who acts that way. That’s why I decided to write about our beloved judgmental folks, trying to investigate the reasons that push them to behave the way they do.

Of course, I am not going to judge or be overcritical myself, although it’ s very difficult: if we think about that for a second, each of us has done it at least once. This time, yet, I will seek to keep myself as unbiased as possible, studying the behaviour above the fray.

I’ve always wondered why someone should be so obsessed with others’ lives to feel compelled to shoot sentences endlessly. We all criticize, we see something that we do not like or does not fully meet our expectations and here, we need to share our thoughts.

Have you ever wondered what lies behind the mechanism of judgment?

Judgments help preserve our identity

Criticizing is a defence mechanism of our mind. We criticize to cut back our thoughts, since we get rid of sensations, actions, feelings and peculiarities we perceive as unpleasant. All these feelings are “projected” externally into people but at the same time, we conceal them within us.

The “projection” is a psychoanalytic concept, and it’ s a mechanism through which the subjects expels and localizes a trait of their own personality which they are not comfortable with.

This is why we have to pay attention when we make rigid and lapidary judgments towards others, or what we choose to criticize. Because, we would notice that those traits or behaviours that we have, are features that we recognize we don’ t or can’t have, and are “opposite” to us.

It’s more like if we were attacking traits that our nemesis could have. One philosopher and psychologist named it: this “nemesis” it’s called the Shadow.

The Shadow

The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.

-C. Jung (1951)

The Shadow is a concept created by Carl Gustav Jung to explain all the aspects of our personality we choose to reject and repress. It is due to external impositions related to the society in which we live or to the family environment in which we happen to grow. Some traits that we are unable to manage or we choose not to show externally, end up being repressed in the unconscious, creating a part of us called the Shadow.

Maybe you’re one of those people who generally love who they are and might be wondering whether this is true of you.

“I don’t reject myself” you might be thinking.

“I love who I am!”

I’m sure you do, but the problem is that you’re not necessarily aware of those parts of your personality. According to Jung’s theory, we distance ourselves psychologically from those behaviours, emotions, and thoughts that we find dangerous. These are characteristics that if we admitted having, they would undermine the coherent value-personal system we have built for years.

Basically, many of the people who criticize others are trying to distract their mind from the existential unease they are experiencing.

How to get out of this trap?

We can do something anyway: learning how to recognize when and what we are projecting, accepting that what we’re projecting is something that resides within us somewhere in our self.

Like any behavioural and psychological issue, it’ s essential to be aware of how we behave. We must identify the trait that we’ re attacking and rationalize the reasons that led us to do it. Maybe a particularly extroverted person gets on our nerves? It is likely that you are shy and introverted and recognize his or her cheerful trait as totally alien to you.

On the contrary, do you consider a silent and introverted person unbearable? Do you think he or she is judging you through his inquisitive peeks? In reality, you are the judge, a characteristic that you just can’t understand and see in others.

The second step is to ask yourself a simple question:

Would I know how to do / behave better If I was in their shoes?

It is one of the most frequent questions in my repertoire, it’s capable of extinguishing any want to judge someone else’s actions. I said at the beginning of the article that I would remain as impartial as possible but hey, let me just state this little personal thought.

I think putting yourself in the shoes of that person you would like to criticize is essential. Put aside all the prejudices related to that situation or subject and ask yourself: “Can my way of handling a similar situation be better than how they’re handling it?”.

Hypothetically, imagine that the subject of your judgment suddenly asks you to take charge of what he is doing, would you be able to get out of that situation without failing? Would you be perfect or would you risk being judged as well?

Sometimes you need to switch parts to realize that criticism arises from our deep insecurities.

Throwing negative energies to another human being is a double-edged sword and very often goes beyond hurting a person: it allows you to understand a lot about your way of perceiving the other and ourselves.

You can interfere with one’s self-esteem and self-worth, which changes who they are and how they perceive the world around them.

What you put out is what you get back.

I don’t think any of us would like to be targeted and criticized for our efforts made every day of our lives, no one can know how much it costs to do something.

That’s is why I tell you that. Be wise, be friendly, put yourself in the other’s shoes and get off the pedestal of values and beliefs that you built. Everyone makes mistakes and they’re necessary tools of wisdom and growth.

If you truly feel that someone is wrong, then be propositive, if you think you can do better offer your help, your suggestion, not your judgement.